taking responsibilty to get me where I want to be

WinterWarrior

That’s so rough, but your conscience is clear. You do everything possible to help your mum and she will know this on some level ⭐️

Kitten868

Flipping Nora. What a carry on. You poor thing. I'm glad you got your day off. Put the work down. It will keep.

With your mum I'm sure you're right and she's weak as she's vomiting so much as its physically exhausting and not getting any nutrition. Are they reviewing her pain medication for it? That's the most important thing. Your poor mum too. I don't know if the puppy pads were a good idea but another thing I've thought of is you can buy hospital grade wipes on amazon. I wish I could think of the right thing to suggest to make your lives easier. Just so much constant cleaning for you. I definitely think you should have a holiday when you can. 

You are doing amazingly as always. You are so strong and I'm in awe of you. I'm sending you all the strength I can and love to you and your mum xxx

efes_shareholder

Didn't get my early night.
Mum had a bad afternoon and then evening , very very tearful and adamant that she couldn't breath and needed to go to hospital despite always insisting that she did not want to go there. Called macmillan and they suggested we give a tablet we have for emergancies which is to calm anxiety , gave this , it did very little , she was up and down like a yo-yo , wouldnt allow herself to settle so after an hour I called 111 and then we had to wait for someone to check her over. paramedic came and all levels were fine , as they had been when the district nurse called in. I did say to her I thought she had got herself a little overworked and anxious following the afternoon but once she had the reassurance from the paramedic she did start to settle , she hadn't napped all day so think the episode was driven by anxiety and exhaustion.
after this she did settle but I needed a glass of red ( or a bottle if I'm honest) and eventually got my head down at 10. woke up again at 5.30 this morning.
Feel terrible and not looking forward to another day of increased work load let alone everything else thats going on.
Life insurance has now been debited so everything has left my account. I have just under £400 with the car insurance also debited in full until next pay day.
This should be enough.
Will be trying to grab a quick sunbed after work as I wanted to yesterday but that didn't plan out.

efes_shareholder

Managed a bit more sleep last night , settled down about 9.30 and after 2 nytol eventually nodded off around 11 after being disturbed twice with things dropping downstairs and having to make sure it wasn't mum. Woke up at 5.50 so a slight improvement on previous nights but workstation was in operation by 6.30 once again. 
better day for mum yesterday , although I had to deal with an accident she had in her sleep during the day , for the first time in as long as I can remember she wasn't sick at all , she'd had scrambled egg on toast for breakfast , a chicken and bacon sandwich for lunch and some breaded fish with a beetroot , tomato, cucumber and feta cheese salad for dinner so hopefully some nutrition in her now. 
I managed to get my sunbed and with the additon of our recent weather am slowly going a golden brown rather then scarlett red , £5.40 spend but thats ok and very very needed. I was there and back in 30 minutes but at the moment its definately a case of bagging the small wins.
I've had my eye on a nearby maisonette with garden and garage that requires some renovation and is for sale under budget , been umming and ahhing about it as obviously the preference is to keep this house but thought maybe I'll have a look as technically I could afford to do it up as I wanted and at some point just pay the mortgage off ,  its also in my area , decided I would call the agent and view just to satisfy my curiousity more then anything but sadly its under offer - I guess as they say everything happens for a reason.
Today will be work like a trojan , do mum some dinner and get to have my 2nd covid jab , after 2 failed attempts it has to be done by tomorrow - i've booked it to coincide with the carers visit however a nearby friend has kindly offered to sit with mum if I am worried about leaving her 

efes_shareholder

Kitten868 said:

Flipping Nora. What a carry on. You poor thing. I'm glad you got your day off. Put the work down. It will keep.

With your mum I'm sure you're right and she's weak as she's vomiting so much as its physically exhausting and not getting any nutrition. Are they reviewing her pain medication for it? That's the most important thing. Your poor mum too. I don't know if the puppy pads were a good idea but another thing I've thought of is you can buy hospital grade wipes on amazon. I wish I could think of the right thing to suggest to make your lives easier. Just so much constant cleaning for you. I definitely think you should have a holiday when you can. 

You are doing amazingly as always. You are so strong and I'm in awe of you. I'm sending you all the strength I can and love to you and your mum xxx

Thanks kitten , as time goes on I feel less and less strong but I guess we find it within ourselves.
Good tip on the pads , I used to put them under mums bed sheets when she had a wetting problem following her knee operation , generally she has the padded pants but if she doesn't I usually have to spray anti bac the mattress and obviously change the bedding but definately worth having a look in home bargains etc as it certainly wouldn't hurt to have them under the bed sheets again.

efes_shareholder

Oh and I forget , I did have some productivity yesterday and redrafted my will via freewill , suggested by the cancer research website. 
At the moment my current will leaves everything to my ex as it was made when we lived together with the kids , Hes given it to me when the house was sold and it was found in the clear out but obviously needs changing.
Just split everything, my savings , life insurance and pension  equally amongst my 3 kids ( how come we are worth more dead then alive in finance terms!! ) 
When I buy a property and if NM moves in as we intend then I will need to change it again to ensure the property is returned to them should I suffer a demise before him.

efes_shareholder

Today hasn't been easy , I started work at 6.30 in anticipation of a busy day
I was right
I'm so glad my supervisor is back tomorrow.
Mum had another accident requiring full bed and cloth change and wipe down , when it happens I make no fuss I just treat it as its no big deal but uts not an enjoyable experience and I'm sure she finds it very undignified.
I've noticed a shift the last few days , she's not talking much and she's sleeping alot but she's still eating and drinking relatively well so hopefully I'm wrong 
Our macmillan lady is visiting next week to talk to mum about some of her fears and anxieties, im so glad she is and mum was very receptive to the idea
Had my covid jab finally so thats a tick of list
Today wasn't a no spend day thanks to a promo from love honey of all places , without going in to too much detail a little self care is always needed and I do need to relax and let the tension out !! 

Kitten868

Sorry she's taken a turn again. As always you're doing exactly the right thing. Seeking support from macmillan and calling 111. Well done you. Knowing help is there and actually making use of it are two very different things so good work. And you're brilliant trying so hard to make her such nutritious food. She'd get spaghetti hoops from me. 
That house wasn't the only house. If you're meant to buy something different it'll come up. Now isn't the time. 
And good job getting your jab. Reduces your chances of spreading it too. Good for all the medical professionals coming in and your mum. 
Your strength seems depleted because its being used so much every day. But there it is every day. I found myself almost totally destroyed by my daughters habit of weeing all over the floor multiple times a day so how you're coping. Just that alone is enough to drive you mad. You're doing amazing. You are. You will look back on this time one day and not believe you did it. But you are. You are a one woman whirlwind. Glad your boss will be back tomorrow. 
Might have to copy your will company xxxx

efes_shareholder

Kitten868 said:

Sorry she's taken a turn again. As always you're doing exactly the right thing. Seeking support from macmillan and calling 111. Well done you. Knowing help is there and actually making use of it are two very different things so good work. And you're brilliant trying so hard to make her such nutritious food. She'd get spaghetti hoops from me. 
That house wasn't the only house. If you're meant to buy something different it'll come up. Now isn't the time. 
And good job getting your jab. Reduces your chances of spreading it too. Good for all the medical professionals coming in and your mum. 
Your strength seems depleted because its being used so much every day. But there it is every day. I found myself almost totally destroyed by my daughters habit of weeing all over the floor multiple times a day so how you're coping. Just that alone is enough to drive you mad. You're doing amazing. You are. You will look back on this time one day and not believe you did it. But you are. You are a one woman whirlwind. Glad your boss will be back tomorrow. 
Might have to copy your will company xxxx

If you search wills in the main section of this page , you will find the link to freewill and a discount code.
Its free to draw up and free for a year and then £10 a year if you want the option to amend it.
You can also list where any funds are located etc. Mines quite a simple affair at the moment but best to have in place , dont know your personal circumstances but if you aren't married as me and my ex weren't things wouldn't automatically pass to the other and as I've certainly found , people will do things you would never expect when there is money on the table.

efes_shareholder

so last night wasn't great.
Had another accident to intercept , mum does try and do it herself but actually makes more mess then she clears so its just easier to take over. Took my nytol at 9 ish and then saw the light go on downstairs and heard some moving around so thought I'd better check it out. Without being too graphic , there was a trail from the bed to the bathroom and basically pretty much all over herself , the bedding and the bed frame. marigolds on , washing machine on , floor mopped , mum changed , bed changed , frame wiped down and then my sister called as she realised I'd had a rubbish day - Both of us suspect things are on the turn , we can't be sure as neither of us thought she would reach mothers day , her birthday and certainly not my sisters recent birthday but the accidents are bordering on incontinence and she is withdrawing from conversation and sleeping more which all signal things could be changing. 
Sister is coming this afternoon after work so I am going to take the oppurtunity to dart over to NM's during my lunch ( not that I ever get a lunch) and jump in the shower !! going to take the computer and work the rest of the afternoon there and grab whatever respite is available to me , I may even shut work down early and blame my covid jab but we will see how the day goes on that. 
I'm going to need to get some extra bedding in for mum , thankfully the suns been shining so its easy to get everything available again but should that change we could really be in trouble !! If I do an argos collect I should be able to dash and grab tomorrow morning when the carer is here and also fit a sunbed in. 
Its been a horrendous week in terms of overwhelment , I can't wait to clock off from everything on sunday , I've got a nail appt at 10 and then im off to NM's and we are going to a Euro 20 event for the england game , really looking forward to some down time , hoping its a bring your own event so its not costly.