Crazy Cat Lady Chapter 3 - A New Beginning

crazy_cat_lady

Well, that didn't go well either. What a rubbish time I'm having of things at the moment.
I know I've mentioned on here before that me and my sister fell out on Christmas Day a few years ago. Basically, my 6 year old ds (at the time) and her 3 year old dd were found naked together upstairs - my ds was accused of being some sort of sexual predator and we didn't speak for a very long time. It's only really been the past year or so that we've gotten back on track and it's been brilliant. Anyway, that seems to have reared its head again, and I am SO uncomfortable with this situation. I don't think that the behaviour is inappropriate for the age of the kids (showing each other their bits), but I'm devastated that it's happened again - especially after what we discussed after the last time. My sister has been really good about it, saying that she doesn't want to fall out again but she's concerned about ds manipulative behaviour. We've both agreed that it's for the best that the kids don't see each other any more. I have rang the NSPCC for further advice but I am hurt by the situation and very upset... Whether or not it's true I always feel as though my ds is made out to be the villain and her dd to be a victim, and I feel so guilty.
Anyway, I called one of my besties to talk it through properly and she has made me feel a lot better about it, and reassured me somewhat.
I just feel quite sorry for myself at the moment - lonely, isolated and kind of like I can't do right for doing wrong. If anyone has any tips or advice I would be very grateful... Last time I coped with being drunk for about 96 hours straight and I'd like to not go down that road again...
My mam rang me to see if I was ok, but I'm also quite hurt with her so was a bit short with her. As per usual though, I end up being the one feeling as though I'm in the wrong. I just want to hibernate now and wake up when all this court business and family stuff is over and done with.

Eager_Elephant

I'm sorry you've got this going on as well.

Has another incident actually happened or were they left alone so there is only their version of events?

I don't like the way she calls your DS manipulative, that's a horrid word to use on someone young.

Please do not get drunk for 96 hours, it wont help.

If anything did happen it doesn't mean your son will grow up to be any kind of sexual pervert, the whole exploring thing goes on for quite some time. I remember growing up and in my village kids were often caught nude (not having sex just doing whatever, it was just kind of brushed off and everyone carried on - no one had to be separated from one another, it was just seen as part of growing up and none of those people are predators now)

Sending hugs xxxxxx

apple_muncher

Oh, it doesn't rain but it pours. So much rubbish going on for you. Sending lots of hugs x

Buffythedebtslayer

When I was little the boy down the road showed me his bits and I just remember being REALLY shocked that he kept a worm in his pants without any dirt for it!

I think it is pretty normal really. all part of exploring everything.

Hang in there Lovely XXXXX

crazy_cat_lady

They have, according to both of them, have been playing games of 'dares' where they are looking at each other's bits. I see this as part of normal childhood development, but my sister (or her husband more precisely) thinks it's a problem because my ds is so much older than his dd. My ds is the closest in age of her siblings and cousins. I suspect that this is mostly coming from my sister's husband as we really dislike each other. According to my sister though, my niece is devastated that she's not allowed to play with her cousin any more, so it doesn't appear that she's traumatised by it. I'll wait for my callback from the NSPCC and see what they say about it all, but I'm very upset and very hurt by the whole thing.
My mam has been over already to try and sort things out with me this morning (arrived before 8). She's in a difficult place as we're both her children. I've told her that I'm just hurt and upset and I feel as though I'm completely on my own sometimes and there's no easy or quick fix. I repeatedly just have to rely on myself to pick myself up and keep going, when all I really want is someone to listen to me and reassure me that I haven't completely messed everything up. I have zero self confidence and zero self esteem and it's really difficult to get out of a rut when everything seems to be going wrong, over and over again. It reinforces all of those negative things that you think about yourself and makes you feel hopeless.
Ah well - it doesn't help that I've been awake since before 4am going over and over things in my head and wondering what exactly I've done wrong to deserve all of this at the same time. I didn't get drunk - don't worry EE, I have gone beyond that as a coping mechanism. My coping mechanism is eating everything in sight, crying a lot and lying about on the sofa. It could be a lot worse.
I am going to make sure that I go out today. It won't do me any good sitting in the house and wallowing. I'll feel better if I'm actually getting stuff done. Not sure what it will be yet (unsurprisingly both kids are still in bed) but I need to feel like a normal human being.
After all the drama yesterday I didn't get much done so I need to do 2 days of decluttering stuff - I'll do that before I go out anywhere. I've already done a load of washing, washed the dishes and put the rubbish out so I am still getting stuff done.

teapot2

Didn't want to read and run - sorry to hear how difficult things are for you at the moment. Hope any advice/guidance from the NSPCC is helpful.

Getting out for a while today sounds like a good plan.

Toni'sfriend

I am sorry to hear that you're having even more problems. I hope the NSPCC will be helpful.

Buffythedebtslayer

crazy_cat_lady wrote: »

I've told her that I'm just hurt and upset and I feel as though I'm completely on my own sometimes and there's no easy or quick fix. I repeatedly just have to rely on myself to pick myself up and keep going, when all I really want is someone to listen to me and reassure me that I haven't completely messed everything up. I have zero self confidence and zero self esteem and it's really difficult to get out of a rut when everything seems to be going wrong, over and over again. It reinforces all of those negative things that you think about yourself and makes you feel hopeless.
Ah well - it doesn't help that I've been awake since before 4am going over and over things in my head and wondering what exactly I've done wrong to deserve all of this at the same time. I didn't get drunk - don't worry EE, I have gone beyond that as a coping mechanism. My coping mechanism is eating everything in sight, crying a lot and lying about on the sofa. It could be a lot worse.

It is very hard CCL, to keep pushing forwards when things go wrong and it falls on you to fix it. I can relate to this. I often say it is always me....When you don't have another adult around to go that's ok, we can do this or I will do that or that's normal.

But that is why we have MSE and RL friends i guess. Like I said, this too shall pass. And you haven't done anything to deserve this at all. none of us have. And I do believe things will be better

XXX

beanielou

Good to get out today if you can

crazy_cat_lady

Morning :coffee:
Just a quick one as I'm aware that I haven't checked in for a couple of days. I did a bit of pottering on Monday then went to the only shop I can get dd's uniform from, but then my mood deteriorated and I ended up just staying off the computer for the rest of the night. I was out all day yesterday catching up with a friend, which was amazing and very good for me.
Anyway, I got my call back and have been reassured that it's probably nothing to worry about but I need to have a good chat with ds about inappropriate behaviour (even if it is age appropriate). So I've done that and I've told my sister what they said. She was really good about it, and agreed with me so fingers crossed we will be able to move on. I still feel pretty rubbish about it now but in time I expect I will move on. The man I spoke to on the phone said that the adults tend to overreact in these situations on both sides and it's really important that we try to work through it so that the family don't end up divided. I feel better, but still quite 'weird' at the moment.
It's not a long check in this morning as we're going out early. We're going to London this morning - this one is my choice. I'm taking the kids for an overnight visit to have lunch, do some shopping and see a show. It is a bit of an extravagance but I have made the effort to be mse by using discounted train travel and a voucher for the restaurant. Thing is, the train we're getting leaves in about 90 minutes so I need to make sure that everyone is up and about and we're not late.
Lots of love to everyone - I will get on my phone later if I can but I'm not taking my laptop with me.