taking responsibilty to get me where I want to be

lucielle

Hope you manage to get some answers off the medics.
L

DancingInTheRain

Hope you get some answers today and that you have a better day x

efes_shareholder

vampirotoothus said:

I read but don't post much. I just want to send you positive vibes at this difficult time x

Thank you , I'll gladly accept them , thanks for taking time to post 

efes_shareholder

lucielle said:

Hope you manage to get some answers off the medics.
L

DancingInTheRain said:

Hope you get some answers today and that you have a better day x

Thank you both 
Today is a slight improvement , spoke to the hospice team and they don't think there is a blockage , sorry for  being too graphic your stomach would grumble alot and your bottom wouldn't be able too which is good to know for future reference.  
They think there is most likely a stool back up ( I did apologise for being graphic) hence only loose passings and mums stomach not being to cope with dinner. So we are to restart laxatives and increase the sickness medication but generally she seems better in herself today. she had her 2nd covid jab at the start of the week so I don't know if that needs to be factored in too. 
I've been awake since before 6 so I've been working away on office stuff incase today was another bad one , im ready for a nap now , it feels like a long day.............money wise no spend but I do need a summer jacket and have been checking some out on the house of fraser sale , some real bargain barbours to be had but sadly not the style I like. mum is insisting she treats me and my sister now she has had a back payment of her DLA which we were very against initially but she won't let up so we have agreed to take a token treat which i was going to use against one of these jackets which I have had my eye on for a while ..............it will go towards it but I haven't yet bought myself to pull the trigger. Its close though !! I have found one i like on ebay which is an RL and the seller has offered me a small discount but I'm trying to get the price down a bit  even though its well under the RRP and much less then elsewhere ........................will today remain a NSD ??

efes_shareholder

well , not a great weekend - basically despite not calling on anyone else I had to wait until 5pm on sunday in order to be able to escape.
I did get out to get my hair done on sat , which my sis sat for a short time and it was at this time I learnt that I couldnt go anywhere until 5 and that both her daughters also had plans............basically despite pretty much being at home 24/7 since Tues morning aside from supply stops no one was prepared to change their plans so I could have some kind of weekend. sister didnt work over weekend either , just she had things she wanted to do. Her daughters haven't visited in weeks and things got a little charged between us when I said it must be lovely to be able to make plans as I was the only one who couldnt and that they all got to choose how they spent their weekends and I had to wait for the drippings off their bums and that it wouldnt hurt for her grown up children to actually visit - she told me to F*** off and got in her car. We are barely talking , I have had no apology , she just expects to continue as if she had never said it. I won't forget it , maybe when I am on  the brink of a nervous breakdown they will realise but until then i just have to accept that you can't pick your family and that I am surrounded by selfish people other then my own children ( who as of weds none will be local) 
Apparantly I forget that she has a family !! Well maybe she should remember that I only reason I still live here is because OUR mum has cancer. 
The tension is no good for mum I get that , but i'm sorry I can't just forget it
She can forget any future help in any aspect of her messed up life from me in future and I have confirmed to myself that if we werent sisters we certainly wouldnt be friends. In a previous time we didnt speak for 2 years and i have no issue never talking to her again.
Its not about who does what and who does the most , it is about having some appreication for the sacrafices others are making and considering that you also may have to make some yourself. She told me not to bring the kids in to it , however she has volunteered them to look after a terminally ill person and also that I shouldn't expect everyone to drop their plans for me ..........................well everyone else expects me not to make any !!! 
Anyway rant over.
Today I have to go to the solictors to sign the transfer of the house deed which completes on wednesday , its exciting but frustrating 
Very very tempted to just pay everything off and be able to say that I am debt free in my life for the first time in about 25 years

enthusiasticsaver

Sorry your sister is being so unsupportive.  Families can be difficult and she seems  to think that you will pick up the slack just because you live with your mum.  Unfortunately this is common that the one living with or close to the ill family member tend to shoulder most of the burden.  Good that the house sale is imminent.  I would be tempted to clear the debt.  Is it interest free? 

efes_shareholder

enthusiasticsaver said:

Sorry your sister is being so unsupportive.  Families can be difficult and she seems  to think that you will pick up the slack just because you live with your mum.  Unfortunately this is common that the one living with or close to the ill family member tend to shoulder most of the burden.  Good that the house sale is imminent.  I would be tempted to clear the debt.  Is it interest free? 

i expect to do the majority , but I don't expect to have to wait until 5pm on a sunday to start my weekend just because they have things they would rather be doing , she wasn't at work this weekend and her house is 5 minutes away - I even less expect to be told to F off when I try and potray this point.
I don't want to be around her.
My c/card is interest free , there is £2400 left to clear , my car loan was front loaded with the interest and I have 6 more payments of £215. I believe there is a small saving to be made if I pay it off early.
Recently I've been paying £300 a month to the credit card , I am thinking if I clear down everything as it will have to be clear prior to getting a mortgage then mentally it may do me well to save , save , save instead of pay pay pay knowing every penny is going toward my future property 

vampirotoothus

I really feel for you and understand how wearing it all is. Even if your mum doesn't actually need you, you are on red alert the whole time you are in the house. I hope the rest of the family soon realise how unfair they are being.
I would pay off the debt (don't forget to change the DDs) and just sling the rest into premium bonds. It is then all dealt with and with some luck will be working for you whilst you get your mum sorted. Sending continued best wishes V

DancingInTheRain

Sorry to hear your sister is being so inconsiderate, the mental & physical loads you've had to take on when she's nearby is just ridiculously unfair. As you say, you can't choose your family...

I'd also pay off the debts with the house money, it might help your mindset a bit to not even have to consider debt moving forward & may give you a sense of being in control financially when so many other things are beyond your control at the moment.

Make sure you plan a (small 😉) treat for being debt free if you go for it, goodness knows you deserve it x

efes_shareholder

thank you both 
Been to solicitors today , given my bank details etc so just waiting for a statement of payment now to know whats coming my way , i have a rough idea , just nice to see the total figure.
I think I will firstly pay the car loan off as any saving is a saving and then rejiggle things and get the tesco paid too ................as you say not having to be in  a debt mindset will be welcome. 
I'm cautious about allowing myself a small treat , I don't want to get too carried away but maybe a pair of trainers or the jacket I have my eye on.
As for the selfish sibling , she has been the same since she was a child and is self , self , self - no surprise her children are the same. We were due to try and see a mutual friend friday evening and I won't be going. I don't want to be in her company.
My daughter bought a bag of undies here from her work , she works for a lingerie company and gets me so many pairs , I asked my mum if she wanted any althought they are really not her thing and she suggested I gave some to my sister ,so I just said " no that wont be happening I'll keep them"
She turns up here all bubbly and happy and full of beans , she can as she gets to escape this however I'm walking round with a face like a wet weekend just wanting to tell the world where to go as I can't leave unless someone else lets me !!!!!! 
I have a very long memory and will not forget , she will get treat excatly how she treats me , I think she forgets that whilst I am here I also have a job to do for my employers 
Macmillan called for a check in call with mum so I had to stop and take that and now its 17.18 and I should have turned the computer off but I can't as I have a backlog !!