taking responsibilty to get me where I want to be

lucielle

Sometimes getting it off your chest helps.  Keep going (I'm sure you will)
L

Kitten868

Have your pity party! I think they're needed sometimes. Yes it's no way to live but if you need a day to sulk then have it! I find I can buck up quicker once I've had one rather than pushing myself to be happy for too long. My main thing is music. I had one on Friday. I cried alot and felt miserable but the music and allowing myself to feel like that and think through all my feelings picked me up. I think you might be a bit like me and its not that someone else can raise you up out of it. You need to help yourself. I even wrote strongly worded messages to people but didn't send them and it felt good to get it out of my head. 
I read something recently that said when you cry your body is actually trying to flush out the excess hormone and chemicals that create intense feelings. Your body is on your side. 

You are having a totally awful time of it. We are all hit with uncertainty with this pandemic but you are at least double impacted. The inability to plan anything or aspire to things is so destructive. 

That was sort of why I was saying about buying out your sister earlier so you can start improving your environment without her profiting from it. Something to focus on and feel pride in. I know that for you though your main bliss is your escape but I can't think of any suggestions that way xxxx

efes_shareholder

lucielle said:

Hope you have a good time away
L

Thank you 

efes_shareholder

Kitten868 said:

Have your pity party! I think they're needed sometimes. Yes it's no way to live but if you need a day to sulk then have it! I find I can buck up quicker once I've had one rather than pushing myself to be happy for too long. My main thing is music. I had one on Friday. I cried alot and felt miserable but the music and allowing myself to feel like that and think through all my feelings picked me up. I think you might be a bit like me and its not that someone else can raise you up out of it. You need to help yourself. I even wrote strongly worded messages to people but didn't send them and it felt good to get it out of my head. 
I read something recently that said when you cry your body is actually trying to flush out the excess hormone and chemicals that create intense feelings. Your body is on your side. 

You are having a totally awful time of it. We are all hit with uncertainty with this pandemic but you are at least double impacted. The inability to plan anything or aspire to things is so destructive. 

That was sort of why I was saying about buying out your sister earlier so you can start improving your environment without her profiting from it. Something to focus on and feel pride in. I know that for you though your main bliss is your escape but I can't think of any suggestions that way xxxx

I need to chase up my mortgage advisor
If I buy it now I cant start the renovations with mum being poorly but I'd save a few months of delay and be able to proceed quite quickly further down the line
Id also be liable for all of the house clearance but hey ho 

efes_shareholder

I had a nice time at friends , both nm and I said before we left we didn't want to talk about death or illness.
When I got to Nms he had been out and bought me flowers bless him
I drank slightly too much gin last night and today I'm suffering. My stomach is also given me hip so happy days
I'm home for a short time and then we are off on our little night away
I think it will do us both the world of good to feel like we are escaping our worlds.
The plan is to head to our hotel , get some dinner , head to the football , hopefully celebrate after and then retire to our room with a bottle of haiq whiskey and then toby breakfast in the morning
I'm not putting a budget on today. I've been a football fan all of my life , followed my club around the country and days like today dont come around often so I'm determined to enjoy.
I feel slightly better today. Still stranded but not so unhappy 

Kitten868

Have a brilliant time together. Drink lots of water and have a berroca and hopefully you'll avoid the hangover xxx

efes_shareholder

day off work today but sadly no hangover as the much hoped for celebration didnt happen , still we had a lovely dinner before the game , enjoyed the game with friends we weren't expecting and then headed home where we promptly ate the snacks we had bought and fell asleep.
I booked today off work , went for breakfast at the toby and then went to NM for a quick shower.
Took the car for a clean so £18 spend but it did need it.
Yesterdays spends £24.80 on gins during the game.
I've come home and knocked all the cobwebs out of the garage and started to clear the spare room so I can box things up for the garage , its a bigger job then I expected so I am going to it in stages , theres some stuff for the dump but i wish i'd taken that before I had the car cleaned so that can wait !!!
there is so much tutt in there I've got a few bag fulls to go then I'm going to box things up like posh glasses I've been bought , nice candles etc until such time they will have a place in my home.

efes_shareholder

oh and one of our lovely neighbours dropped some flowers over for mum and told me I was doing a great job , its lovely when people are thoughtful.

Kitten868

That is really lovely of your neighbour.

Plus isn't it mad how tat appears? Or your stuff turns into tat? 

Hope you've had an easier day xxx

efes_shareholder

Absolutely shattered

Got in to bed last night and took a couple of nytol to help me drift off and then got disturbed by a familar smell , went downstairs and the aftermath and mess was absolutely horrendous and took me some time to make good , mopped cloakroom floor , cleaned all sanitary wear and  my mum , changed bed , loaded washing machine - you get the idea ! 
Finally managed to nod off at about 1am after my mind had asked every possible question that you really dont want to consider in the small hours ............
There should be no spends today. I've added a small gin to the weekly shop , I pay enough to live here and do enough to deserve it. The car is full after I brimmed it at costco £1.26 a litre of diesel compared to £1.36 at tesco and I've worked out that I have a daily budget of £13.00 until payday.
I feel poor but all things considered I'm not really just had an expensive month with haircuts and colours etc , I look at my bank spending and all I see is a reminder of my rather foolish past , £500 a month going to pay for things I have already bought and probably bagged up to go to the dump since !!

My credit score has dropped this week , I don't really understand why since I've done nothing , in fact my balances are now showing at 65% of what they were 3 months ago and my credit utilisation is just 14%