Crazy Cat Lady Chapter 3 - A New Beginning

wishingthemortgaheaway

Oh CCL that's terrible. I can't believe it's going to cost you more money. And have to pay someone to find him. Utterly utterly ridiculous. I hope you can come up with a solution quickly.

Wish.

Buffythedebtslayer

CCL, please cry.Bloody infuriating stupid situation. It sucks big ones. the biggest. I can't believe it is so bloody hard and all that utter !!!!!! has to do is nothing. Why isn't his lack cooperation contempt of court??? Why can't things be decided in his absence - you have made a more than reasonable attempt to keep him informed. Or will all that happen once you can prove he has the papers?

Fingers massively crossed getting someone to find him isn't that expensive......

xxx

crazy_cat_lady

It didn't get much better.
DS shows no sign of infection, or kidney stones - but still has a kidney full of pee, which means there's some other sort of problem causing it to either not drain properly or for reflux to happen. So he has been referred off to a specialist (which I thought had happened yesterday) but apparently there's nothing to worry about. I don't like being told not to worry when there's something wrong with my son - however he's not in pain at the moment and is taking his tablets and staying hydrated so I'm trying to put it at the back of my mind for the short term.
I've done myself a homemade Bailey's milkshake but have honestly spent most of the day either in tears, angry or stressing out. These things are all beyond my control in the short term but I actually hate the whole divorce and finances situation. It isn't fair - I've done everything I can to sort it out and he's still somehow retaining control over me, my life and my money. Also had a go at my solicitor for not keeping me in the loop, and for sending someone else to court in his place on Friday and not bothering to tell me :mad:
Did manage my 31 items of decluttering, by going through one of the drawers in the kitchen where stuff gets 'put away' - I decided that the way today has gone, I really shouldn't be doing anything major - just riding the day out and hoping that tomorrow is a bit brighter.

Honeysucklelou2

Sorry to read that you have had a very trying day. Are you able to return home to await an appointment with the specialist?

Sorry that the financial side is taking so long. It is incredibly frustrating. I had to use a process server to serve papers on the ex because I didn't and still don't know where he lives, so posting them was out of the question. It didn't cost as much as I'd feared but I had to give ideas of any regular movements.

The Baileys milkshake sounds an excellent choice after such a day. Am very impressed by the 31 decluttered items in spite of the day you've had.

f0xh0les

Cry! Just do it! your baby might be ill and you can't fix it, that is enough reason to pass the Kleenex, let alone all the other stuff.

Hope the marking money is rolling in thick and fast, wonder if MSE have a best buy chart for process servers? Probably not, but it would have been nice.

Make a few phone calls and find out a general price. It will feel like you are doing something proactive, and then if the solicitor gives you a price for it, at least you will know if it is competitive. The thought of it might be worse than the reality.

I must admit I do like the idea of XH being 'hunted' like on telly. Tracking his social media and phone usage and popping up behind him and chasing him through someone's front garden and apprehending him behind a rose bush, or in the garden shed. You have been served!! although it might be more 'Are you being served?' - pitch it as a tv idea, channel 5 might take you up on it.

Many hugs, milkshake sounds fab, these are not normal situations, one at a time would be nice, but you are just doing them all at the same time.

More hugs. Take care, - shame you can't tell him DS is in hospital and serve him the papers when he turns up there with a million witnesses.

crazy_cat_lady

Oh my goodness me. I can't even begin to explain what a struggle it has been to force myself out of bed this morning. I lay awake for ages wanting to hide from the rest of the world but have finally made it as far as the sofa with a cup of tea and the laptop. I feel quite miserable, and quite lonely. Much as I love my kids, I have been short on adult company for the past fortnight. DD is almost 15 and fab, but I could use a coffee with my bestie or a chat with my sister or mam - all at work or on holiday today though so another day of just me, overthinking stuff.
Not sure what today's plans are but both kids are still asleep so nothing happening any time soon. No post today so no legal letters, hospital appointments or anything else to deal with there. Bestie has asked if it's ok for her ds to come round again today so that will keep ds entertained - looks as though there's not much else going to happen. I'm firmly ignoring the massive frog list that I made to tackle until I'm in a better place mentally. I need to do a load of washing and continue decluttering but I genuinely haven't thought about anything else. I hate days when I feel like this.
You lot are fab, as always - f0xh0les you made me laugh out loud at your post. There are a couple of issues with ex though in that he has literally disappeared. He has no home, no job, there's no money going into his bank account, he's not in touch with his family or friends, and I've even contacted some of his football friends that I don't even know and there's no sign. I suspect the only people that might know are the council/police/hospitals and there are data protection laws that me and my solicitor have no hope of getting past. I might pitch the idea to C5 anyway though - they might pay for mine to be the pilot episode :rotfl:
Ah well, it could be worse. I have my kids (ds is home and on outpatients referral), a decent job, the potential for extra earnings and a roof over my head. I need to be grateful for these things.
By the way, I did send a text, a FB message and spoke to someone on his football group to let ex know that ds had been ill. No response.

f0xh0les

Process server is a rubbish name, they are now Bounty Hunters. At least it puts a smile on your face.

pink68

Hi CCL
I've never posted but I've read your diary for many years and am always amazed at how strong you are.
I just wanted to reassure you about your son, mine had a overlarge kidney picked up on a scan when he was still inside me. After he was born he was put on low dose antibiotics for a couple of years to prevent infections starting, we had ultrasounds and dyes injected and test after test and then eventually they decided he had a backflow issue. Tiny little operation to insert a bit of silicon to increase the size of a valve connecting the pipes to the bladder. He's now a strapping 17 year old rugby player nervously awaiting his A level results. Never had a problem since. The solution is so straightforward.
Take the pills and give him lots of fluids when its hot. I always used to ask my kids if they had been 'watered' lately!

Good luck. x

joeyjimbles

What a lot of really positive, sensible, funny and above all robust messages here - I just wanted to sit and weep with you which is not remotely helpful. Hoping DS keeps on feeling well and the consultants and testers can beaver away in the background and find the longer term solution.
As for X - I'm with f0xh0les - happy to join in on the hunting side!

Maybe today should be a pamper day? Watch Netflix with a facemask, have a bath with a book, nothing too demanding but some nice distractions whilst the rest of the world gets on with it.

crazy_cat_lady

Evening :wave:
Thanks for the reassurance pink - it's good to know that it probably isn't anything too bad and that whatever it is can be sorted out.
Today has definitely been better than yesterday but not great - I've found it very difficult to get motivated and get anything done. Started with the small things like washing dishes, rubbish and laundry. Then picked up ds bestie and came home via his dad's shop (he's a butcher) to get some ham for sarnies for lunch.
Was going to go and get dd's school trousers but she wanted to go out with her friend so I left her to it - there's plenty of time. I offered to pick them up later so that I could return a parcel to N£xt. I'd ordered a swimsuit in the sale for the hols but unfortunately for them and lucky for my finances, it arrived after we'd gone. So I returned it without even taking it out of the bag. So there's one little frog ticked off the list. Still have the Amaz0n return frog to deal with (my beach bag that arrived with a broken zip that I didn't notice until I was on the plane and tried to close it - so I used it all holiday but am now sending it back). Strangely enough while I was just getting back in the car after picking the girls up my travel agent rang me. obviously they want to sell me another holiday and luckily enough I had already researched what I would like to do next year and had a best price that I could find. I've challenged her to go off and beat it if she can. Reckons that she's going to call me back tomorrow with prices. Every little helps and all that - we'll see what happens. There are a very finite number of years that my kids will still want to holiday with me and so I intend to make the most of it, no matter what. Particularly as I'm going to be a lonely crazy cat lady once they're all grown up and will have to holiday on my own
I also faced my fears and commissioned a [STRIKE]bounty hunter[/STRIKE] tracing service to try and find my ex and if so then serve the papers. It's a fixed price service, which is still money that I'd rather be spending on me and the kids but at least I know how much it costs. The man (I've named him Dog the Bounty Hunter but I think it was Julian or something similar) was very honest and said that it sounded as if it would be a real challenge for him, but he would do his best, and if he can't find him (maybe because he's homeless) then he will write a letter to the courts saying exactly what he's done and hopefully that will be enough.
Triaged the fridge and I have way too many green leaves in there. Watercress (why? I don't even like it) and spinach in particular. There's only so much I can do with that. Also have a couple of yellow courgettes and some radishes to use up. I have a massive glut of meat as well which I've portioned up and put in the freezer. Low carb here I come... Got the gooseberries out of the freezer and am determined to make my chutney over the weekend.
Did a bit of a grocery shop as well (we're away two days next week) but only for the kids stuff as I have almost 2 freezers full of suitable food. Got the vinegar I needed for the chutney as well and a couple of cleaning bits.
So I suppose it has been fairly productive even if it doesn't feel like it. I'm knackered, and for the 5th day in a row I'm feeling very dizzy by bedtime. I'm putting it down to stress, but when I had this before it was glue ear so fingers crossed that's not happening again.
Right. I'm off to bed. See you tomorrow turtles!