I will cut my coat according to my cloth. {Edited by Forum team} 2019

charlie3090

Mooloo wrote: »

Now it's all changed again and DS cannot have contact here, but needs to be in a contact centre. This is getting more and more difficult for me to function. How can I care for my Mum if I cannot get a car? I can't leave the children with anyone
I can't work
I can't have full funding

I have no idea what next.

This is exactly what ss did to me many years ago when I was working a full time job and looking after a 5 year old,their expectations were far too great and I only managed 6 months ,they were no help or support, just constant demands ,I had to drop everything at a moments notice ,my husband went part time at work.

What broke me was I had to have an overnight stay for work, my husband had been up all night as little one was unwell with a heavy cold and the social worker rang him before 8am demanding a form and she wanted it within the hour and he just said we cant do this,they just make problems where there are none.

Anyway I called them about a week later one afternoon,to tell them we could not carry on like this, the next morning they called me at 11 am to tell me they were picking up the little ones stuff at 1.30 and be ready.

It was awful, I took them to school and I never saw them after that again,this was 10 years ago, all our reports were great, really happy with progress etc etc but because we said their expectations were unrealistic and we couldnt carry on on their terms which was no one except for us could look after the child they just whisked them away within 24 hours.

Im not suggesting this is what they will do to you,what I am saying is they ask too much sometimes and you cannot always live up to what their guidance notes say, common sense seems to be non existent.

I do hope you can get through this, you are much stronger than I was.

NeilCr

Artytarty wrote: »

Mooloo, you are strong and brave but no one is a miracle worker.
I think this situation is beyond endurance and frankly should never have been allowed to develop this far.
It's not going to end well unless you try to look at it objectively, which is nearly impossible as you are of course emotionally involved.

Yes.

Mooloo I think, if you can, it would be good to change your thinking in this instance from "I can do it" to "Can I do it".

You've been very determined all along since this started. To an extent (and I mean no criticism by this as I completely understand why you did it) you've sort of steamrollered through any concerns raised. You really - for a lot of sakes now- should stop, take stock and, frankly, say very loudly to everyone that you can't cope and this is unacceptable

As Elsien said there is something going on around your son that hasn't come out yet.

Savvy_sewing

If you think you can't you won't,
But if you think you can, you will.
I need to remember that when the doubts keep bubbling up.
Yes the children are difficult, I knew that as I have been living awith them.
It is social I am struggling to deal with.
They seem to be changing the goal posts hour by hour.
My heart is breaking for my family.
Twin 2 still hasn't had her letterbox contact and she's grieving for news of her children.
I am grieving for my life at the moment.
My position is untenable.

Babe1

Mooloo, I don't know full background re your two DD's, I think I started reading here when you were still unwell, which resonated with me as it sounded similar.

What keeps coming into my head, is if you had a serious relapse re your health? You would be no use or ornament for anyone - and especially your Mum/DGD and yourself.

Your dreams of your work and Portugal have kept pulling you through, each tough situation that gets thrown at you. Those dreams are fading fast Mooloo - there won't be any dreams if you become ill, with caring for everyone.

I agree too with Elsien - your son must have known that drug test would show as positive, and yet he didn't tell you. You were told by SS - what else hasn't he told you? I'm not trying to diss him, but there has to be more in the background that you are not privvy to. What if one or both of the Boys could have foetal alcohol syndrome, from the Mother drinking/using drugs whilst pregnant. Maybe I am "over thinking" but it is possible, that she would have been using substance at that time.

The list goes on - please Mooloo, enough now. SS are not playing fair, Son is not being honest with you - something very wrong here. And you shall be the last to find out.

We all know you love the Boys - you want them kept in the Family - we get that, truly. But only 1 person is trying to keep this as all together - You!

If son no longer allowed to be around at all, except with supervised visitation at a centre, the time has come for honesty from the people making these descsions.

Is the amount they are offering, even a Foster parent payment?

I know someone will be a ble to put this much better than I, but can you not see that it best those little Boys, have a start anew with a new Family, so that you can continue to care for DGD, your Mum and yourself.

Don't you deserve to come "somewhere" on your list, Mooo.

Thinking of you, sending cyber hugs. Wish I could help in a better way.

hb2

Mooloo, I agree that you have been 'steamrollered' into an impossible situation without being given time to actually stop and think.

You said 'If you think you cant' you won't. If you think you can, you can' but it isn't always that easy. No matter how much you want to do this, you are only human. You cannot magic money for food etc out of thin air. You cannot go for days on end without proper sleep and still function properly. You cannot keep ignoring your own needs and still remain healthy.

SS will not step up and make sure you are properly resourced if you don't shout long and hard. Don't be taken in by promises to sort things out later as they will have no incentive to do so!

Did anyone else notice the juxtaposition of a guardian being given £50 a week to look after two children whilst a solicitor is paid £220 (or was it £250?) per hour ?!

Artytarty

.......,,,,,,,,

Artytarty

"Untenable" is at odds with your "if you think you can , you can"saying Mooloo.
Time to realise that the power of positive thought is perhaps not quite as strong as imagined or we would all be living very different lives I'm afraid.
Sorry to be so blunt but there's another saying that goes" wake up and smell the coffee"

Babe1

Mooloo, have you been able to talk with

Family Rights Group - https://www.frg.org.uk

Shouldnt you be offered the same payment from your local authority as Kinship/Fostering?

I agree hb2, how can that be right! £240 an hour for a solicitor, but £50 a week for the Boys.

thorsoak

Mooloo - phone your local MP - its Andrea Leadsom who was (or maybe is) Secretary of State for Business! You need to act now!

Here is how to contact her:- https://www.parliament.uk/biographies/commons/andrea-leadsom/4117

Both_Feet_on_Terra_Firma

Mooloo i am sure you have said about the letterbox contact before unfortunately its not mandatory and with the best will in the world people start with good intentions but real life gets in the way so she may never hear from them again and surely to give herself some peace of mind she should have been offered counselling where she would have been advised to not keep calling them her children. The situation which you are in now in is the same as many single parents but the exception is your age the rest of your family and their expectations of you and your ability to earn a living as well as your health . SS have a duty of care and everything regarding you and the family will be picked over its their job and with the worries with drugs regardless of class they must follow the law . Your son and DiIL are the ones at fault here and not YOU but through all this are you really in the right position to take these children on for the next 18 years minimum I am afraid i don't believe you are sorry but there are so many factors with the best will in the world i can't see this ending well for any of you no matter how much your heart is in the right place