Does my ex need to know where I live when I have my daughter?

edmond

scd3scd4 wrote: »

Tell her or go to court. What else is there?


That said the child probably will in the near future anyway. Unless you are going to tell her not to tell mummy where you live.


Out of interest. She moves, wont tell you where and you have to pick them up and drop off outside Asda, that ok?

I would prefer to meet at a mutual destination but this has never been an option. For all three of my children I collect from there house and drop off. It’s time I get to spend with them.

calleyw

badmemory wrote: »

It isn't that the child got hurt, of course children get hurt all the time, it's in their job description, it is that he didn't tell her.

So the parent with care should ring up the ex every time the child falls over and hurts themselves to let them know? I am sure every parent with care does that all the time. Very doubtful.



My ex husband was lucky to get anything information out of his ex about his children. Who he paid for and wanted to see more often but because of me (no I came years after they split) would not allow it.


And lets be honest if the OP had told his ex, she would held that against him saying that he can't see his daughter as he can't look after her properly and is a bad dad. But its ok if the daughter in her mothers care get a bloody nose. She would never have thought to tell the OP about it. So he was in a no win situation.


Shame that people can't see to act like adults when they split and have child and stop all the silly games.


Yours


Calley X

badmemory

I would have expected him to say at handover (not make a phone call) something along the lines of, our child had a bit of a tumble but I checked her out & she's fine. BUT I would also expect the mother to say when handing her child over something along the lines of she fell yesterday & has a nasty bruise on her arm. This is a 2 way street. They should both communicate. After all if they were still living together wouldn't they tell each other if the child got hurt on their watch? That shouldn't change, the child isn't responsible for its parents living apart. It is unfair to the child to play games with the way it lives its life.

calleyw

badmemory wrote: »

I would have expected him to say at handover (not make a phone call) something along the lines of, our child had a bit of a tumble but I checked her out & she's fine. BUT I would also expect the mother to say when handing her child over something along the lines of she fell yesterday & has a nasty bruise on her arm. This is a 2 way street. They should both communicate. After all if they were still living together wouldn't they tell each other if the child got hurt on their watch? That shouldn't change, the child isn't responsible for its parents living apart. It is unfair to the child to play games with the way it lives its life.

And what if you only have access once a month? The PWC is going to remember every fall and tumble and give you a long list of what has happened.


Back in the real world. It does not happen. And unless it was really serious then I would not expect to know, as children hurt themselves all the time.



PWC will hold children to ransom over the littlest thing and its normally the dad that are the absent parent so they are the ones that get the kicking over every little thing. No matter what they do.



If you don't have a good relationship with the other parent. Most of time you want to drop off and get out of there, so you don't get grief. hence why it can easily slip your mind if the child got hurt the day before, so forget to mention it. And if he had text or messaged her at the time. She might have demanded he bring the child straight back ruining the time together.



One time my ex husband went to take his son for a hair cut and he had nits. He was so embarrassed as he did not know and the barber told him. His ex never told him nor the child. That is something he should have been told so not spread it around.



Its time the family courts started to see that mothers are not always the best to have custody. Even more so when they start to play games about access. A lot of time that stems from jealousy that the father of their child has moved on with his life.


Most want to spend time with their children but are not allowed to because of petty jealousy by the ex. If there is violence or abuse then I get that. But other wise nope. For a lot of men they may not love there ex and left but they never stop loving or wanted to leave there children.


Yours


Calley X

badmemory

calleyw wrote: »

Its time the family courts started to see that mothers are not always the best to have custody.

I couldn't agree more. I fully expected my ex to go for custody & I would have agreed as he was more his son than mine, right from day one. When he eventually admitted to his affair, he told me he needed a woman in his life because his son would need a mother. The new woman said no way, I can't have any & I don't want someone elses. So he hasn't seen his son since - almost 30 years.


His paternal grandfather used to see him - I did a 400+ mile round trip in a day to ensure he could. I didn't stay to allow them some one on one time. That stopped when he moved house to be near his son & my ex asked me to stop contacting the grandfather as he no longer wanted to see him. That is my one regret that I took the ex's word for it. I suspect that his grandfather died believing that his grandson didn't want to see him.


Now for the really interesting titbit. Some time after he died (it was still there at the time he died) the family tree he had online with wives 1 & 2 & a grandson, suddenly became just the one wife.


It isn't always the ex who is jealous & unpleasant.

AnotherJoe

Only one person has raised this,but it makes everything else so much waffle, practically speaking this is an impossibility, because the daughter will know the address soon enough.

Suppose you had a massive (and v expensive) court battle, and won*, result = agreed, you dont have to tell mum the address.
Next time daughter goes back to mum (shes aged five or six by now) she tells her anyway.
Utterly pointless.


* unlikely because a judge will surely point out the impracticality of this as well.

Grezz24

If i was ever in a situation where i couldnt see my Son due to a breakup, i would do whatever it took to see him, including giving my new prospective address which i dont see as an unreasonable ask.

Reverse the situation, if your ex moved wouldnt you want to know where she lived?

As a father you should overcome these small slights to see your child, you wont get any of this wasted time back and you're the one missing out on seeing your child grow up.

whats the worst that can happen, your ex turns up and starts acting erratic - call the police
you get threatening post - call the police

Red-Squirrel_2

Red-Squirrel wrote: »

Are you planning to try and keep you address secret from your daughter too?

Not very safe, kids should be able to tell someone their parent's address and phone number in case of an emergency, shouldn't they?

Spendless wrote: »

child learns how to read and tells their Mum the street name that they see pass in the car and the door number on the house. My own daughter was an early reader at 4-5 years old, so unless you live at a complicated address name or can design a route where child never sees the road signs, this will happen. Older step siblings may also tell child the address, there's also the chance if you don't live too far away that child will remember a route and be able to describe which house is yours.

What were your plans for keeping your address secret for years?

pickledonionspaceraider wrote: »

but IMO any attempt at keeping the address secret is going to be short lived and barely worth the dramatics

Spendless wrote: »

If you want to see your child and refuse your address, then the only way is to hope by going through the courts they agree you can keep it secret (still won't stop the child growing up and being able to tell Mum though)

scd3scd4 wrote: »

That said the child probably will in the near future anyway. Unless you are going to tell her not to tell mummy where you live.

[QUOTE=AnotherJoe;74910774]Only one person has raised this,but it makes everything else so much waffle, practically speaking this is an impossibility, because the daughter will know the address soon enough.
[/QUOTE]

I count at least five...

clearingout

Coming to this late. My ex refused me an address at some distance away. Our eldest child was just 7 at the time.

Solicitor said that of 3 local judges and in the absence of any violence on my part, 2 would 100% say he had to hand over the address and the other she was 90% sure would go the same way.

Seek legal advice. But for what it’s worth, this is not an argument worth having compared with not seeing your child.

Stoke

pickledonionspaceraider wrote: »

The reason for the character assassination is because of the lack of any kind of facts whatsoever/ drip feeding. You can't call someone a bad thing and expect everyone to agree / give help - without giving reason WHY - That is playground stuff.

I think there is clearly more to this. However if you are unprepared to say, it just makes it look like you have a lot to hide or that you have no reasons or facts

Your choice

Hope your kid forgives the fact that you let your relationship with her dissolve, because you have issue with her mother

I really do wish you good luck cos I think you will need it

Actually on this forum, that seems to happen quite a lot..... except the 'someone' is a male, and arbitrary male bashing does appear to be acceptable.

Personally, I think you need to give her your address. If she has no history of domestic abuse or violence then it will be better for both of you long run and will allow you to maintain your relationship with your daughter.

What is there to fear? If it's violence or domestic abuse, then you need to state that, as that changes the complexities significantly.