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I will cut my coat according to my cloth. {Edited by Forum team} 2019
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It is social I am struggling to deal with.
They seem to be changing the goal posts hour by hour.My position is untenable.
Yes, this ^^^^^^^^^^^
Exactly this2.22kWp Solar PV system installed Oct 2010, Fronius IG20 Inverter, south facing (-5 deg), 30 degree pitch, no shadingEverything will be alright in the end so, if it’s not yet alright, it means it’s not yet the endMFW #4 OPs: 2018 £866.89, 2019 £1322.33, 2020 £1337.07
2021 £1250.00, 2022 £1500.00, 2023 £1500, 2024 £13502025 target = £1200, YTD £9190
Quidquid Latine dictum sit altum videtur0 -
Not a regular poster but I do follow you. I am worried about your situation. I know positive thinking will help get you along but the body will stop you in your tracks. Stress has a funny way of attacking the body and not just the mind. SS may know more than they are telling, or they have had a complaint about DS. The other parent is also not allowed unsupervised visits now as well (or maybe I have got that wrong), so maybe complaint from her side family or friends etc regarding DS (maybe not, I could be totally wrong). You also mentioned stuff on facebook about DS so maybe that has been used as well as other stuff by SS. We dont know but the outcome is SS say no unsupervised contact and by doing that then in the eyes of the law they have not been negligent. My worry is the position you are now left in. Please think about DGD position(which we know you do). Are SS including her welfare again, will having the boys jeopardise her placement with you. I am worried that if you are found unsuitable for whatever reason to have boys, eg you have been pushed by SS so much to point of exhaustion as they will not give you restbite, that they might decide DGD is also at risk. We know that she is not but this is SS we are talking about, you cannot trust them as they have already threatened about DGD and changed the goalposts etc. Please have a think about this tonight. Nobody is doubting your love for the boys but will having them jeopardise DGD as the situation has now changed from what you agreed on. I hope for a speedy resolution to all of this, you are a very strong and corageous woman but I do worry for you all, both mentally and physically. x0
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If there was a clear plan then I would know what I am dealing with.
But as the goal post is changed then I don't.
One minute the social worker is going to be removed from our case, the next he's back. Then we have a new team leader, then we have another one, then they too are gone.
First we have joint care under a court order and then we are told to not stick to it. Then we are told they are not worried about the children while here, then suddenly it's all different.
My problems will be solved but not overnight it will take time. Care proceedings can take about 26 weeks.
I am just an interim carer while all of this goes through the system and at the end of it the courts may decide that I am not suitable because of a variety of things from health, age and ability.
But taking the ability for me to work or to make a sensible decision even though I have done my best to safeguard the children and bent over backwards to help.
If I had the correct funding, access to childminders and or nursery etc and a big enough vehicle then things become more about organising and routines.
I could work part time, the children will settle down eventually if life is consistent. LAC are given extra input in schools and are mostly able to access services easier as they are LACs.
Yes I used to be very ill.
I have not been really ill for many many years or I would not have been able to run my business for the last 5 years.
I am tired yes. Like a new Mum is, and age is against me, but there are many many grandparents looking after children that are older than me.
There will be a day when the baby sleeps all night. There will be a day when they go to bed without a challenging behaviour. Things will be easier.
But it all needs to be in place first.
All of the uncertainty is definitely not helping my health in the immediate because of the emotional stress but that will hopefully ease.
I have not necessarily coped with things with ease, but I am still here and still standing.
If the court says no. Then I will deal with it.When I die I will know that I have lived, loved, mattered and made a difference, even if in a small way.0 -
BrassicWoman wrote: »I would call and request a visit immediately because you are in crisis.
And tell them you simply cannot do it without support. To take the boys way now if you are truly on your own and unfunded.
Because you CANNOT go on like this, and you need to make your crisis, their crisis!
SAd to say I have to agree with thisI am a Forum Ambassador and I support the Forum Team on Mortgage Free Wannabe & Local Money Saving Scotland & Disability Money Matters. If you need any help on those boards, do let me know.Please note that Ambassadors are not moderators. Any post you spot in breach of the Forum Rules should be reported via the report button , or by emailing forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com. All views are my own & not the official line of Money Saving Expert.
Lou~ Debt free Wanabe No 55 DF 03/14.**Credit card debt free 30/06/10~** MFW. Finally mortgage free O2/ 2021****
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***Fall down seven times,stand up eight*** ~~Japanese proverb. ***Keep plodding*** Out of debt, out of danger. ***Be the difference.***
One debt remaining. Home improvement loan.0 -
Oh Mooloo. I am so sorry that each "decision" seems to get changed or leads to a new problem to be solved. Being in the same county as you, and having had dealings with SS (albeit adult services) last year for eldest and partner I know that there really doesn't seem to be much help available. With the county SS being deemed to be failing, and after the near bankruptcy of the council, I think they are either running round in circles trying to be seen to be doing "something", or looking for the easiest answer (in this case - you). I'm not disrespecting social workers by the way. Many are extremely hard-working and just as frustrated at the state of play but it really is a dire situation at the moment.
I have said this before, and I know money and time is tight, but it might help to get some independent counselling if you can. Not a family member or friend as they will have a vested interest in your decision, and not through SS, but someone who you can offload to but who also has the skills to draw out your own thoughts. I am only basing on this on my own experience mind, as I know when I was in the thick of things my mind would jump this way and that and back again until I really didn't know what I thought. To be honest, despite most of my family's practical probelms being sorted (they now have a place to live and are getting "some" help (very minimal in my opinion)) the emotional fallout has reared its ugly head for me again this year. The counsellor suggested that after the initial euphoria of thinking everything was sorted and trying to get on with my life again my mind is now just coming to terms with what we did go through as a family - a bit like PTSD.
The other thing I thought about, before SS said DS had to leave your house was that, although he did help a bit with the boys etc., it actually might be easier if he isn't there. The danger would be that you might expect him to do more but he would expect you to do it all, so you ould, in effect, be looking after 4 "children". At least with just you in charge there will be consistency. It really is a heartbreaking situation. Wishing you a peaceful evening.0 -
Not a regular poster but I do follow you. I am worried about your situation. I know positive thinking will help get you along but the body will stop you in your tracks. Stress has a funny way of attacking the body and not just the mind. SS may know more than they are telling, or they have had a complaint about DS. The other parent is also not allowed unsupervised visits now as well (or maybe I have got that wrong), so maybe complaint from her side family or friends etc regarding DS (maybe not, I could be totally wrong). You also mentioned stuff on facebook about DS so maybe that has been used as well as other stuff by SS. We dont know but the outcome is SS say no unsupervised contact and by doing that then in the eyes of the law they have not been negligent. My worry is the position you are now left in. Please think about DGD position(which we know you do). Are SS including her welfare again, will having the boys jeopardise her placement with you. I am worried that if you are found unsuitable for whatever reason to have boys, eg you have been pushed by SS so much to point of exhaustion as they will not give you restbite, that they might decide DGD is also at risk. We know that she is not but this is SS we are talking about, you cannot trust them as they have already threatened about DGD and changed the goalposts etc. Please have a think about this tonight. Nobody is doubting your love for the boys but will having them jeopardise DGD as the situation has now changed from what you agreed on. I hope for a speedy resolution to all of this, you are a very strong and corageous woman but I do worry for you all, both mentally and physically. x
What I do know is this will not be quick!Mama read so much about the dangers of drinking alcohol and eating chocolate that she immediately gave up reading.0 -
I hope they see sense and dont ever go down that road. DGD is in best place for her - with someone she loves and trusts and who does a great job of being Mum and Gran. Apologies also for my wording in my previous post as I dont have much knowledge of the procedures of the care system, especially in England. I am sorry if it upset anyone, that was not my intention. I wish you luck and hope that things get easier for you x0
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My SIL came round this evening just after DS has gone. He brought me flowers, chocolate and a camera for my iPhone that he was going to replace as mine wasn't working after the baby drowned it in a bucket a few weeks ago. We talked for an hour and a half. About this, about his work, my work, his ideas and a lot of stuff in between. Don't think we have talked like that much before. I feel a bit more human now. Although I was planning on I to bed at 9pm!
I expect the social are running around in those circles and the worker couldn't bring what ever he said he was going to get me to sign as Legal will have to run through it. Something that he clearly forgets to do judging by the last court proceedings. It's written in the last order that the social said the paperwork etc had not been run past legal.
I feel calmer now, but I cannot lie I would rather not be facing a 6 month battle again, especially with a not fit for purpose system.
If only I could afford £240 an hour solicitor to run rings around them.
( as long as the interest of the boys was foremost).
Well I cannot afford it and unless I win more than £10 on the postcode lottery I don't think it is going to happen.
( apparently I won £10 on it this weekend). Now the £30,000 would be quite welcome.
Bed!!When I die I will know that I have lived, loved, mattered and made a difference, even if in a small way.0 -
I hope they see sense and dont ever go down that road. DGD is in best place for her - with someone she loves and trusts and who does a great job of being Mum and Gran. Apologies also for my wording in my previous post as I dont have much knowledge of the procedures of the care system, especially in England. I am sorry if it upset anyone, that was not my intention. I wish you luck and hope that things get easier for you x
I don't think you have upset anyone?
It's a bit of a minefield, especially as in this case Private law crosses Public law, and this LA are not the clearest when it comes to their intentions, and have a propensity to follow their own agenda ignoring statutory processes. But we dealt with them back when DGD was waiting final decisions and the boys were being adopted …. and I'll help Mooloo do it again, with all your support as well she'll get the right outcome for the children.Mama read so much about the dangers of drinking alcohol and eating chocolate that she immediately gave up reading.0 -
Mooloo, I am topping up the hug supply ((((((hugs)))))), hope you sleep well tonight.It's not difficult!
'Wander' - to walk or move in a leisurely manner.
'Wonder' - to feel curious.0
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