Caught up in a fight over money

happyandcontented

Pollycat wrote: »

Yes. Very petty.

To not invite you is one thing but to invite you then take that invite back is pretty despicable.

They are just using that invite as a way to try to make you do what they want.
I'd view these people as not worth bothering with.


I would only take this advice
if you want the hassle.

I'd personally consider being uninvited to a wedding simply because I won't do what someone else wants as a soured relationship anyway.
I do agree that this is not of your making.

Or if being the nice person that you clearly are, you would really actually prefer not to be estranged from all your family without knowing in your own mind you have done all you could to help sort out the issue despite being the wholly innocent party in all this.

Red-Squirrel_2

Elinore wrote: »

Ummm not sure. If I stay away after being reinvited ill look like I am snubbing them after an olive branch.

Its completely possible that you would have made other plans that you now can't cancel after you were disinvited.

No way in hell would I go to a wedding I'd been 'disinvited' to without a seriously grovelling apology, and probably not even then!

Pollycat

happyandcontented wrote: »

Or if being the nice person that you clearly are, you would really actually prefer not to be estranged from all your family without knowing in your own mind you have done all you could to help sort out the issue despite being the wholly innocent party in all this.

Being the nice person I clearly am, I've been the totally undeserved victim of a 'huge backlash' and have been uninvited from a family wedding. A totally childish action.

Any sorting of the issue would need to come from the not-wholly-innocent parties in all this.

Just my take on the situation.
You are not obliged to agree.
My family is very small, we do not socialise with Aunts/Uncles or cousins so all this petty squabbling doesn't happen.
I'm close to my Mum and my youngest sister.
Middle sister has had nothing to do with the family for a number of years.
My responses to 'dilemmas' such as these are based on my own family dynamics - as I'm sure your responses are.

As for the OP, in the event that I was re-invited to the wedding, I would have made alternative plans and therefore would be unable to accept the new invitation.

happyandcontented

Pollycat wrote: »

Being the nice person I clearly am, I've been the totally undeserved victim of a 'huge backlash' and have been uninvited from a family wedding. A totally childish action.

Any sorting of the issue would need to come from the not-wholly-innocent parties in all this.

Just my take on the situation.
You are not obliged to agree.
My family is very small, we do not socialise with Aunts/Uncles or cousins so all this petty squabbling doesn't happen.
I'm close to my Mum and my youngest sister.
Middle sister has had nothing to do with the family for a number of years.
My responses to 'dilemmas' such as these are based on my own family dynamics - as I'm sure your responses are.

As for the OP, in the event that I was re-invited to the wedding, I would have made alternative plans and therefore would be unable to accept the new invitation.

No, I don't agree. IMO life is too short, that is my experience of this kind of issue in other families, that from 'petty' things huge, sometimes insurmountable, mountains grow.

My own family dynamic is that we talk it out and get through it.

This a petty issue but if stubbornness reigns on both sides then it will become a serious rift.

Each to their own, however.

ska_lover

Pollycat wrote: »

As for the OP, in the event that I was re-invited to the wedding, I would have made alternative plans and therefore would be unable to accept the new invitation.

Same here.

I would not go after being ungraciously kicked out of it...No way.

Primrose

If I was re-invited after that kind of pettinessI would feel so uncomfortable I wouldn't,t go, say I'd made other arrangement and was now after all, able to attend another event that I'd originally turned down because of the family wedding.

Smodlet

"To each, their own" absolutely. My experience has been that blood is far from thicker than water; love is definitely thicker than blood and that is what you showed Aida and she has shown you back, OP. She has dealt with honour and I hope she never has to find out just how horrible your relations seemingly are.

moneyistooshorttomention

Mojisola wrote: »

Poor Aida - I hope they're not all going to gang up on her at wedding and make her feel awful for not offering them more money.

I'm not inclined to think that so much - but what I do think is that someone at that wedding is pretty likely to have a drink or three extra and "in vino veritas" and the truth will come out of what they think and why you aren't at the wedding yourself.

There'll be Aida there in all innocence and expecting a happy occasion and she'll be broadsided by that happening if she isn't aware of how they feel.

I expect there's more than a few of us that have had an occasion where we've walked into somewhere innocently and expecting a good time to be had by all etc and "bang" and things have kicked off and a friend of ours that isn't there knew there was A.N.Other that "had a different viewpoint" about something, but that friend hadnt warned us in advance about this. It leads to feeling betrayed by the friend who could & should have warned there was "something in the air". Followed by Aida coming back to you and probably not using the word "betrayal" about not having been warned - but asking to know why she hadnt been.

Hence another reason I think it's best to tell Aida (as dispassionately as possible) "how the land lies" - and forewarned is forearmed. She won't feel you've betrayed her by not telling her all this was going on and it's her decision whether to go to this wedding after all or no - but, if she does, then at least she's prepared/has decided what to do or not do as the case may be/etc.

The older I get the more inclined I am to think that there is always going to be two different sets of "basic assumptions" about "how things will be" - and if someone has the other set of "basic assumptions" (ie set of values) then careful negotiation is necessary. If we all had the same set of values life would be so much easier - but it's usually not the case and one can never work on the basis of "Of course they'll have the same value system as myself" about anyone else (even if they're a very close relative).

DrivingMissDaisy

I would go after Jennifer for part of the profit. Suggest the relatives go talk to the solicitor and explore options.

moneyistooshorttomention

Now wondering at a poster giving a different name than Aida......:cool: