taking responsibilty to get me where I want to be

efes_shareholder

couldn't make this up ...........sister called today and apparantly school were wrong and my nephew hadn't been in contact with the contaminated child ...............surely my nephew would have known this himself!!!! 

Just adds fuel to the flames that it was a fabrication due to their lack of organisation but hey ho, no point calling them out on it as you will die with the lie I find.

still trying to spend the money to make a private appt , have spoke to my GP and have decided to self fund the CT scan as its much cheaper then the procedures which I now 6 weeks in to the wait for - its £750 as opposed to £2600 and much more suitable if this is a gyno issue. Also if there were areas of concern then it would escalate the other procedure which the GP has said he will write to the consultant to ask him to escalate.

Trying to book the blooming thing is another matter though , no different from the NHS , one had doesn't know what the other one is doing !!!!!!

efes_shareholder

so the scan is booked for sunday and my pockets are £750 lighter. Basically this is money that i have accumulated since Xmas probably because of lockdown and not being able to go anywhere so although it could have gone toward the debt , it hasn't added to it.
Some will say its the sensible thing to do , others will think its ridiculous and then some will think that its really unfair to be able to pay to jump the queue when not everybody has that option. Ethically its not correct but its a procedure I haven't been offered on the NHS and one that I would have to join the queue for should the NHS tests not show a reason. 
There may not be a reason and a big part of me really hopes there isn't but with constant pain I need to know there isn't one !!! 

I wish all the covid rule breakers who discount the virus and think its a hoax or has some under lying sinister reason for its appearance would realise that just because A & E and the wards are no longer full of covid patients doesn't mean that other areas of the NHS havent been impacted massively in all areas 

Anyway regardless of the politics , its booked and I will now try my best to have a relatively unspendy 16 days until payday

The £750 is gone , I have £360 left for the remainder of April and no more payments due out , Other then a potential trip for lunch in our local pub for mums birthday next week and my neices birthday I have nothing that HAS to be paid for. We are all well aware that this is very likely mums final birthday and although we would have liked to be able to do more , we will do what we can. We have booked 2 tables in our local pub marque  , it does great food and is only 5 minutes walk , a friend of ours is going to decorate with balloons and we will just try and make it as "nice" as possible and really hope on the day she feels up to it. 
So i digress , I have £360 left from this months wage to get me through the next two weeks or so - more then acheivable.
I also have £665 accumulated from unspent wages so haven't depleted my surplus pot completely which I plan to use to pay my car insurance in one hit come June when its up for renewal , expecting that to be around £450
There is 6600 in prem bonds which is my house and ultra emergency fund I will hold tight on , the house completion is being held up on everyone being able to book removal companies on the same day.............getting frustrated now 

The debts as they stand are just the two 

£2700 on tesco credit card 0% until september
£1720 on ratesetter card loan due to finish Dec 21

Plan to keep plugging away at these and see how life pans out in terms of me being able to purchase whatever it may be at some point 

efes_shareholder

Today will  be a spendy day.
I've already been to the chemist this morning , realised I am now on first name terms with the staff as I such a frequent visitor. 
Need to do a holland and barrett order for my own needs , digestive enzymes and some pro biotics and since I am stuck at home so much I may add a vitamin D supplement. Theres a 13.8% cashback on quidco and a 20% discount if you spend over £25 so I'll make it as cheap as possible this way.
NM is very much a natural advocate for natural remedies and medicine so have asked if he has anything to add to the order..
I did buy some manuka honey recently , just a small pot as I've read its good for digestion and inflammation , Jury is out as to whether the benefits out weigh the costs at this stage £13.00 for a small tub which I have in my camomile tea , I've put it up in the top cupboard and left the standard honey out as the whole family seem to be converting to honey in their tea and coffee rather then sugar and they can use the bog standard supermarket stuff !! 

I'm taking my sister to view a car in her lunch break and need to get mine cleaned desperately , its really fallen behind with the lockdown regulations and needs a good hoovering out and clean inside , it may have to wait as I need to give it a bit of a clean out anyway and I doubt I will have time in todays lunchbreak 

Kitten868

Bombshell after bombshell. Great news you've booked in your scan booked in. And I'm glad you've managed to meet yourself in the middle and finance the cheaper medical procedure that you feel will steer you the right way. I seem to have an issue with spending money too - whenever I try to it doesn't work or back fires so I know how frustrating it is. I hope this gives you the right answers.
Debt looks good and money management looks good too. I'm very happy your mum is having a more manageable time of it too. I hope it continues. 
Have you got any holiday you could book? Maybe you could book a Friday or Monday off and get your family to cover you for 3 days so you can have a break. Give yourself a chance to restore your battery. 

I know you're doing what you can about the house and it's the right thing to do as you don't want to lose money. Xxxxx

efes_shareholder

Kitten868 said:

Bombshell after bombshell. Great news you've booked in your scan booked in. And I'm glad you've managed to meet yourself in the middle and finance the cheaper medical procedure that you feel will steer you the right way. I seem to have an issue with spending money too - whenever I try to it doesn't work or back fires so I know how frustrating it is. I hope this gives you the right answers.
Debt looks good and money management looks good too. I'm very happy your mum is having a more manageable time of it too. I hope it continues. 
Have you got any holiday you could book? Maybe you could book a Friday or Monday off and get your family to cover you for 3 days so you can have a break. Give yourself a chance to restore your battery. 

I know you're doing what you can about the house and it's the right thing to do as you don't want to lose money. Xxxxx

I've got a week booked off in June which was intended for a holiday that easyjet have now cancelled the flight for , it may probably do me a favour as with the circumstances it was probably unlikely that I would be able to go however who knows where we will be come late June and perhaps I'll be able to go somewhere else which can be decided later the time.
Mum was stating that I could go as long as my sister was about and the carers were coming in ( we can have these up to 4 times a day but currently only have 2 as to be honest we only are really need the morning one with me here) I'm doubtful of that and she didn't give me any reassurances when she decided to get up in the dark last night for a snack in the dark and didnt take her walking frame with her , she didn't fall but I have reminded her how important it is to take with her particularly in the night.
My work won't let us cancel any already booked holiday with the covid situation as they don't want an influx of requests when the world re opens  so it looks like I'm stuck with having to take that week off , hopefully I'll be able to get away somewhere even if its just a night or two in this country.
bought a birthday present for a friend yesterday , i'd forgotten her birthday until she invited me to our local for lunch , she always remembers mine and as my mum has a heart scan which my sister and uncle are taking her too I'll be able to pop round there or an hour in my lunch as its 5 minutes walk from home. 
It will probably do me good to see a few different faces for that short time.
£23.75 spend for my herbal remedies from holland and barrett yesterday , 
i need also to arrange to have my outgrown gel nails removed but am having trouble getting fitted in , they look terrible so for now I just want them off. 

efes_shareholder

So today was naughty and I bought myself another pair of trainers - I don't need them , I have around 9 pairs but I live in them and I like to co ordinate with my outfits , I also always buy the same brand unless something really jumps out at me.
i bought a summary pair with of white jade green and cerise pink and yellow design which I wore for the first time last week and got a few compliments and then I realised that I have all these funky colours but I don't have a pair to wear with my primary colours loungewear , well I do now ! very similar to the ones that got the compliments but primary colours instead .............I have promised myself no more although I may not stick to that as I do fancy a pair of adidas pharrel williams stan smiths , not my usual brand but look exceptionally comfortable and if I do buy they will come from china !!! 
To be fair , the trainers were reduced from £80 to £45 and I havent treat myself for ages and my daughters who also love the brand also bought a pair each so we didnt have to pay shipping.................I think i have every wardrobe eventuality covered.
Feeling a bit naughty but I know they will put a smile on my face and I think right now since my pain has been off the hook today I deserve that
Also got the car cleaned in and out for the first time since lockdown and bought a bottle of red so all in all quite a spendy day 

Feel like life is on hold at the moment , I can't make any plans as I don't know what route this journey is taking , Certainly my life has not felt in as much limbo as it does right now.
I've moaned and vented about mums habits in the past , and from her bed she still I say smiling managing to be as untidy as ever but I really hate seeing what this disease is doing to her and feel helpless in the situation other than trying to make her comfortable , provide companionship and make sure she eats and drinks as well as possible. I hate that at some point there will be an even bigger impact on her health and I hate the power cancer has to change everything in a heartbeat 

efes_shareholder

I also forgot to mention the DWP called yesterday and mum has been awarded the full PIP entitlement back to the date I applied but not including her time in hospital of £89 a week , thats a nice little addition for her since she has needed new clothes and bedding , it will help massively with her overdraft but she is saying she will give it to my sister and I - we have refused this , well I did and my sister followed as I certainly don't expect to be paid to look after her.

Although we have carers , that because mum is not getting treatment are funded by social services I have touched on carers allowance ( not that i want it but you pay enough in to the system) but neither my sister or I are eligible as you have to earn under £125 a week

efes_shareholder

Today has been a fairly relaxing day with some time for myself.
Was glad to not have to work  and caught up with a few odd jobs around the house including organising mums downstairs wardrobe in to storage containers under her bed.
Mum was fairly well today so told my sister not to worry coming in after work , to be told she wasn't planning on it anyway!!
Popped out for a few hours with my younger daughter to look at potential new cars for her , when she finally moves she will have a much longer commute and her car is a little aygo which does concern me on the motorways , shes very much a car lover so I've been encouraging her to maybe now look at a "big girl" car as her commute to work will be around 40 minutes each way and it won't seem such a chore. We test drove a 3 year old fiesta which was lovely but about 2.5k more then she wants to spend but as we were at a main dealers they would have laughed at us if I had told them what we wanted to spend !!! 
she needs to think about how much she is happy to pay each month and then we can find something to suit her budget.
As the showroom wasn't far from NM's I dropped a couple of bits off there and stopped by for a quick shower , He had gone out to meet friends of ours one of whom was having a late birthday celebration at a bar in london before going on to work. I was invited but in the circumstances I couldn't attend as it was in london and by the time I got there I would have to come home. He wasn't going to go without me but I actively encouraged him because he really is a people person and has struggled a lot with the restrictions of lockdown , I got a video call and a wave from our friends which was lovely so I hope he enjoyed the little reconnection with friends.
I've not spent anything today , I need to go to the supermarket but was dropping off to sleep at 6 ish and as mum is already in bed I don't think I will be far behind. 
I have my scan mid morning tomorrow so my plan is to get up and get my bed changed etc as my sister will be staying tomorrow night , sort mum out , pop out for the scan , pop to the supermarket , come home for to pick up the laptop and then go over to NM's until Monday morning. I could do without coming back as NM  is literally 10 minutes from the hospital but its earlier then when my sister would usually come round and she preps her family dinner etc before she comes - by the time she comes she would have had 48 hours away , which although I appreicate our circumstances are different I can't imangine ever being able to do !! 

Kitten868

She just doesn't see it from your perspective. And 'you're there anyway'. She has no idea at all. 
Glad you've got to do your errands. Especially with your daughter. Seems mad for that to be a luxury but here we are. 

Well done on the PIP award. Hope its made a big difference to her finances. I also hope she's opening up a bit more so you can help her with it. I'm sure she isn’t but we can hope - she agreed to go on the hospice list! 

Will your daughter be moving in with you once the move has gone through? Xxxx

efes_shareholder

you are right kitten , she doesn't seem to grasp that although this has impacted her it hasn't affected her day to day life in quite the same way.
My first priority is off course making sure mum is safe and comfortable but this has had a massive impact on my freedom
Things i can do have to be planned around other people coming in to help such as her , the carer visits to break up the time i'm out and mums morphine administration which we take care off as the carer times do not fit around it.

she called me at around 7pm last night to tell me the now ex had sent her a letter and got her back up , she was sitting in a park drinking wine whilst I was cooking mum some dinner ...................i think she must have been up drinking most of the night since she was posting stuff on social media directed at him up to around 3am this morning ...................I get shes upset and quite possibly heartbroken after 4 years with a man she thought was different , I've been there I know how it feels but drinking your woes away until the small hours is really not the solution.

To add , I'm here making sure our mum is safe so not a drop passes my lips as I need to be on my game and to a certain extent so does she should there be a quick detoriation 

anyway I'm now off for my scan , and then over to new mans to have a whole 24 hours to myself !! We are planning to visit his friend who has recently had an operation , the weather is nice so we can sit in the garden and then i think I'll cook a nice steak up this evening