Does my ex need to know where I live when I have my daughter? 5 October 2018 at 2:05PM in MoneySaving dads 69 replies 16K views

Red-Squirrel_2

edmond wrote: »

It really doesn’t matter what I respond with. If I elaborate more I will be accused of BS or just morning. I only wanted to understand from a legal standpoint where I stand.

Ok.

Legally you don't have to tell your child's mother where you live unless a court orders it.

Morally, and for the sake of your child, you should.

Spendless

edmond wrote: »

I only wanted to understand from a legal standpoint where I stand.

Legally you don't have to give it unless a court orders it. So take your ex back to court for refusing to let you see your child. When it goes to court your ex (or her solicitor) will explain about the refusal of giving your home address. Court will either say you don't have to, or that you do have to disclose it.

If you want to see your child and refuse your address, then the only way is to hope by going through the courts they agree you can keep it secret (still won't stop the child growing up and being able to tell Mum though)

pickledonionspaceraider

warby68 wrote: »

Denying a parent the basic comfort of knowing their child's whereabouts is a horrible form of control.

You need really GOOD reasons and yours are not exactly convincing.

To be honest, you sound more like the one playing control games from the story so far.

Whether you legally have to disclose shouldn't come into it really.

I agree with this a million percent.

And the fact it seems an ever changing story from the OP

You cant see your daughter because you wont give address
You cant see your daughter due to a disagreement over fees for extra curricular activities that you were not consulted about (as per previous thread)
You cant see your daughter because she was injured at your house, and it kept a secret

Either one of these scenarios does not paint OP in any kind of good light and until he comes up facts about what the mother has ACTUALLY done to cause him so much anxiety over her knowing where her own child is - I think there IS a victim in this, and it aint him - all the facts so far scream out to me that the OP wants to be in complete control of everything.

Aside from it all, the main focus is the child. Not the pettiness. Parents need to do what is best for her, and this whole situation is not in the best interests of the kid....it is all about what one parent wants

elsien

Spendless wrote: »

I've got RL female friends (inc one with bi-polar) whose exes has also refused to tell them their address, when having their child/ren and tbh no matter how their ex has tried to dress it up why they should keep their address secret, in reality it has boiled down to one thing, it's been about still having some control over their ex . Nothing else.

So with the benefit of hindsight from someone who knows kids who got older whose Dad was playing this game, child learns how to read and tells their Mum the street name that they see pass in the car and the door number on the house. My own daughter was an early reader at 4-5 years old, so unless you live at a complicated address name or can design a route where child never sees the road signs, this will happen. Older step siblings may also tell child the address, there's also the chance if you don't live too far away that child will remember a route and be able to describe which house is yours.

What were your plans for keeping your address secret for years?

And the situation in reverse - a mother who declined to tell the father her address and insisted in dropping the children off so he wouldn't find out. Had him served with a harrassment order when he phoned to insist on the court agreed arrangements being upheld. Then tried to say he couldn't take the children out of their home town to visit extended family or go on holiday, without her consent. Nearly ended up back in court.
There was no abuse, just a very controlling mother.

Some parents, regardless of gender, have an agenda and sadly it impacts on the children.

pickledonionspaceraider

elsien wrote: »

And the situation in reverse - a mother who declined to tell the father her address and insisted in dropping the children off so he wouldn't find out. Had him served with a harrassment order when he phoned to insist on the court agreed arrangements being upheld. Then tried to say he couldn't take the children out of their home town to visit extended family or go on holiday, without her consent. Nearly ended up back in court.
There was no abuse, just a very controlling mother.

Some parents, regardless of gender, have an agenda and sadly it impacts on the children.

Oh god yes defo regardless of gender. I have seen both sides as well

I knew a female who refused access . Based on the fact the Dad had cheated. I know he had done wrong, everyone knew he had done wrong...but all it did was end up hurting the daughter in the long run. Sad for all

Oli.s

Take it to court, doesn't sound like she will stick to any new arrangement terms based on history anyway and you'll be removing her ability to call all the shots. I'd also stick to payment through the CSA or whatever it's called now as again your taking away her ability to call all the shots. The official route will take a bit of time and a bit of financial outlay but it will prevent any future game playing.

pickledonionspaceraider

Oli.s wrote: »

based on history anyway .

History, what history?? WHAT HAS SHE DONE? Seriously can someone tell me - or do you know more is posted??

This woman has been shamed for some un-named wrong doing - Let's hear what it is that she has done wrong and what game playing she has done If we were offered any kind of reality, I would be offering the OP advice, however...

I've asked multiple times now..and no real facts. from the OP - as to what his ex has done in the past.... All that is offered is cut and pasted articles about bipolar or legal articles. A question expertly dodged.

edmond

I am not prepared to supply further 'facts' about my situation as this will lead to more character assignation and accusations of BS.
I posted a simple question on the forum requesting advice from a legal stand point not a moral stand point.
Over the last 1 1/2 years I have come to realise morals mean nothing when it comes to children with an ex partner.
Thank you for all your responses, some have given me food for thought.

pickledonionspaceraider

The reason for the character assassination is because of the lack of any kind of facts whatsoever/ drip feeding. You can't call someone a bad thing and expect everyone to agree / give help - without giving reason WHY - That is playground stuff.

I think there is clearly more to this. However if you are unprepared to say, it just makes it look like you have a lot to hide or that you have no reasons or facts

Your choice

Hope your kid forgives the fact that you let your relationship with her dissolve, because you have issue with her mother

I really do wish you good luck cos I think you will need it

Marvel1

warby68 wrote: »

Denying a parent the basic comfort of knowing their child's whereabouts is a horrible form of control.

You need really GOOD reasons and yours are not exactly convincing.

To be honest, you sound more like the one playing control games from the story so far.

Whether you legally have to disclose shouldn't come into it really.

Denying a child to see their Father and using child as a weapon is much worse.