I will cut my coat according to my cloth. {Edited by Forum team} 2019

Almost-free

Having worked in ‘the system ‘ for over 30 yrs, rarely in these situations is an in-family fostering or adoption the best thing for the children . I honestly think they would be better off adopted by a lovely family who are away from the conflict that will inevitably surround them should they stay with Mooloo and be in easy reach of their manipulative selfish mother .

I’ve recently watched my two God-daughters bring torn apart and manipulated by their birth mother after a ‘well meaning ‘ social worker broke a court order and gave their BM their address ( and lost her job in the process.) Both have currently turned against the loving adoptive parents who were the only parents they’ve ever known whilst their drug-addict BM fills them with stories of how they were stolen away from her . Their lives have been turned upside down .

Not too long ago we were all concerned about DGD and her need for counselling and support , let’s now turn the temperature up under this situation and give her an exhausted Mooloo in the process ?

Mooloo my heart breaks for you - the Lord clearly thinks you have very broad shoulders to cope with all of this and I wish you well in making yet another difficult decision.

Personally I think you have a lazy manipulative social worker who is looking for an easy out for him .

Savvy_sewing

To be honest I thought the Social worker was supposed to have been removed from our case anyway, and I remember that my complaint was upheld by the social but it didn't occur to me when he called me on Friday. I suppose that I just dealt with the call.
I have reiterated that DS needs to get his solicitor sorted out etc. I know that he will not just roll over and agree. (Like Twin1 did).
Dgd is fine at the moment, and has had some one to talk to at the school. I will of course be keeping an eye on her.
She actually came out of her room yesterday and helped keeping an eye on the children in the garden while the sofa bed was being built.

I am just having my cup of tea in my room, the baby woke at 5.45 but went back to sleep and the lad woke at 6.45 so I took him down to his dad, washed up made the tea and came back up stairs to relative peace for 15 minutes to drink my tea etc.

I have another busy week ahead of me. The work is coming in thick and fast and I have been able to pay myself again this week. Always a bonus, and still putting 10% of each transaction in to the savings account for the business.

Both_Feet_on_Terra_Firma

Almost-free wrote: »

Having worked in ‘the system ‘ for over 30 yrs, rarely in these situations is an in-family fostering or adoption the best thing for the children . I honestly think they would be better off adopted by a lovely family who are away from the conflict that will inevitably surround them should they stay with Mooloo and be in easy reach of their manipulative selfish mother .

I’ve recently watched my two God-daughters bring torn apart and manipulated by their birth mother after a ‘well meaning ‘ social worker broke a court order and gave their BM their address ( and lost her job in the process.) Both have currently turned against the loving adoptive parents who were the only parents they’ve ever known whilst their drug-addict BM fills them with stories of how they were stolen away from her . Their lives have been turned upside down .

Not too long ago we were all concerned about DGD and her need for counselling and support , let’s now turn the temperature up under this situation and give her an exhausted Mooloo in the process ?

Mooloo my heart breaks for you - the Lord clearly thinks you have very broad shoulders to cope with all of this and I wish you well in making yet another difficult decision.

Personally I think you have a lazy manipulative social worker who is looking for an easy out for him .

I think programmes like long lost family are horrific and never show the true mental cost to those involved I have often wondered about the two boys who were adopted and if they come looking for family in years to come their reaction as to why most of the other children so far have been taken in by the rest of the family and not them

ognum

Both_Feet_on_Terra_Firma wrote: »

I think programmes like long lost family are horrific and never show the true mental cost to those involved I have often wondered about the two boys who were adopted and if they come looking for family in years to come their reaction as to why most of the other children so far have been taken in by the rest of the family and not them

I believe there is an enormous amount to think about here. It is easy to trott out the let them go to a ‘lovely’ adoptive family and all will Be well.

It’s not as easy as that, some adoptions are good, some are awful. I have friends who have had their marriages broken from adopting children and others who have returned children to the care of the local authority because the whole family dynamic has been broken by adoption. I know of people who understand why they were adopted but hated their lives as adopted children.

This situation is not black and white. Sometimes having poor parenting by birth parents but with a supportive environment is the best, sometimes it isn’t.

Once children have reached the age of Mooloo grandchildren much has already been imprinted and it can only be varied slightly not iradicated. This would not be the easy adoption there is too much water under the bridge.

There is no right or wrong here, all depends on the support that can be given to these children in whatever environment they are in.

Savvy_sewing

Reference the boys already adopted, they were given a life story book to tell them about the reason behind why we couldn't keep them, and then my health was in a poor way.
It reads like the whole lot of my grandchildren are compromised and that is not true. I have 11 grandchildren. And although statistics are high I still have 6 in perfectly normal situations, and although Dgd is with me she is not going to be coming back to find out anything about her life, she knows it, and all her relatives except the absent father, who is not a part of anyone's life, and who was not interested in her until he wanted to go on Jeremy Kyle, over my dead body!
We get letter box once a year about the adopted boys, and although they are well loved, travelled etc and have a new family I know that they have issues that are being addressed.
I don't know what the future will hold, but I had an appointment with my doctor today, and she said that I will need to look after my health but that there is no reason I cannot be a healthy 70 year old.
I certainly know a lot of them doing fostering and grandparent duties.
I don't expect life will be easy but then it never was.
I would regret it if I didn't try. Like I do with the first boys situation, .
The doctor did say would I give up my business now that I am closing the shop, and obviously that is an option, and I will think about it, but I would still have my workshop and use my evening to sew, so either just being creative or possibly working part time.
It will depend on the funding available whether I am a Foster carer or a Special Guardian or not.
I would not be adopting.

Savvy_sewing

I have emailed the head of the social again this afternoon and put a lot of questions to him. He has replied with the name of the new social worker and her team leader, and said he would be happy to conference call me or visit and has asked for my best phone number. So I have replied and will hope that he arranges a call soon.

I am tired today, it must be the weather, it's quiet muggy.
I have retired to my room for some peace and quiet (ish). The baby has started to scream for no apparent reason and it's as if he's just testing his voice (or found it!), but gosh it is piercingly high and loud.

JIL

I just wanted to say I admire your strength. I can tell by what you have written you have put a lot of thought and reasoning into this. That cannot be an easy thing to do.
I hope all of your family realise how lucky they are to have you.

pollyanna_26

Mooloo wrote: »

I have emailed the head of the social again this afternoon and put a lot of questions to him. He has replied with the name of the new social worker and her team leader, and said he would be happy to conference call me or visit and has asked for my best phone number. So I have replied and will hope that he arranges a call soon.

I am tired today, it must be the weather, it's quiet muggy.
I have retired to my room for some peace and quiet (ish). The baby has started to scream for no apparent reason and it's as if he's just testing his voice (or found it!), but gosh it is piercingly high and loud.

Glad you've emailed someone higher up the chain and had a useful response. I found that sudden last minute call from the sw a bit last minute tbh . Asking such an important question and expecting an immediate response isn't very professional.


Hopefully the baby will tire soon. My lot were always slow to settle in the light nights. Solved that with blackout linings for the curtains and reading bedtime stories and poems in a slow very boring voice. I managed to put myself to sleep at times.
pollyx

Savvy_sewing

At the moment it's Dad's rules and bedtime routine so I stay fairly well clear unless I am babysitting. But I do have some blackout blind on a makeshifts pole behind the curtains. When I get time I will make suitable curtains for Boys as it is a bit girly with Owls at the moment.

I had originally thought about the care of the children last year, but I thought they had ruled me out of the equation or at least the Health Visitor had told Biggest non of us were suitable so I had stopped thinking about it. But now that doesn't appear to be the case I have immediately revisited the option and of course I have been sharing my home with them for the last 3 months so I know them better now.
I will still need all my questions answered.
I can still say no if I don't get all my questions answered. And it is still only a recommendation.

Meanwhile I will continue to work on my health, but don't expect me to start running a marathon or even around the block!!

pollyanna_26

If you're not already doing it I recommend typing and printing a list of all those questions in advance. It's easy to forget things you meant to mention in a meeting .


I'm glad you've had a good talk with your doctor. It's still very humid here and I'm beginning to wish for a proper thunderstorm It was forecast here today but hasn't happened yet.



If the owl curtains are in good condition it could be worth either selling or using the fabric for makes. My youngest now 34 has always loved owls . We get them here so she grew up with them. Way back she called them Wols and the word has stuck in the family . At times I think we sound completely bonkers.


I think you're wise to look carefully at the financial side of things. You're obviously aware of how funding etc has been cut in many ways and the fact it will continue. We have had a fair number of top rated nurseries for decades here over the years and in the last couple of years seven have closed. They charge high fees for those who can pay. However the ones that closed couldn't keep raising the fees to make up the funding shortfall for children who needed it.



Hope you sleep well . I may do a rain dance and pray for sleep.
pollyx