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Does my ex need to know where I live when I have my daughter?

in MoneySaving dads
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  • edmondedmond Forumite
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    Comms69 wrote: »
    £300??!!!!!!!

    I didn’t realise a court order was only £300. Are these worth the paper there written on.

    This also does not include the mediation fees
  • Do you know where the mother lives?
  • edmondedmond Forumite
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    Do you know where the mother lives?

    Yes I do as I collect and drop off each time I have my daughter
  • Comms69Comms69 Forumite
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    edmond wrote: »
    I didn’t realise a court order was only £300. Are these worth the paper there written on.

    This also does not include the mediation fees

    Get a C100 ( and PR1 if you arent on birth certificate ); first mediation should be free.

    It’s a court order like any other.
  • edmondedmond Forumite
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    Comms69 wrote: »
    Get a C100 ( and PR1 if you arent on birth certificate ); first mediation should be free.

    It’s a court order like any other.



    Thank you. The mediation companies I reached out to wanted to charge for the first session.
  • Comms69Comms69 Forumite
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    Sorry I presumed- does your ex claim benefits?
  • edmondedmond Forumite
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    Comms69 wrote: »
    Sorry I presumed- does your ex claim benefits?

    No she doesn’t she’s a legal contracts advisor
  • edited 5 October 2018 at 10:45PM
    pickledonionspaceraiderpickledonionspaceraider Forumite
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    edited 5 October 2018 at 10:45PM
    Hmmm

    Struggling with this

    A three year old who tells you off her own bat, that mother is seeing someone else? - Oh hold on, that confession was in March 2017 - so that came from a two year old - ?? Without prompting or grilling.... Really??........... And a two year old can define a relationship, can she???....... I call BS

    Plus you trust the ex enough to look after your beautiful daughter, - despite a serious lifelong mental health issue - but not enough to give your EX, the mother of your child, your address? She is ''not to be trusted'' but you allow your daughter - your beautiful three year old daughter, to live with her???? I call BS on this too

    The mother has every right to know where the kid is staying ..just as you have. You sound like you are grilling the kid for info and keeping secrets from her mother. At two years old, a kid cannot define a relationship whatsoever

    If my toddler came back with a bloody nose, from some random address, with random people and random other kids that appeared to be hurting her, I would have a massive problem with the other parent keeping it a secret as well, I wonder why..

    Your terminology is very misleading ''all of a sudden daughter cannot stay with me'' - yes that is because your toddler was injured, in a strange house with strangers, and it was kept a secret. Whom is not to be trusted in this scenario, again?

    If you are so 'desperate' to see your kid, give the address.

    Sounds to me that everything is NOT how you paint it to be, OP!
    With love, POSR <3
  • edmondedmond Forumite
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    Hmmm

    Struggling with this

    A three year old who tells you off her own bat, that mother is seeing someone else? - Oh hold on, that confession was in March 2017 - so that came from a two year old - ?? Without prompting or grilling.... Really??........... And a two year old can define a relationship, can she???....... I call BS

    Plus you trust the ex enough to look after your beautiful daughter, - despite a serious lifelong mental health issue - but not enough to give your EX, the mother of your child, your address? She is ''not to be trusted'' but you allow your daughter - your beautiful three year old daughter, to live with her???? I call BS on this too

    The mother has every right to know where the kid is staying ..just as you have. You sound like you are grilling the kid for info and keeping secrets from her mother. At two years old, a kid cannot define a relationship whatsoever

    If my toddler came back with a bloody nose, from some random address, with random people and random other kids that appeared to be hurting her, I would have a massive problem with the other parent keeping it a secret as well, I wonder why..

    Your terminology is very misleading ''all of a sudden daughter cannot stay with me'' - yes that is because your toddler was injured, in a strange house with strangers, and it was kept a secret. Whom is not to be trusted in this scenario, again?

    If you are so 'desperate' to see your kid, give the address.

    Sounds to me that everything is NOT how you paint it to be, OP!

    Thank you for your response.

    Can I please start off by saying I have a young baby girl (a child) not a baby goat.

    Right from the start I stated this was my perspective and I did not want to use her mental health issues as a reason for her behaviour.

    As stated above my ex is a contract lawyer and very intelligent. When she was much younger she was Mensa tested and deemed to have a high IQ. I can only assume my daughter has inherited this intelligent from her mother.

    My daughter was 2 1/2 when she first told me about my ex’s new partner. I think most 2 1/2 year olds would in some way be able to verbalise that a new man was in their life, a man who had moved into her house, gone on holidays. I think we can both agree that wouldn’t be to much of a stretch.

    I have three children and I don’t not as you so eloquently put it ‘grill’ any of them. I have a very open relationship with all three and believe communication from both sides is key.

    Legally as far as I know the mother or father has no right to know where the other live or what they do. I refer you to the judgment of the case of D. v D. (Shared Residence Order) [2001] 1 F.L.R 495, Lord Justice Hale said that where a child is being looked after by one parent, that parent must be allowed to take the decisions relating to the child. While this parent has care of the child, the other parent should not try to interfere with matters relating to this time during which they don’t have care of the child. This does not, of course, extend to taking decisions that contravene a court order. However, where possible, flexible and practical arrangements should be made.
    This had not been an issue for the last 8 months BTW.

    My daughter did not go back to my ex’s with a bloody nose, the accident happened on a Saturday I dropped back on the Sunday.
    I did mention above I should have mentioned it when I dropped off. But as it had been dealt with I didn’t think it was an issue. This BTW was raised by my three year old to her mother. Maybe she was being grilled by her mum? Or maybe I have an intelligent daughter who is able to verbally communicate at a high level.
    When the accident happened my daughter was not with strangers, she was with me, my partner and my two older children. All of whom have been a part of my daughters life and all have met my ex partner.

    You quite clearly know nothing about bipolar disorder. Let me elaborate.
    Bipolar disorder, previously known as manic depression, is a mental disorder that causes periods of depression and periods of abnormally elevated mood.The elevated mood is significant and is known as mania or hypomania, depending on its severity, or whether symptoms of psychosis are present.During mania, an individual behaves or feels abnormally energetic, happy, or irritable.Individuals often make poorly thought out decisions with little regard to the consequences.

    I have to put faith in my ex as in the UK the law system often favours the mother meaning good men good fathers are left battling to see children who are being used as a pawn in a controlling one up mans ship game.
  • SpendlessSpendless Forumite
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    I've got RL female friends (inc one with bi-polar) whose exes has also refused to tell them their address, when having their child/ren and tbh no matter how their ex has tried to dress it up why they should keep their address secret, in reality it has boiled down to one thing, it's been about still having some control over their ex . Nothing else.

    So with the benefit of hindsight from someone who knows kids who got older whose Dad was playing this game, child learns how to read and tells their Mum the street name that they see pass in the car and the door number on the house. My own daughter was an early reader at 4-5 years old, so unless you live at a complicated address name or can design a route where child never sees the road signs, this will happen. Older step siblings may also tell child the address, there's also the chance if you don't live too far away that child will remember a route and be able to describe which house is yours.

    What were your plans for keeping your address secret for years?
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