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Does my ex need to know where I live when I have my daughter?
in MoneySaving dads
69 replies 16K views
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Now this would make the most sense. New girlfriend and ex partner accidentally bumping into each other and then the proverbial hitting the fan. That would probably put me off giving my address too...
But in reality, it makes no difference, you need to give the address.... You need to see your daughter. Like I said, unless you can pull a legitimate extenuating circumstance out, such as domestic violence, then you're going to suffer. If you were abused or if she was violent, don't feel ashamed to post it. There are threads about domestic violence involving both sexes on this forum and the support is very good.
When i saw the OP say 'bad story line from eastenders' my immediate thought was that the new partner is the ex's mum or something.
Its quite clear theres a game being played here. I have some sympathies with the OP in that so far he seems to be completely at the whim of the mother and fitting around her lifestyle. I suspect hes got to a point where saying yes to keep the peace has become too tiresome and hes fighting back. I have sympathies with the mother wanting to know where their child is. That said, im married and have a child and at no point would i ever consider informing my OH of places me and daughter are going.
To those suggesting that the mother has to/should know, i drop my daughter off at nursery two times a week. They go out and about in the local town. Sometimes charity shops, post office, police station etc but the fact is this is ad hoc. I do not get a phone call to tell me where my child is. And this is a perfectly acceptable as the people she is left with are entrusted to look after her. Any issues standard procedures apply, they ring me. Like any parent would ring any other parent if there was an actual issue, not one of the hundred or so times in a day in which a child will say they are hurt/upset and cry.
The OP can make it easier for him to see his daughter, i suspect the reluctance to do so is based on doing one easy things led to doing another easy thing, which led to doing another easy thing which led to agreeing to do an easy things which led to a mountain of things they have to do in order to see their daughter. At what point do the request become unreasonable? Id say when they request something they where previously perfectly happy with and or is happy with it when it suits them. This sounds like one of those situations.
(not that I agree with your suggestion)
Can you imagine social services response to you having to admit that you let your child out of your care without knowing where that child was going to be?
Op has stated the ex is irratic and unpredictable....so those saying ‘what’s the worse that can happen?’ Clearly have not been on the other end of an irratic or unpredictable person. I have, male/female it doesn’t matter...it’s scary.
I have personally had to move, come off social media and become ‘off grid’ to avoid a person tracking me down - so completely understand.
Equally, I’ll bet you with tables turned and op being female, and ex being male - the tone of this thread would have been very different..... I can literally see it now....
If a woman was refusing a male ex new address, there would be outrage.
And can I add - I don’t need ‘proof’ or examples of what op is saying had happened before....
I know he’s long gone but good luck op.
To circumvent the matter I would arrange contact at a neutral(ish) address, say, your mums or sisters and spend time with your daughter there.... saves you the anxiety of not knowing when she may or may not turn up at your place of living.
Hope it works out for you.
Their response I suspect would be - Well the child is with his or her father...!