I will cut my coat according to my cloth. {Edited by Forum team} 2019

NeilCr

hb2 wrote: »

The reality is that the situation Mooloo's family is in at the moment is very far from ideal. But that is where they are and the best Mooloo can do now is look at the 'least worst' plan of action, taking into account the facts as they are perceived.

I, absolutely, agree.

I just think it needs thinking through and I just worry that isn't happening

And I mean no disrespect to Mooloo with that comment.

Savvy_sewing

I realised that by being open and telling you of my situation that I would get criticised, and some supportive and some practical advice.
I do feel riled at the criticism but it was my choice to voice my situation. However the facts are not something that can be washed over for they are reality.
I had a meeting today with a higher representative from Social.
Obviously nothing is ideal, but it is deemed that I am the best option for the family at the moment , and going forward. That we will get support to help us and that will include Dgd, when/if necessary.
I have been open about my finances and that I will not be able to continue with a full time business and will require help. He is looking into it and will get back to me by the end of the week to tell me what financial options they are proposing.
He has told me today that they don't expect me to kick DS out, but do expect me to be the main carer. They also told me that they are proposing that the mothers access is reduced to once a fortnight. That tells me big time that this is seriously close too.
I just hope that I can fulfil the current work load and have time to rearrange life. The recommendations have been submitted to the court and it will be heard next week.

So I am going ahead, with support for Dgd and that is as far as I know at the moment.
The exact style of the care order if the courts agre I will find out soon.

Ironically today dgs3 was sick this morning so didn't go to Nursery, so when DS took them back to the Mum today it was taking both. Normally she is supposed to collect him from Nursery later and DS only hands over the baby. He did message her as soon as dgd3 was sick.
He arranged to finally collect some of his blacksmiths things today, but when he got there she lost her temper and physically attacked him and verbally, so he had to call the police and while he was on to the operator she assaulted him, ( in front of the children). So the police have asked him if he wants to prosecute her, and file a report under domestic abuse.
That is not going to go down well with social or the court.
I feel like mamma bear and don't want them to be with her a minute longer than they have to, unless she is supervised.

I am sorry that I have jangled alarm bells because of talking to Dgd but time is short and I don't believe that springing changes on people is any better than a discussion no matter the age.
Life is always going to be difficult and sheltering Dgd is not going to help. The school are aware of the situation and I will keep them updated and an eye on Dgd and chase Camhs.
I have just talked with Twin2 and she is adamant that I should try to keep her nephews and that she is not resentful that I couldn't keep her boys as she knows that I was still very ill then. That is a load off of my mind.

Savvy_sewing

LKRDN_Morgan wrote: »

I dare say it’s because she’s 11. Can’t even go to the cinema unaccompanied but emotive decisions like this she can deal with? I don’t think so

We do not have a Cinema here. So that's one thing we don't need to compare. ( I am talking tongue in cheek here!)
I am damned if I do and damned if I don't.
So I am going with my gut

Savvy_sewing

Artytarty wrote: »

That's just it though,
This probably is not the least worst plan.
In my opinion!

But it is the least worst plan in the eyes of the professional safe guarding team

Savvy_sewing

I'm going to bed.
It's an emotional day.
All my family supports me.
So if you decide that I am the worst in the world so be it.
My gut tells me that I have to try.
I expect to give them a better life as it will be as consistent as I can.
They will come before my business and my dreams. They will be loved and within the family as best as
I will try to work around it but will not ignore them and their needs.
I will expect days off anguish, chaos and moments of feelings of over whelm, frustration and doubts but as I go to bed tonight I will know that what ever your opinions, ( the nay sayers!), I am doing my best

BrassicWoman

Mooloo, I don’t see anyone saying you are the worst. I see many people concerned for dgd. And many people used to social workers looking for the easy route - that’s valuable experience. But I get that this is difficult, and having your decisions challenged is hard. And I think we all mourn a little for your dreams, once again on hold due to your selfish family.

I am sure your family do support you because it saves any of them having to step up to the plate!

Do at least make sure you have dgd own support workers, whoever they may be, carry out a full impact assessment for her.

I hope you slept xx

Hard_Up_Hester

Mooloo, I think you are doing the best you can in a difficult situation.

I don't think many people who comment understand the realities of the care system.
In my area there is a desperate shortage of foster carers, I'm sure most areas are similar.
It isn't the case that there are lots of places where the boys could go together and be safe and happy.

Savvy_sewing

It is up to the courts now to read the reports, and decide what to do.
I will prepare for the changes and wait for the decision to be made and the care plan worked out.
Today I am going to see my Mum, print her boarding tickets and make sure she has everything she needs for her visit to my Brothers.
The three weeks she is away are the three that Biggest needs help as her husband is also going away with work.
By my Birthday all our worlds could be completely different.
My business is going to have to be part time for a while.
I need to work on my health and fitness and start eating better food etc and exercise better. I need to be that healthy 76 year old.
(I also need to defy the palm reader from 1995 who said I would live till I was 76!) (I am joking here!)

Both_Feet_on_Terra_Firma

This is not a criticism to you Mooloo but rather your son he has yet again managed to dodge his responsibilities whilst managing to live life as a single person he will have the best of both worlds his children around him but he will not have to care for them and somebody else to pay for their upkeep so he can carry on his subscriptions to spotify etc when will he wake up and smell the coffee he has never as far as i am aware i may be wrong held down a full time job for a reasonable length of time he starts things but never finishes them . His outlook is pretty bleak right now I cannot imagine any decent well adjusted girl would find his behaviour so far acceptable towards his children whilst you allow this by providing food shelter and an easy ride etc for him you are showing everyone that this is ok and with 3 children who you dont want to follow this path you need to show some tough love I wish you well on your chosen path i dont for one minute think that it will be easy .

Savvy_sewing

I don't agree with that at all.
He has been and found more work, but the hours are not starting until two weeks as the building burned down and he is still working his old job. He did have a job before the ex caused the chaos.
He was abused by the woman and the incidents that are now coming to light are physical as well as mental scars.
After she attacked him yesterday the police are now taking the abuse seriously and have gathered the latest lot of evidence.
No he hasn't sorted out the finances, and I suppose he will not be responsible for the children financially if the system remove them from his care, but he is not rolling over lightly he is trying to keep them himself. So it is not his choice!!