taking responsibilty to get me where I want to be

WinterWarrior

Your sister could contest it if she isn’t happy, so being fair will save you money, problems and time as well as your conscience. It is probably worth looking into though, getting a valuation, seeing how much each of you would get (after costs) and whether it’s viable to do. If house prices are still rising then the sooner you agree a price the better it might be? You would save money on moving and you may possibly be able to avoid stamp duty if it was done in such a way that it was a transfer…I don’t know, but it wouldn’t hurt to look into it.
it’s an awful position for you to be in, but your mum must appreciate you so very much.

efes_shareholder

WinterWarrior said:

Your sister could contest it if she isn’t happy, so being fair will save you money, problems and time as well as your conscience. It is probably worth looking into though, getting a valuation, seeing how much each of you would get (after costs) and whether it’s viable to do. If house prices are still rising then the sooner you agree a price the better it might be? You would save money on moving and you may possibly be able to avoid stamp duty if it was done in such a way that it was a transfer…I don’t know, but it wouldn’t hurt to look into it.
it’s an awful position for you to be in, but your mum must appreciate you so very much.

I'm getting some figures together but not sure how its sitting with me to try and push it through , we will see though 

efes_shareholder

so yep im poor , I've moved the 150 out of my savings as I dont like looking so poor and hopefully it will still be there come pay day , the month just feels more acheivable with it there.

Had my bit of respite for the week , it doesn't feel enough or sufficient but it is what it is and it won't get better
Decided I'm going to rejoin a local gym , I can get there for an hour or so in the evenings when mums asleep and weekends when the carer is in and it may improve my wellbeing. I'm also spurred on by the big news in the family that my daughter is now engaged , been expecting it but its now official so I need to be a hot looking mother of the bride to really tap in to the ex's crazy girlfriends insecurities and I will so enjoy it !!! 
Weekend was relatively quiet on the spends £9 for the football drinks and then £15 for a spoons trip on sunday 
Early night tonight is needed 

efes_shareholder

so I'm realising that the amazon spends etc on my every day card are really impacting on my budgets.
I have my 0% card which is now @ £1800 ( 6 more payments of £300 a month or quicker hopefully) but I also use my c/card attached to my bank account for every day stuff ( amazon buys , rob dyas and dunelm sales for example) and I pay off every month but I'm still chasing my tail.
Its got to stop and my banking card has to be the only one I use.
I have my RI sale purchase on it and thats a collect from store , If I don't collect it , it goes back so 10 days after clicking pay I've realised that its not really needed no matter what a deal it was so I won't collect and that will be £28 I won't catch up with pay day as I'm just robbing from next months pay day.
I bought some bedding in Dunelm but that can stay as I've been after some for a while and I love my bed and have to sleep @ home in it a lot lately.

Absolutely shattered tonight , have already dozed off for a cheeky 30 winks ( set the alarm as I felt like I'd be there all night ) , go woken up by a phone call so I'm waiting for mum to settle down and I'll be in bed with the football and prob be asleep by half time !

efes_shareholder

Up with the larks this morning at 5.10am , already tired , am so going to feel it later. 
Combination of bad dreams that seemed almost real and a troubled mind I think but still England are going to the Euro Final so today should present a happy nation. Not sure where I will watch it however its on a sunday which is always my evening off so at least there is no battle with my sibling who once again watched the game in the pub last night.
She keeps putting her evenings out on social media , it hasn't gone unnoticed from our mutual friends who know excatly how my situation is , people should really consider how they are percieved by others but it just shows she doesn't consider that kind of thing..........I'm just waiting to be told that I forget she has a family again!!! Need to find somewhere to watch the final ,dont want to do it @ home.
Didnt manage a NSD yesterday and a half price bottle of Haig 
resented itself , Thought it would make a change but I can't keep making these little impulse purchases for things I could do without. Still if I have a few glasses I will forget that !!

efes_shareholder

Bordering on exhaustion I think !!
Work has been absolutely manic , its only starting to slow down now as our guys tend to down tools fairly early on a friday so the traffic in slows up - thank god !! Balancing keeping on top off work and what mum requires has been a real juggle this week , her appetite is back in abundance and shes wanting either something to eat or drink every 20 minutes and pointing out jobs around the house which never bothered her when she was well enough to do them herself !! Haven't slept very well for various reasons and have been waking early and I know I just need a really good nights sleep.

I am getting a bit more time this weekend , we are due to a friends tomorrow evening who I now know through NM , shes lovely and means well but she goes OTT with her understanding and tries to compare her own circumstances which are completely different , I find a lot of people do that , one of my very self asorbed show off friends messaged me to check in with me and said she knew how difficult is was because she had done the same trying to juggle life and work and visiting her dad in hospital before he passed through cancer , but its not the same - her dad was in hospital , my mum isn't and won't be , he had 24 hour care on tap and she could pop in when she wanted , she went to work - I'm working and doing what the nurses do alongside that and she went home to a place she could forget about it and at least relax in the bath.................its just not the same so I wish people would stop with that rubbish , I know they mean well but its not the same.
Anyway I digress , tomorrow we are at a friends ( i'd prob rather not be but hey ho!) and then I have to come back for a few hours on sunday and then we are watching the game at a friends bar a little distance away , I've got monday off so I have booked us in to a prem inn so neither needs to worry about driving and I figured it would do NM and I good to feel like we are having a little holiday , the prem inn is on account at work so will come out of my wages when the invoice arrives or not if the person responsible for signing it off turns a blind eye to the booking ( heres hoping)
Monday I'm going to spend the afternoon ( non hangover permitting) taking things from my room which I will need but dont right now and boxing them up for the garage , I'm running out of space and maybe it will improve how I feel about the state of this house !!
In money news , the bonds win is in , I've spent £7.00 today on a sunbed but thats the only one this week so I will try and keep to the one visit rather then two.
Will need fuel at some point , again going to encourage NM to take his car as it seems to be in mine alot , it may sound tight but if we dont do these friend trips a tank of petrol lasts the whole month and if we do I always need another

lucielle

Hope you have a good time away
L

Kitten868

I've had a thought. Maybe you could make the house look awful and get it valued now. Then buy your sister out of the house and have mum change the deeds over to you? Then you can start making it lovely. 

That was silly I know but an idea I did have was painting the concrete floor in the garage. Bizarrely it makes a big difference and seems much cleaner and I find it easier to sweep too. 

I hope you do get to enjoy Sunday and Monday and get to relax and unwind. Try not to get too irritated by your friends. They do mean well and often I try and talk about something similar to demonstrate I can relate. I never mean it to be competitive. I'm not the best at following this advice but I try to imagine the best of people. As you say the difference is night and day. I hope you know I'm never diminishing what you go through. I know it must be so hard and its all encompassing. 

You're doing a brilliant job as always. Hang in there xxx

efes_shareholder

Kitten868 said:

I've had a thought. Maybe you could make the house look awful and get it valued now. Then buy your sister out of the house and have mum change the deeds over to you? Then you can start making it lovely. 

That was silly I know but an idea I did have was painting the concrete floor in the garage. Bizarrely it makes a big difference and seems much cleaner and I find it easier to sweep too. 

I hope you do get to enjoy Sunday and Monday and get to relax and unwind. Try not to get too irritated by your friends. They do mean well and often I try and talk about something similar to demonstrate I can relate. I never mean it to be competitive. I'm not the best at following this advice but I try to imagine the best of people. As you say the difference is night and day. I hope you know I'm never diminishing what you go through. I know it must be so hard and its all encompassing. 

You're doing a brilliant job as always. Hang in there xxx

Thats possibility , I dont really need to make it look awful its pretty apparent things need to be done 

I've never felt diminished by your good self only motivated , im just tired of life at the moment and want to feel some happiness again 

efes_shareholder

I've woken up a blubbery mess. I dont want to see people , I want to shut myself away but I also want to escape reality.
I'm tired of thinking I'm finally straightened everything out and am getting somewhere in life only to be given a massive slap round the face by reality 
I miss my happiness , I miss feeling positive about the future and I miss feeling appreciated. I feel like I'm everybody's dogs body , I know what I'm doing is vitally important and I'm sure mum appreciated it in her own way but I just feel like the statue.
I cant slack off , I cant just sit in front of the TV all day , I have to get up and show up regardless of how I'm feeling and to be honest I'm tired.
NM is dealing with his own grief and has his own stuff to deal with , i need to cut him some slack but he's been less reliable and after the meeting up with the ex I'm confidence in him is slipping , he was supposed to let me know his plans for today last night but didn't and its 11.30  and I'm none the wiser despite him being on social media this morning.
I'm in danger of kicking the cat and exploding at him merely down to my current mindset of feeling unimportant and thats really not fair when he has recently lost his own mum.
He listens to me complain and wipes my tears and tell me family members will feel guilty for not stepping up more and that this situation isn't forever, one day mum won't be here ......I know this and ill deal with that then but at the moment I'm dealing with the NOW.

I need to take myself in to a corner and have a word about feeling sorry for myself 

In money news which is after all the point of this forum , im £15 down as my daughter was in the area yesterday and travel networks delayed her plans so we had an uber eats on mum
The good news is I used my current account card and not the every day spends card so hopefully once this bill is settled at the end of the month they will have become the same thing.

Apologies for the long post , if you have hung in there , thanks for listening 

I'm off for a little quiet word with myself and to deflate the balloons to this pity party