I will cut my coat according to my cloth. {Edited by Forum team} 2019

beanielou

pollyanna_26 wrote: »

Being alive is good :rotfl:I Hope the early start will help you catch up at work . It's my birthday today and my youngest dd bought me three lovely gifts from the Literary Emporium (She knows me so well) A lovely bracelet with a silver book charm, a very pretty brooch with Still I Rise which I will wear with attitude and a card with the quote I have tonight made my signature on MSE. She has written the loveliest words from the heart on the reverse which make all the efforts over the last 20 odd years worth every tear, fear and effort worthwhile. My hope is one day someone you love will do that for you.


Sleep tight Mooloo
pollyx

Happy birthday.Have a lovely day.
What a lovely present

just_trying

Hopefully the concrete has arrived okay and your foundations to your new life may be laid!

Polly love the signature and happy birthday.

Neil I understand what you've said, but what your describing is the life of many single parents but your partner has the support of the dad(son) and you. More than some who never have time to themselves. I am sure mooloo is fully of aware of everything as she's already bringing up her grand daughter.

Moolooo just wanted to say wishing you well this week, you know what's involved. You continue to do your best and try your hardest. Your a real family person Xx.

Savvy_sewing

Always saw myself as a Business Woman with kids. But your probably right, I am a family person deep down. Although I still love to learn and read and try to progress in life.
I decided that I can still lead my life the way I want to, and have my dreams. I will just have to find another way to do it.
As I had already gone for just a holiday home and not to permanently live in Portugal then the only reason we couldn't do that is financially. But just because work is going to probably have to fit in part time till next year doesn't mean that I cannot work, and earn and build up the savings pot again.
At least this time round I am not bankrupt, homeless or ill.
The house may be small but we're going to manage one way or another but I really do need to be able to declutter more.
I stayed till the concrete arrived and then went to work by 8.10.
I managed to sew £62 worth by the time staff arrived at 9.30.
I worked through with 7 fittings today, and I still managed to shorten a pair of 90" wide curtains, and do £106.50 worth of hems.
I was home by 3pm
Biggest brought the kids over at 4.30.
Dgd has a grotto play and the hosepipe was put to good use with the paddling pool.
All in bed and quiet now. I hope that I get a few hours sleep before the baby wakes up.
Good night x

NeilCr

just_trying wrote: »

Neil I understand what you've said, but what your describing is the life of many single parents but your partner has the support of the dad(son) and you. More than some who never have time to themselves. I am sure mooloo is fully of aware of everything as she's already bringing up her grand daughter.

.

It's the age factor I was highlighting. I, certainly, don't know any single parent of my partner's age bringing up a young child. Her son works long hours for financial reasons and I am there to go out with. I don't get involved a lot with the child. The fact that my partner does have some support (and still gets exhausted at times) perhaps underlines some of the concerns I have around Mooloo's situation - as she seems to have less. For me, it's very important that her son does get stuck in

I wouldn't be as presumptuous (and I hope it didn't come across that way) as to assume that Mooloo doesn't have a pretty good idea of what it's going to be like. But, with the boys ages it is, for sure, going to be different than with the granddaughter.

I had (and still have) a concern about the speed that this is happening. I related my partner's experiences to help.

just_trying

She's had her grand daughter for years. Mothers are getting older and older now.

The children know moo, is there granny. She's willing to sacrifice the things know will not happen or might not.She loves her grandchildren and is willing to do whatever.

I understand where your coming from, but your partner has a child and that's her first priority as it should be and your second best, she took on that commitment. Which moo understands she's taking on if the children live with her. She wants to give them a happy life.

NeilCr

just_trying wrote: »

She's had her grand daughter for years. Mothers are getting older and older now.

The children know moo, is there granny. She's willing to sacrifice the things know will not happen or might not.She loves her grandchildren and is willing to do whatever.

I understand where your coming from, but your partner has a child and that's her first priority as it should be and your second best, she took on that commitment. Which moo understands she's taking on if the children live with her. She wants to give them a happy life.

I really don't think you do understand where I am coming from. Yes - mothers are getting older but - frankly - usually, not that old. And if they do it is likely they will have support. And, as I said, my partner is older than Mooloo

Of course my partner's first commitment is to the child. I understand and fully accept that. My role is to provide support and to be there as a sounding board and - most importantly - to do things with her where she can relax, let her hair down and have a good time.

just_trying

I don't know how old your partner is or the child.

Not that old is a personal opinion as mothers are getting older.

Not looking for arguments, seen it before.

This should be a helpful, supportive thread, moo understands it. Frankly if I was in the same position would be doing the same.

SingleSue

A few weeks ago it looked like I would be required to take on the care of a 7 year old long term. I had always said that if it was needed, I would do it and more importantly, be able to do it.

I had that child for four days until the child was returned to its parents, by the time of return I was exhausted, my mental health was in tatters and I was stressed beyond belief....and that wasn't because of any misbehaving by the child, they couldn't have been better behaved and easy to look after.

For me, it was the return of school runs, the responsibility of having a 7 year old again, the thought of playground politics etc but the biggest thing that had an impact was the realisation that the new life I had built up was in absolute tatters and I would be starting virtually from the beginning again at the age of 49 and with disabilities.

It's easy to say that you would do the same as Mooloo (for whom I have the absolute admiration for) but something completely different to do it.

That said, although those four days were tough my mindset had already started to change (it really did look bleak for the parents for a while and SS were already talking long term plans) and I was already putting plans in place on how to cope with it all.....and I would do it all over again if needed. I am also lucky in that my (grown up) children and a sibling also said they would help support me if the child did stay with me long term with my sibling offering respite help during the school holidays so that I could have a break.

NeilCr

SingleSue wrote: »

It's easy to say that you would do the same as Mooloo (for whom I have the absolute admiration for) but something completely different to do it.

Really good post SingleSue.

I very much agree with this sentence - and, particularly, second your comment about the admiration for Mooloo. I am in awe of what she is taking on - just as I am with how my partner is handling her situation

@just trying. I agree this thread should be helpful and supportive. But that just doesn't mean always agreeing with what Mooloo does. I shared my experiences as I have a genuine concern for her and the family

@Mooloo. Sorry this has gone a little off tangent!

Savvy_sewing

In December 2009, I was 48 years old and quite frail. When I took on Granddaughter age 2years 1 month.
I wasn't sure if I could do it, but I adjusted.
I was accepted at the Nursery gates. I have made friends with people younger than me who are supporting me again.
I had nothing to start with but I survived it.
I am 10 years older, but about 70% fitter then I was then.
Yes I get exhausted and I know that there will be plenty days when I will think I am mad.
But I have an advantage.
I have done it all before.
I had 4 children and been a single working woman through out it all.
I know more contacts. I know my weaknesses and where I will reach out for help.
I will budget, I will plan our days and if the package allows for them to be with other family members then I will take full advantage of it.
I will only work as and when I am able and rebuild my work as and when I can.
I will use the Holiday Club in the summer holidays so the kids get to play with other children. Fingers crossed I will be able to get them places at school here in the town.
Luckily I am closing my shop in a month. But if I had to close it now then it's not the end of the world because I have the rent money so would not loose my deposit.
I will consider help with the Housework and garden if DS is not forthcoming. ( but I hope that he will continue to step up and start to face the future with determination and a plan.
Instead of holidays in Portugal we will return to the caravan parks, and go with Biggest and her family, we will visit with Twin1 and her family.
I will not be on my own.
The only place I would feel odd in is baby groups as I never did them much with mine as I was working.
The most obvious thing I can see is that I need to stop hoarding things for incase, and trust that I can work it out.