taking responsibilty to get me where I want to be

lucielle

So sorry your family aren't being very helpful.  I second paying off the debts.
L

efes_shareholder

todays a better day
still unimpressed by sister but I have to converse with her for mums sake. I'm just only conversing with her when prompted and not sitting having any chats. I will broach this with her and let her know I don't expect to have THAT sort of reaction etc and remind her of a few things.
Waiting on a statement from the solicitor of what I will be recieving , I have a ball park figure of the region I'm expecting. I will clear my plate of the debts and then max my prem bonds account to the limit in hope of a few wins.
After that I'm not sure where I will put it as I don't know how long it will be before I may need to access it. Its almost bitter sweet that its happening now but I guess on the positive it does allow me options which I may not have had otherwise

vampirotoothus

Hi premium bonds allow you the money back in 3 days (or less). All done on line and very simple.
With regards to your mum / sister I think it is time that you agree a rota. What days do you want off? Then your sister does the same and your mum pays for the time neither of you are there (this cost is not down to you  and if your mum cannot fund it, you need agreement from sis that it will re repaid to you at a later date, as I guess you'll end up paying)). Are you claiming carers allowance (I'm no expert but believe this could be available). This could also be used to give you some time off. Please don't put this off, you have no idea how long this will be for and you are struggling with all the expectations you (and others) have of yourself. This is not just your problem to resolve.
Sending best wishes as always.

efes_shareholder

vampirotoothus said:

Hi premium bonds allow you the money back in 3 days (or less). All done on line and very simple.
With regards to your mum / sister I think it is time that you agree a rota. What days do you want off? Then your sister does the same and your mum pays for the time neither of you are there (this cost is not down to you  and if your mum cannot fund it, you need agreement from sis that it will re repaid to you at a later date, as I guess you'll end up paying)). Are you claiming carers allowance (I'm no expert but believe this could be available). This could also be used to give you some time off. Please don't put this off, you have no idea how long this will be for and you are struggling with all the expectations you (and others) have of yourself. This is not just your problem to resolve.
Sending best wishes as always.

 A rota would be great but unfortunately as my sister works in the care sector she only recieves her rota at work for the next week on the Thursday beforehand , it makes it very difficult to plan. Generally our agreement is that I get sunday and monday nights as NM as a rule is off on those days , she also works every other saturday. What upset me this week is that regardless of not asking for any help on her saturday off I had to wait until after 4 on the sunday for my weekend to begin. The weekends are the only time I get to do anything of any substance and I can't make plans based on the day starting then , she can move around freely during the week and pop in when it suits her as she knows I am here working ( I think all channels family and health officials forget I actually have to work too!) , once I finish work , its getting dinner ready for mum , the carer comes in and then I have to be around 8pm to give the pain relief - It doesn't give me any oppurtunity to do anything really by the time dinner and the housework is done  all I can pretty much do is  go to the supermarket or as I did the other week meet a friend in the local pub. We can have two more care visits a day funded but to be honest , it will just add more disruption to my day and its easier just to take care of mums needs myself as there is no set time she will want something to eat or cup of tea etc but it would actually be helpful over the weekends maybe. I lose a lot of my working day dealing with the hospice calls etc and usually have to catch up or get ahead of myself with work once mum goes to bed. I'm not complaining about what I have to do , I'm peeved that I'm the only one making any sacrafice at all and the one expected too and no one volunteered to step up ( other then my daughter but shes done it before and again i dont think it should be her all the time ) so I could have a day of rest.
Regards to the house as soon as the money which I now have a statement for so I know the amount hits my account I am going to max my bonds account out , hopefully pick up some bonuses in the coming months. I've contacted a friend who is a financial advisor and will take advisor on the best place to put the remainder. I'm going to get a settlement figure on the car loan and get that gone whilst I ponder the card.
Spoke to my mum about keeping the house , she is all for it as long as obviously I buy my sisters stake , also discussed paying the equity loan but I'm not going to do it yet , by doing so it would take us above the inheritance tax threshold and also as mums will states 50/50 between my sister and I it would upset that balance and mean a rewrite to her will , its better to stay as it is for now. Mum also let me know that although the will is a 50/50 split I am the sole execuator  which is fine but maybe also demonstrates the confidence my mum also has in my sister.
Tomorrow there will be more money in my bank account then I am ever likely to see again in my lifetime

efes_shareholder

vampirotoothus said:

Hi premium bonds allow you the money back in 3 days (or less). All done on line and very simple.
With regards to your mum / sister I think it is time that you agree a rota. What days do you want off? Then your sister does the same and your mum pays for the time neither of you are there (this cost is not down to you  and if your mum cannot fund it, you need agreement from sis that it will re repaid to you at a later date, as I guess you'll end up paying)). Are you claiming carers allowance (I'm no expert but believe this could be available). This could also be used to give you some time off. Please don't put this off, you have no idea how long this will be for and you are struggling with all the expectations you (and others) have of yourself. This is not just your problem to resolve.
Sending best wishes as always.

Also carers allowance , I have looked in to and you can only claim it if you earn under a certain amount of money a week through your job , Typically I'm above the threshold 

efes_shareholder

phoned my loan company this morning and by paying off early I save a mere £10.00
it doesn't feel like much of an incentive to be honest but I guess a tenner is a tenner - I am thinking do this and put the £215 I would use for the repayments to the tesco card which would mean 4 more payments until that is clear 

efes_shareholder

In other news , I finally have an appt for the camera investigations in to my stomach complaints ...............I am feeling very cowardly 

efes_shareholder

So the house is gone.
It felt a bit sad , my youngest daughter was a bit emotional over it so she popped in to me before setting off on the journey to her new home for a mum hug. 26 years of memories and lots of people reminding me off all the good times in that house , yes there were some bad ones. Life evolves and new memories to be made . Solicitor has sent money to my account but I think its BACS so it will take a day or so to present itself so I can stroke the screen. 
Still undecided as to what to do with the debt however its saving very little to clear it so for the time being I can just sit on it until such time I decide. 
Mum had a reasonable night last night so I thought I would stay at NM's and come back early this morning , hes on a different shift pattern at work and I had mentioned that I would come over if I was happy things were ok here , messaged him to say I was coming only to arrive and him tell me he had forgotten and he had agreed to go in to work in the middle of the night as they were trying to catch some fly tippers so I just had a bath and came home. Bit put out to be honest that he hadn't remembered or read his messages but by doing the shift hes now off until Tuesday , He suggested he makes it up to me by taking me out on Friday night - a further reminder that I quite possibly won't be able to be treat. It feels like I am acting like a spoilt child in the circumstances and I really need to pull myself together and realise that this isn't forever , its just for now and that I'm being quite selfish - i haven't quite processed this feeling enough to decide if there is any substance to it. 
I was upset by NM's oversight last night  , it just seems like another little example of lack of thought ,its not intentional and to be honest its unusual for him but every little demonstration from anywhere in my life right now and it magnifies. The smallest molehill becomes the biggest mountain. Emotionally and mentally I feel very delicate and just want to tell everyone to F*** off when I probably need people the most. 
Anyway in money matters , i have 15 days until payday and my balance of wages equates to £20 a day , I'm hopefully meeting my best friend for an hour or so at the local just round the corner and I have £20 in my purse which will take care of that. 

efes_shareholder

so in the words of my daughter I now have a "phat" bank account.
Transferred every penny in to my esavers section of my NW account , attempted to purchase 43400 worth of bonds but the bank locked the transaction ( never spent that amount before ) which I guess is reassurring but now N and Si thinks I've applied for this so I can't buy the bonds until it cancels through the system.
Feels a bit surreal , my eyes nearly popped out my head when I logged on to see the balance. I doubt I'll ever be sitting on that much accessible cash again.
I have made two purchases today , from my current account I may add £19.15 from Holland and Barrett for the remedies that help my stomach as my supplies will be used by next week and £20 to send a card and some flowers to my daughter to welcome her to her new house.
requested a repeat perscription of other stuff to make use of the 3 month perscription I purchased. 

efes_shareholder

So I will attempt again to purchase prem bonds but I need to contact my bank and advise them of my intention to make the transaction.
Need to possibly open other bank accounts , have had a look on quidco to see if I cash in on any incentives but it seems they are only out there for switching and not new accounts.
looking at interest rates they are rubbish across the board. 
with the lack of gain by paying the debts early I have decided I will continue with the plan to try and get rid of them via my salary and leave my house money in tact , I am on track to clear everything by Dec 21 but am able to clear at any time.
Went to the local with my BF for a couple of hours last night , it was good to get out and just chat normal stuff. Its something I need to try and do more off , meant to go this evening with my sis and a mutual friend but I won't be as I don't want to be around her.