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Does my ex need to know where I live when I have my daughter?

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Following on from my post referring to a court order. My ex will not allow me to see my daughter based on the fact I will not tell her my new address.
I have been at this address for 8 months and my daughter has stayed with me every other weekend until about 4 weeks ago. Now all of a sudden it is an issue.
She has been using the fact I won’t give her the address as a reason for her not to let me see my daughter.
The main reason I don’t give her the address is because I do not trust her.
I pick up and drop off, she has my contact number.
As her biological father do I need to give my ex the address.
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Comments

  • Rubik
    Rubik Posts: 315 Forumite
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    edited 5 October 2018 at 2:20PM
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    Not unless it's ordered by the court.

    However, it's not unreasonable for a parent to know where their child is staying.

    Is there a specific reason why you won't give your ex your address? If so, have you explained that to her?
  • Comms69
    Comms69 Posts: 14,229 Forumite
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    At the minute you don't have a court order so it's down to goodwill.


    In essence will you sacrifice seeing your daughter for 6 months to protect your address?
  • Rubik
    Rubik Posts: 315 Forumite
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    Comms69 wrote: »
    At the minute you don't have a court order so it's down to goodwill.


    In essence will you sacrifice seeing your daughter for 6 months to protect your address?
    There may well be a valid reason for not disclosing his address, such as domestic abuse, threats, harassment, etc.
  • Comms69
    Comms69 Posts: 14,229 Forumite
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    Rubik wrote: »
    There may well be a valid reason for not disclosing his address, such as domestic abuse, threats, harassment, etc.



    No doubt. Just stating a fact, not offering an opinion one way or the other
  • badmemory
    badmemory Posts: 7,957 Forumite
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    What happened 4 weeks ago to make her change her mind? Had she thought she knew your address only to realise she didn't?


    I must say as a parent I would be very reluctant for the other parent to take a child as young as that without knowing where that child was going to be. I know one young family that it very nearly went very pear-shaped for, but were saved by their older cousin telling all when abused by their step-grandfather. So I am obviously very biased.


    What restrictions would you put on where SHE would like to take your child? How would you feel if she moved & didn't tell you where & said we'll do the handover outside the local train station?


    These things are never going to be easy.
  • Comms69
    Comms69 Posts: 14,229 Forumite
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    badmemory wrote: »
    What happened 4 weeks ago to make her change her mind? Had she thought she knew your address only to realise she didn't?


    I must say as a parent I would be very reluctant for the other parent to take a child as young as that without knowing where that child was going to be. I know one young family that it very nearly went very pear-shaped for, but were saved by their older cousin telling all when abused by their step-grandfather. So I am obviously very biased. - That's an extreme case, obviously. And whilst incredibly sad and traumatic, isn't the same as what's being asked for here. Unless you are providing your ex partner with a breakdown of exactly where the child will be at any given moment, you cant really expect the same?


    What restrictions would you put on where SHE would like to take your child? How would you feel if she moved & didn't tell you where & said we'll do the handover outside the local train station? - I think that would be perfectly reasonable.


    These things are never going to be easy.

    No, but the logic of, you cant look after our shared child unless I know where you are, is at best impractical and probably bordering on controlling abusive behaviour.
  • edmond
    edmond Posts: 292 Forumite
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    Can I please just start this off by saying I’m a dad who wants to see his daughter.
    Thank you for all your responses.
    A quick background to what has led me to this point albeit I understand this is one persons perspective and sounds like a bad story line from Eastenders.
    I also need to caveat the following by stating my ex has been clinical diagnosed with biopolar disorder, and has a very controlling personality. However I don’t like to use this as a reason for her behaviour towards me.

    I have three children in total. 2 with my ex wife who I see every other weekend and until recently every Wednesday.
    My 3rd child (who is with my ex) whom again I until recently used to see every Wednesday and every other weekend.
    I pay maintenance to all three children and have an active part in all their lives.

    My ex and I met about 10 years ago. We always had a relationship with far more downs than ups.
    4 years ago she gave birth to our beautiful daughter. As I had already been involved in a marriage which had failed I didn’t want the same thing to happen again.

    The relationship with my ex ticked along however in June / July 2016 I had reservations that something was not quite right. In August 2016 and by absolute accident I found out she had been seeing another man. Now her description to me was she needed someone to confide in, she felt she could not talk to me. However my response was if it was innocent why keep it a secret.
    For me this was the tipping point in the relationship, and we agreed that I would move out of the family home after Xmas as we had a tenancy on the house which expired Feb 2017.

    Fed 2017 I moved into a flat about 5 mins away and started a new life. I saw my youngest daughter whenever I could and things seemed to be OK.

    In around March 2017 my daughter told me her mum had been seeing another man and low and behold it was the same guy I have my suspicions about in 2016.
    2 months later he had moved in.
    Again none of the above was communicated to me by my ex but by our daughter.
    It would have been nice to have been told, but this was her life now mine, although she didn’t seem to understand why i felt she should have told me at the time she was introducing a new man into her life.

    In April 2017 I met my new partner who lived about 60 miles from me. We decided in March 2018 to move in together into her house.
    I let my ex wife and ex partner know this was going to happen and that I would still see my children every other weekend and every other Wednesday.

    At no point did my ex ask me what my new address would be.

    This continued to happen and all seemed ok till about 3 months ago when my ex informed me her and her current partner had split because he had been seeing escorts online.
    Although in my head I thought what goes around comes around I tried to be very sympathetic to her and what had happened and that the health and welling of my daughter is all that mattered.

    Inspite of the above it transpired my ex had booked a holiday in September on the exact week of my birthday. Oversight? Maybe. It also turned out that she was going on holiday with her ex. Something I can only assume was a last chance saloon type of thing.
    It looks like the holiday did not turn out the way she wished as since then things have taken a turn for the worse.

    I had stated to my ex back in June I had been invited to a wedding in October, of which she then booked my daughters birthday party on the same date as the wedding. Basically giving me an ultimatum daughters party or wedding.

    We have a private agreement to pay maintenance through the governments nursery voucher scheme. My ex now wants to go through the CMS.

    One weekend when my daughter was with me she was playing ball with one of the other children got hit in the face with the ball and had a bloody nose. I did not mention this to my ex as it was all dealt with. However my daughter mentioned it to her mum and this is now been used as a reason I cannot see her.
    Although I do agree I should have mentioned this happened.

    Again about 6 weeks ago my ex requested additional money for swimming lessons for our three your old. When I suggest this is was child maintenance is for this was then used as a reason for me not caring about my daughters safety.

    As stated above I used to see all three children every Wednesday, my youngest who is now nearly 4 I would drop off about 8pm. This was now to late, and I’d have to drop off my 3 year old at 7pm which would mean she would not be able to see her older brother and sister. I would have to alternate Wednesdays one week the two eldest the other my three year old.

    I also have just come back from a weeks holiday with my new partner which I had also added fuel to her fire. The fact I’m happy and have moved on and she had not.

    I was given the following ultimatums:

    I could only see my 3 years old every other Wednesday so she’s back for 7pm.
    She wanted to know everything I did with her when she was with me.
    She wanted me to cover half of the cost for the swimming lessons.
    She also wanted to know my address.

    After some messaged back and forth I agreed to the first 3 but did not want her to know my address as her behaviour is to erratic and unpredictable.

    Based on the fact I would not agree to the final point she is using this as a reason for me not being able to see my daughter.

    Today I have been near enough begging to see my daughter. When asked what would she say to my three year old I was greeted with ‘I’ll tell her you have gone away’

    Sorry this is very long winded.
  • Comms69
    Comms69 Posts: 14,229 Forumite
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    Just go to court; report any concerns to social services
  • edmond
    edmond Posts: 292 Forumite
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    My concern about going to court like most fathers is the cost.
  • Comms69
    Comms69 Posts: 14,229 Forumite
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    edmond wrote: »
    my concern about going to court like most fathers is the cost.

    £300??!!!!!!!
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