taking responsibilty to get me where I want to be

WinterWarrior

I have that spending urge too, it’s so hard 😖
And fuel is awful…I budget for mine and it still seems like robbery. 

efes_shareholder

WinterWarrior said:

I have that spending urge too, it’s so hard 😖
And fuel is awful…I budget for mine and it still seems like robbery. 

I usually do and a tank seems to last me , we do tend to use mine in the nicer weather though as its convertible and diesel , ill be encouraging NM to give his petrol conv a run and ill be nursing this tank hoping most of it is remains come pay day !
I so have the spend urge , I feel like I deserve it but I dont know what "it" is.
I do have a bedding obsession and have loads of sets but haven't bought one for ages as I was waiting until I had my house...... I do NEED a new quilt but again thought new home,, new things but that could be quite some time
If I buy the quilt I know I'm gonna buy bedding!! 

efes_shareholder

yesterday afternoon i headed over to NM's , As it was fathers day his daughters visited , they treat us both to a takeaway which was lovely.
We had a quiet evening in , he booked a special offer on colonic hydrotherapy , rather him then me but it did remind me that I had meant to ask my consultant if it was advisable for me to have this or if I am indeed able.
This evening we are popping out to visit an old friend of mine who is a funeral arranger , he has never had to organise such a thing and is finding it a bit of a minefield , he wont be using her company due to location but she can at least talk him through a few things so he has a clearer idea when he goes to arrange his mums tomorrow.
I need to ask if he would like me to go with him , i only met her once so its more for support ,not sure what my place is her so will need to be tactile
Mums feet have swollen up , dr is sending the district nurse for blood tests but i think its a little sign of further progression or so dr google tells me.
No spends today and just aswell , i'm poor - its amazon prime day so im avoiding , i had decided a ring doorbell would be really useful but its only the wired option on offer so wont be bothering.

Need to stop monitoring right move ................I need to know whats happening out there and what my money buys me. Bit of a quandry as I saw an example of what would be a perfect house for me , in the old town area of my work town , plenty of drive way space , lovely garden , conservatory , i need to have a plan in place , If I buy mums place and do it up I will have a house worth around 380k (in good condition ) with a mortgage around 130k but very little left , If i bought an old town house and kept the same mortgage , I'd have a house worth around 330k but have around 80k over ..................I can't say that proposal isnt appealling ....................obviously right now I can't do either

efes_shareholder

spent a few hours at my friends (sister sat with mum ) , it was a nice catch up and also very informative for NM. My friend has only been doing the job for a few months , said she finds it really rewarding but I don't think I could do it , she was however really compassionate in how she explained things so I'm now in awe of anyone who arranges funerals for a living - Suffice to say that when our time comes to arrange a service , I shall be going to her to sort out the proceedings.
I did spend £5.50 yesterday as I arrived with a bottle of wine , which was more of a thank you for taking time out of her day to go through things , we didnt open it !

When we got back mum was asleep so NM had no other ption really other then to go home as downstairs has been taken over by mum , I dont like to bring him upstairs as the condition of the house is still something that I find quite embarrassing. Funny now mum is ill she has become very particular about things , asking us to wipe the skirting boards down etc , for years its never bothered her. Sometimes I'm sure she has a little smile on her face and actually enjoys getting my sister and I to run round after her. 

The fact I'm so poor until the end of the month has really got me thinking about how much the debts hold me back , its basically a third of my salary going out on historic purchases which I neither recall or probably needed however I CAN clear this by December if I stay on track ......................

Current position 
Tesco 0% c/card £2100 ( currently paying £300 a month , this needs to increase to stay on target for Dec) 
ratesetter loan £1290 ( set payment of £215 per month , last payment December) 

efes_shareholder

Morning 
I'm having a down day despite last nights respite break , its been a bit of a week.
I just feel like all my time is spent serving other people , whether its mum , the organisations that come with that , the house , NM , my kids , It may be selfish but I'm feeling last on the list and the cracks are starting to show.

Didn't spend any money yesterday , had a lovely video chat with my dad and hes keen for me to visit but off course , can't plan anything due to home situation and covid restrictions.

Every area of my life appears to be hold , can't go anywhere without running it past other people whether its to visit my dad or pop to tesco !!! 
I seem to run round after everyone else whether its mum or NM - thought I'd left those days behind when the kids grew up  

efes_shareholder

so yesterdays NSD didnt happen as my daughter told me it was her BF birthday this weekend , he doesn't like a fuss or people spending money on him. He is also the most difficult person to buy for - popped to our local M&S and picked up a gift card each from my mum and me as hes very traditional in his choices and this way , he can either treat himself , the flat or have a spend up in the food court. I'll be heading over to his parents house on sunday and meeting his mum and dad for the first time , quite likely my future in laws so no jeans and trainers !!
Didn't get my sunbed as my limited time was taken picking up his things.
Also its one of my oldest friends 50th at the weekend , shes a cancer survivor and doesn't talk to her own family , shes been a tower of strength to me in recent times , I ordered her something nice on amazon and it arrived yesterday SMASHED , very annoyin , have had to order another in the interim but i've sent them a picture of the smashed arrival and will be after a refund.
Today I'll hopefully get my sunbed , I have a five pound note in my purse so will have however many minutes this buys.
Still feeling a bit despondant , I think the last few months have just worn me out , theres not much I can do about that though other then ride it out.
Started the day with a smile on my face as my daughter was on an early morning quiz on national radio , she did quite well.

efes_shareholder

posting here so I don't check out the bedding I currently have in my basket or the oh so tempting summer drinks urn on special at Robert Dyas .....................both can wait but the dispenser is ultra tempting.
I could put it away until needed ..................

efes_shareholder

Was up really early this morning as my daughter was on the radio again and I didn't want to be rushing to tune in.
After a good few weeks my digestive system is again having a party , I've medicated and hope this improves as the day goes on.
Didn't resist the temptation of the robert dyas offer and ended up buying a 6 litre glass drinks kiln with tap , to be fair its something I've seen before and had intentions of getting when i have my own home and it was reduced from £30 to £12.50 so I'm just gonna store it away .............Thought to myself that when I am in a position to buy one it will probably be £30 again and as I am usually quite a social person with get togethers etc when the oppurtunity comes it will be well used.

Still not very NSD friendly and I'm just longing for payday so I can start all over again 

WinterWarrior

It was a bargain so that can definitely be MSE!

efes_shareholder

WinterWarrior said:

It was a bargain so that can definitely be MSE!

It was indeed and will be great filled with alcohol , juice and ice on a hot summers day

I just don't "need" it but it will get good use at some stage