taking responsibilty to get me where I want to be

DayDreamerandGeneralWaster

I sympathise with the prep. I couldn't drink or eat anything orange flavoured for months after l had to do it

efes_shareholder

thank you , I would never tell him he couldn't do something as he wouldn't me but I can't say I'm impressed with it , I hate it - hes said before he has no interest in talking to her as she has been accountable for trying to stir up trouble herself so I guess I'm a little peeved he now wants to listen to what she may have to say but I guess there is an element of curiosity too. I know when and where they are meeting , I just don't like it.
He has been there through out and we are both viewing the relationship with progression in mind and will live together etc when my circumstances allow but the situation does make me insecure and I've just not said too much about it when he has bought it up. I see it as she still has power as she has got him to meet her but hey ho ! I'll be glad when its over and it can be put to bed.
I'll be doing some foot stamping with the dr about further tests when i have my phone consultation but I'm not going to stress over it , its reassurring to know that all my organs and my digestive system are in pretty good shape.
Payday on friday and i have £170 in my account of surplus funds which will go towards my private treatment ( although I do have this set aside) , my car insurance is going out in one hit too which will prob wipe most of my EF out but its budgeted for , I'm due a refund for my cancelled holiday which i have rebooked for next year as yet , going to let things stabilise a bit first but once the refund comes through I will throw it at the tesco card which will get it under 2k with the end in sight. Its currently sitting at 2400 with a 300 direct debit set up so the refund should get it to around 1900.
I'm shattered today , i had a bottle of red last night and a late night and could really do with still being asleep but its not easy ducking work when you are working from home 

efes_shareholder

In other news , I've officially started my xmas shopping.
Amazon had lots of trio of gin small bottles on special at just under £6 so I've ordered a couple as stocking fillers for xmas but they will come in handy if there are any b'days etc between now and then 

WinterWarrior

Wow, well done on the payments and the Christmas shopping! 

efes_shareholder

DayDreamerandGeneralWaster said:

I sympathise with the prep. I couldn't drink or eat anything orange flavoured for months after l had to do it

Its horrendous............its gritty and made me feel so sick but its highly effective !!

DayDreamerandGeneralWaster

Now that is the other C word l don't want to think about at the moment 🤣

efes_shareholder

payday tomorrow and still have the £170 in my account so thats all good , wont be going anywhere today to spend it so thats even better.
Mums had a bad night and morning , lots of sickness and activity at the other end but doesn't want me to call anyone , we seem to have a few good days and then a few bad.
Still slightly put out that NM has made the choice to meet the ex , its his choice but theres some awful behaviour in the past and it rattles me that he is giving her his time all things considered but hes a grown up and its his choice to make - not one I'm impressed with as if the boot was on the other foot I wouldn't have gone but people are people.
My pain was terrible yesterday to the point that it was giving me the sweats and no medication would touch the sides , going to have a very assertive consultation with my GP tomorrow.

efes_shareholder

so payday and because of bank holiday I can sit and watch the funds cocooned in my account for a few days before the vultures circle. Nothing due out straight away although the car could do with a damm good clean.
Mums a little brighter today , spent a bit of time looking out in to the garden getting the fresh air at the back door ,sickness was still a problem this morning but it tends to improve as the day goes on.
Had my doc consultation , basically they are giving me stronger PPI's and painkillers and not entertaining my notion that these problems are not related to my digestive system but they are the medical experts and in them we must trust.
NM is currently on his "lunch date" , its a little bone of contention but he popped in on his way and said he will call in once he is done , there was a few discussions about it yesterday to which he said he didnt really want to go , so i asked if that was the case then why was he. I said I was surprised he was considering he had told me he was not interested in anything she was doing or had to say to which he said he never expected her to get in touch as he had told her not too and she had breeched that. I couldnt help but respond with " well obviously when making your statements about never wanting to converse with her you hadn't fully considered the statement" and that I had told my now deceased ex the same thing and when he did contact me despite this I hung the phone up and did not converse , yet she clicks her fingers and off he skips...............When I'm balanced I get the thought process that it could take tension out the air if we are the same place etc and when I'm feeling vulnerable I think how can I trust anything he says if he back tracks so swiftly and doesnt appear to stand by his own statements.
I don't like it at all , I guess it wont be long until the purpose is known but I've got a lot of bad feeling about it and not sure I can move past it. I would never ever tell someone what they could and couldn't do however I'm very disapointed in him.

efes_shareholder

not a great day for mum , shes looking very weak and suffering a lot of sickness and i cant help but think that things are about to take a downward turn , she looks sad and even getting across to the toilet is taking it out of her. I had a chat with the macmillan nurse when she called about what I should expect when things start to turn and I think finally they are going to visit to give a home assessment which is welcome as I am not medically minded.
Popped out to the shops with my daughter today who has stayed as she has an engagement in the area today and when i got back mum said " I thought I was going!!" 
It was a bit alarming to hear , I'd been invited somewhere tonight but again couldn't go as there was no one available to cover me (same old story getting a bit boring now) and though technically I could have gone once she was settled for the night I wasn't comfortable in doing so and i would have worried , shes been sick and had an accident so its just aswell I didn't. Given myself a little talking too and as frustrating as the lack of help can be as long as I'm doing my best for my mum I have to not worry about what everyone else is doing even if it angers me that they aren't doing more.
Spent £10 in primark nail file , bath scrub , earrings and a charging cable today and £60 filling the car up but i'm hoping that will last the month.
Dropped NM a train station to go in to town for the event we were invited too this evening , hes still there and just called to say he is going on to a party with a mutual friend of ours , this is fine but his house keys are on my coffee table and i'll be buggered if I'm waiting up all blooming night , I could do with being asleep now but i also have to wake up for my daughter to get back and i'll have to be up early for mums morphine so i'm not really winning tonight.
His quick chat with the ex took much longer then he suggested it would and it appears was mostly about her lack of bookings at events since they split up , so basically she wants a foot back on the ladder from him to social climb and despite stirring trouble and dumping his stuff at the kerbside she now wants to be amicable. he knows how i feel about the situation but i haven't discussed how its affected my confidence in his word , I will but we haven't had any private time to talk about it and its not a conversation to have in company.

WinterWarrior

So sorry about your mum, it must be so hard.
also NMs ex...the cheek! It maybe doesn’t cost too much to be kind, but it’s a worry she wants a foothold into his life, even if it’s just for financial gain 😖