taking responsibilty to get me where I want to be

efes_shareholder

Kitten868 said:

It never stops for you does it. I'm sorry you're struggling so much with your own health through this. I would think about the private route for the shorter wait but also so you can arrange for better pain relief while you have it done. I had severe endo but was refused pain relief when I had the camera up. They couldn't look very far as I was in agony. Then if you need a laproscopy you can go NHS but you'll be on the list sooner. Have you found any pain killers work? My favourite was always diclofenac and water bottles. Now I settle for cocodamol. It takes the edge of the pain off enough to function. 
Hope your mum gets a space soon and some respite from the pain. 

With the money most savings accounts can accommodate that much money but I can't see you getting much interest wherever it goes. Have you had the information about the equity release repayment yet? Might save the most money clearing that first? 

I wish I was more helpful to you. You are managing this like a pro. I certainly think it would be reasonable for your job to continue at home. I can't see how they could insist you go in xxxxx

I've contacted my GP for a referral to a Gyno as this could be linked to my endo and does seem to be worse at that "time"
Hopefully will get a private procedure booked today , i'm just going to have to suck it up , even to get sinister things discounted would give me some peace of mind right now.
The GI assured me I would be fully sedated.
i have 15mg of cocodemal but it doesn't really touch the sides , some days I don't need to take it but when it flares it barely touches the sides.

I did ask for a settlement balance for the equity but nothing has come through as yet , They usually send an annual statement in April so this is due to come soon anyway. It seems wise to get this cleared just because it allows choice but also have to have a conversation re inheritance etc as 
the house is 50/50 to my sister and I and I don't want to pay it if its going to get "lost" so may need to take some advice on that.
Its just not an easy subject to broach , my daughter visited the other day and was talking about the move and my mum again asked if I would be moving out , I was quite straight and said I couldn't as there would be no one to look after her which she agreed with but thats the reality of it really.
I haven't decided if I want to retain my mums house , technically if I looked for a property at the same level as I was intending before mums diagnosis I would be mortgage free if mums house were sold and that is also an attractive option ..............lots of things to mull over by the looks of things.

Fingers crossed the sale completes smoothly 

Its a shame the interest rates are so appalling right now , i'll put the max in to bonds that I can and then maybe have a look at over accounts which offer incentives to open etc as I'm not going to get rich on the interest

efes_shareholder

Just had an email from the private clinic to say that current NHS wait is 3 months which would mean June for me and 10-14 days if I pay privately

Kitten868

You're totally right as I don't know if your mum could even amend her will as she is. And the will has to be enforced as is. 

Would you want to stay in that house if you fixed it up? Is it a good area? Also any improvements done would be paid by you too so that would have to come out of her money too. 

Well done on getting the gynae referral through. Endo can be so awful and exhibit weird depending where it is. Xxxx

efes_shareholder

Kitten868 said:

You're totally right as I don't know if your mum could even amend her will as she is. And the will has to be enforced as is. 

Would you want to stay in that house if you fixed it up? Is it a good area? Also any improvements done would be paid by you too so that would have to come out of her money too. 

Well done on getting the gynae referral through. Endo can be so awful and exhibit weird depending where it is. Xxxx

I think its safer to deal with the house and the equity payment once the inevitable has occurred , My sister and I have a couple of mutual friends who are financial advisors so I am hoping they will talk us through the probate etc.

The house is in a quiet cul de sac with nice neighbours , few good schools close by and generally considered a good area , we have certainly had the house for 45 years with very few problems with neighbours or anti social behaviour. There is provision to create off street parking but it really does need some TLC and money spent on it - not to mention the full to bursting loft and garage that would have to be cleared.
We'd need to do some work prior to marketing the house if we decided to sell and it would only be me who is in a position to finance those so again that would all need to be discussed as I would expect my outlay back.
I am leaning toward keeping the house and doing it up and if I couldn't make it feel like my own then I can always sell further down the line.

Kitten868

I think that's the best plan. Staying put. 

Hope your mums day is going better today.

And 3 month wait! I would go private if I were you xxxx

efes_shareholder

Kitten868 said:

I think that's the best plan. Staying put. 

Hope your mums day is going better today.

And 3 month wait! I would go private if I were you xxxx

I'm going to go private , have queried whether I should be having a CT scan as opposed to a OGD due to the endo but this now means the doc secretary wants to check with him and he is not in clinic until tomorrow evening so may not get booked in until monday
This isn't the end of the world as it puts me a new credit card date , I am going to use the card I use for monthly spends and if I do this then the payment won't be due until early June so I can get together what I can from the excess cash I have in my account and try and leave the EF as it is.
Looking at my projected April spends I should have around £1400 available , I then will have April and May salary to try and claw in a bit more although i'm not unhappy to just use the 1400 and take the 1200 from the EF
Everyone within my circle is telling me to wait it out on the NHS and to save the money but I can't wait another 3 months , just glad really that I do have the money to pay for it as many in my situation wont have

Mums not started the day well , usually its either sickness or loose bowels , today we have both after a couple of relatively good days

efes_shareholder

my consultant is suggesting a CT scan of my abdomen and pelvis rather then the colonospy re my endimistrosis concern , i'm just waiting for the costs and then i'll book - how difficult is it to spen so much money !!!!

Not much has changed at home , mums symptons are much more managable so i think we are way down the list for a hospice stay but it won't be pushed if she is relatively comfortable and happy at home for now. 

Stayed at NM's yesterday , only spends were a bag of groceries I took over to cook us dinner for tonight and last night and some stuff to keep him going during the week , he offered to reimburse me but I'm not fussed , I eat there too and he keeps me in red wine !! cooked chicken in honey and harrisa last night with parminter potatoes and roasted med veg. Having Salmon in soy and lime with aspargus and med veg tonight and have cooked him a spicy chilli bake and a sausage casserole to keep him going during the week - I dont cook much at home and I enjoy doing it , I know he appreicates it and often shows his dinner off on social media !!
We had a garden visit at his best friends yesterday , it was nice to just escape normality 
I need to top the car up today so thats a spend , I may just go for half a tank as its possible that will last me a month as not really going far right now.

enthusiasticsaver

Good that your mums symptoms are manageable for now and sorry your own health issues are such a problem. At least you have the money to go private and whichever course you take depends on how painful/inconvenient your symptoms are. I would urge you to exercise restraint on paying off the equity release loan for now until you are 100% certain what your plans are. 

efes_shareholder

enthusiasticsaver said:

Good that your mums symptoms are manageable for now and sorry your own health issues are such a problem. At least you have the money to go private and whichever course you take depends on how painful/inconvenient your symptoms are. I would urge you to exercise restraint on paying off the equity release loan for now until you are 100% certain what your plans are. 

yes i'm not going to jump in and will be getting some advice on best way to proceed etc , the temptation is to get it paid and start to get this house to a more pleasant habitat but I'm pretty sure that could bite me on the bum.

I'm expecting confirmation at some point today of the sale completion date , this bit seems to be taking forever to sort out

efes_shareholder

RANT

so last night I popped to tesco to pick up a lightbulb for the downstairs toilet an fill my car up whilst the carer is here , then my sister called.
In a panic and having what can only be described as a minor meltdown because my nephew has been sent home from the 1st day back at school as one of his classmates has tested positive for covid............my nephew has tested negative ( he had covid at the end of November) therefore she can't come round and put my mum at risk. 
She doesn't know when she will be next be round and to be honest it seems more like an excuse of convenience rather then a valid one , my nephew and her have both had the virus , my sister has had both jabs , mum is two weeks away from her 2nd , my nephew has been with said child for one morning at school and has tested negative .............her daughters are telling her she can't come round which seems to suit them perfectly as it is them that have to look after my nephew on the odd occassion my sister stays and all of a sudden they are covid paranoid where one was a mass gathering with her mates on saturday night and back in the gym yesterday and the other has been staying at hotels all around the country with her bf and even providing false work documents when asked..............seems very much they are covid compliant when it suits them.

I'm just resigning myself to the fact that I will be doing this journey with only me to rely on , with the world opening up these scenerios are going to occur regularly particularly with the schools - They actually want to hope I don't get covid because should that happen then they really are up ***t street without a paddle.
Macmillan have scrubbed the sympton stay now mums are more under control and when mum asked about stays to provide respite , we were told that this wasn't possible so its seems i'll be left to balance working , looking after mum , keeping the house in check and the fridge full and trying to get some rest when my own symptoms flare up , I may have the money to go private but how can I ever be sure I will have the window of oppurtunity to get out of the house long enough to have them done.

mum insisted I still went to NM's last night ,my daughter did offer to come and stay but mum insisted she wanted to see if she would be ok overnight by herself.  I left as she settled down to sleep and was back at 6.30am this morning , i hadn't told him what had happened earlier with my sister and he said if I had he would have insisted I stay with my mum , to be fair part of me wished I had. I only went as I had prepped a nice dinner to cook us but when I got there he hadn't done the previous nights washing up or changed the bed as he said he would as he had spent the day pre occupied trying to transfer everything on to his new  phone and thats kind of how the evening continued , felt a bit over looked considering we don't get much time together right now and am now tired and emotional as it was a late night once he had agreed to put the phone down and an early start for me to get home to sort mum out so yes in hindsight I'm thinking I should have just stayed home. I did manage to grab a nice soak in the tub as I have a period from hell so that was really the only benefit. I will tell him how I felt last night but I won't do it whilst I'm tired and over emotional , I think I gave him a clue when I looked at the washing up and told him point blank that under no circumstances would I be doing it. He is entitled to a lazy day but I don't get those or a lay in at the moment so it will give him something to do if he puts his phone down long enough !!!!

in spends , spend £35 on some day clothes for mum for her birthday next week , where she is now 5 sizes smaller she doesn't have much to wear other then pj's so I thought she may appreicate being able to get dressed if she wanted too. I'll also get her some flowers. 

I'm absolutely feeling like the statue today and not the pidgeon , hoping a good nights sleep will sort me out.