Crazy Cat Lady Chapter 3 - A New Beginning

Eager_Elephant

Is make up going to help you love yourself?

If it is then I agree that a gradual move across to make up is the way.

I used to wear mascara and lipstick every day but for the last few years I just wear a tinted lip balm and on nights out I will wear foundation, mascara, the full works.
I have come to accept myself for what I am and people also have to accept me for what I look like.

I don't have the time or inclination to put on make up everyday, my DD wears make up nearly every day - it can take hours to get ready and as for getting ready for a party, that's an all day affair!! I definitely don't want to be like that!!!

crazy_cat_lady

Morning :coffee: :hello:
Thanks for the makeup advice Beanie and EE. I think I should make something of an effort if I actually want to start caring about myself. I know that even the most beautiful of people look better with a bit of makeup so I should really make a bit of effort and think that if I look better I might feel better. I looked up tinted moisturiser Beanie, and think that's exactly the kind of thing I should do, but I might go for a CC cream rather than that - I'm very red to look at so that might help. I don't know what day we are going to do our big shopping centre day but I'll put it on my list to look out for.
Not sure how I'm feeling today - I slept until after 8am which is unusual for me. I don't feel properly awake though - maybe I need some more hydration, or fruit and veg to keep me more alert.
Not much planned for the day other than the late lunch (afternoon tea) with my sister this afternoon. It will be the first time I've seen her since the awkwardness of last weekend so I'm looking forward to getting that bit out of the way. And after that I can also stop worrying about party arrangements because that will be sorted out as well, although nothing will stop me worrying about whether or not people will turn up _pale_
Other than that I'll do my usual bits of pottering about the house, washing, dishes, rubbish etc, and we have ds bestie coming round to play for a few hours as well,
I've also decided that I need to get at least 2 annoying frogs crossed off the list.
Let's see how that little lot goes.

trix-a-belle

Another here faking it till I make it & also useless with makeup, my skin is hating it more and more and literally tries to reject it if I put it on so for now i'm just trying to work on doing a regular face care routine as i've always been pretty lax with that.

CCL your comment yesterday about wanting your ex legally out of your life made me wonder whether it might be worth you writing a sort of impact statement about how its affecting you, including the facts from the start on how it was amicable and then has spiralled because of x y z. It might be cathartic to get it all down on paper but also you could read/give it to the judge next time to go to court for the divorce so they can see in black and white the impact the dragging out is having. It might work to get someone to finally see sense and get it all pushed through so you can move on? xx

Glad you had a good time in London, I love Wicked!! I'm waiting for Six to come near me on their UK tour as I can't really justify the trip to London to see it at the moment (want to take my little cousin who I took to see Matilda a couple of years ago & loved it)

sashybo

Hi CCL, just de-lurking to join in the make up chat. If it's something you want to do wearing make up every day doesn't have to be a big effort once you're used to it and have found the right products. I can do mine in 10 mins at most as I just want to look alive/awake rather than "made-up". I just use foundation or CC cream, concealer, brow kit and finishing powder, sometimes a bit of mascara.

I like this CC cream as it adjusts to your skin tone. I use the anti-fatigue version rather than anti-redness (in my 30s), my mum uses it (just turned 60) & my MIL also uses it now (in her 70s) and we all have different skin tones so it's pretty versatile.

Do you have a skincare routine sorted as well? The right cleansers and moisturisers can make a real difference too. The ladies over on the Frump to Fab thread are usually pretty knowledgeable about all these kinds of things.

Hope your day goes well today.

Magpie100

Hello CCL,

I can see you've had a ton of helpful kind advice already - just chipping in with a few more ideas on the make-up/looking after yourself front. We're a similar age, I think, and I too found myself in a what to wear/I don't understand make-up rut recently. One thing that really helped me (oddly!) were the Style & Beauty forums on Mumsnet. There is plenty on Mumsnet that I can't stand/would avoid like the plague, but this bit of it is just really...nice.

When you have a chance have a browse round the S&B section. If you ignore the more ludicrous threads on £2000 handbags or perfume obsessives (though maybe you are one, who knows!) there are lots of threads with people saying 'look, I've had 3 kids, I'm busy juggling house, work and life, am overweight and have lost my way, hate showing my arms, can't find anything to wear, have limited time and budget and have lost the plot, HELP' - and then people jump in and offer (mostly!) kind, wise and practical advice, some of it very funny and tongue-in-cheek. I wonder if that might be a more helpful way forward - I am sure your daughter is wonderful, but I am not sure that make-up advice from a (no doubt fresh-faced beauty!) is going to be useful. It is all about starting small: drink water, walk more, try out a few things. The best thing I've found recently is a BB cream from Aldi of all places - cheap as chips, goes on smoothly and gives an amazing subtle glow. That plus mascara and a bit of colour on my cheeks and I feel much better about myself. I also buy a face primer from W7 on Amazon - it's a dupe for Smashbox, about £3 a tube and I put it on before I do any make-up as it smooths my skin out and gives it a nice matte base. Dove do a nice body moisturiser with a bit of a glow to it which helps me feel more pulled together in the summer.

My other tip is shopping in charity shops. I am not buying any new clothes at the moment because I can get such good stuff secondhand. I know it's not for everyone, but it's a good way of trying new styles and seeing what works without that horrible feeling that you've wasted a load of ££ on something you've worn twice and then realised doesn't suit you/your lifestyle. If it doesn't work out I just re-donate it and everyone wins. I think I actually make much better buying decisions with less choice - and because I'm not spending very much I can try out something I am not sure about to see if it fits with my lifestyle.

If that's not for you, have a browse of the style and beauty threads as there are lots of ideas on decent basics that will give you a bit of a lift. I know you've had a tough summer and are feeling a bit worn down by many things, but you could view the next few week as a time to experiment a bit and relaunch the new you for the new term in September. :-)

And finally - I think everyone loses their way a bit on the looks front when you get to our age. It's nothing to feel bad about - I found myself for ages caught in the too-old-for-Topshop-but-don't-want-head-to-toe-M&S-just-yet - there are gazillions of us out there, and there are ways forward. Ask for help, experiment a bit and have fun! xx

Buffythedebtslayer

Just popping into say - dermalogica saved my skin- they are expensive but amazing.

xx

dreaming

crazy_cat_lady wrote: »

I always thought if I was thin then I would be happy - but I've never been thin so I wouldn't really know. I just need a bit more confidence. Thing is, the debt and my shape are constant, long haul things which I don't know if I can do. But I suppose if I give up trying then I'll never get there. Fall down 7 times, get up 8 and all that... I don't want to be alone once the kids have left home but I'm very scared about meeting new people - I'm very introverted and I have been badly hurt so I'm just not ready for that at all yet
Onwards...

Have quoted this part of your post as I have spent most of my life with the same sort of thoughts. I was always the "clever" one but intelligence wasn't actually prized in my family. When I passed exams etc. the response was always things like "Ooh, get you. You won't be able to get your head through the door soon". So I quickly learned to dumb it down to fit in. I then spent many, many years trying to please everyone else and feeling that I was a failure at everything, which caused me to suffer badly with depression. My ex-H used to nag me to lose weight and wear make-up etc. but when, aged 42 I joined a gym and did lose a lot of weight (and got a well-paid job) he hated it as I gained a lot of confidence and he thought I bacame "hard". No, I was just finally standing up for myself and trying to be the real me - not what I thought I ought to be. 20 years on and I admit I have put on a lot of the weight again and am feeling it in my knees etc. so do keep trying. However when people talk about how much happier they think they would be if they were thinner (richer, better-looking whatever) I look at all the stars and celebrities who spend much of their time trying to be "perfect" and musing on the fact that many (big generalisation I know) don't seem to have happy relationships. So I would say - yes, try to lose a bit of weight if it means you have more energy and it helps reduce health problems but don't think it will transform your life. Remember - you are the best you there is. As for being lonely, I know that after my marriage did end I suddenly realised how lonely I had been in the relationship, and strangely I haven't suffered from depression since despite undergoing some major family difficultiesin the last couple of years.

apple_muncher

I can't add to the make-up discussion (don't wear it, only wash with cold water and use evoo to moisturise...). But I can comment on the 'crisis of confidence' with the job. I have this every holiday and especially in the summer, once I've had a chance to unwind a bit, and am surprised that I'm still considered fit to teach. I don't think I have it as bad as you do, but it lurks in the background. Constantly. I'm v good at comparing my self with others, and of course, they always score better than me. Yet, every September I return and get through another year. And every Cmastime /New year the exam board ask me back to work for them. So logic says that I must be doing ok, even when my head can't understand how that can be.


So lots of these :T:T:T:T:T:T:T:T:T:T for you, m'dear x

wishingthemortgaheaway

How was afternoon tea with your sister?

mumblingtaff

Love the idea of a divorce party! Wish I'd had one myself!