husbands left me

affordmylife

Just to say Hi and hope you are okay today. Keep putting one foot in front of the other - each day will get a little better.

There will be set backs along the way - dont worry.

Thinking of you.

Jamangie

thanks again everyone
I feel a bit of a let down to you all i have sorted money issues today and i've managed 2 drinks of complan.

He has been round this morning still saying he thinks he has made a mistake and it might just be a break to get away from pressure that he needs.
I wish i could do what you have done robster1964 but i'm scared if i do that he will think i dont need him and wont come back.
In the past he has always needed to be needed by people
You are all so strong

He is coming round tonight to take the comp so i will have to use the kids one so might not get on as much

thanks as well for the pms iwill reply soon

I will try and stay strong and be firmer with him

dundeedoll_2

Yes, another one that's got the t-shirt!

It is the most awful feeling - partly made worse as you are still in limbo, not knowing if he's 'really gone' or not.

Married for 22 years, 2 children, supposedly happy (just had 2nd honeymoon 2 weeks before!) & then he came home one day and said: "Don't bother cooking for me. I can't do this any more - I'm leaving you." All I wanted was my duvet, a BIG bottle of Bacardi and 40 Marlboro. Well, I'd given up smoking, don't really drink much + had to be there to get two lads to /from school, fed etc. so not an option!!
I was devastated and literally howled whenever my boys weren't there. Couldn't eat a thing for at least 2 weeks, hardly slept at all....I truly believe that you need to go through the crying etc. Then a very wise neighbour told me:
" There are some things in life that you have no control over. What you do however have total control over is your reaction to them."

That bit of advice, believe it or not, totally turned my life around. It helped me enourmously then and still does in everyday life.
Big hug, dundeedoll x

Daisey-Duke

I dont recommend this, but when my husband left I cut up all his clothes, left him with 1 trousers shirt and slippers! He left so much debt I didnt know about so I found one of his cheque books and wrote cheques to all the debters which got paid.
I went to the docs for advice but I was an emotional wreck, he offered anti depressants, I tried these and binned them the very same day.
I would live off Zantac and milk as I too could not eat a bite.

Please make sure you get your self and children sorted with the finances, its difficult but all helps with the grieving proccess, yes that is what it feels like, like they have died.

I just lived day to day, with great help from family and friends.

After 3 months, yes 3 months before I could function again I decided that I needed something for ME. I enrolled in the local college and did a few courses, Best move I ever made.

best wishes and just remember , This WILL get BETTER

kisto

Daisey-Duke wrote: »

After 3 months, yes 3 months before I could function again I decided that I needed something for ME. I enrolled in the local college and did a few courses, Best move I ever made.

I think you've said that you are working Jamangie, but I think this is wise advice from Daisey-Duke. After I split with my ex I went on a course a few months after and it really boosted my self confidence.

Take things day by day.

Take care.

janb5

Hiya,

A lot of us on here have been left by our OH`s ( including me) and we all remember the pain, hurt and bewilderment we all felt.

Please grab a note book and make a note of all the things you need/have to do like contact wwww.entitledto.com

There is a lot of really useful advice on here. Personally I wouldnt chop up clothes etc because I could never bear anyone doing that to me but please baby steps and a job per day will keep you focussed. You will certainly find out who your friends are and the one you thought would stick around forever magically disappear

Thinking of you and wishing you strength through this horrible time

Jan

kmate

robster1964 wrote: »

Hi Love,

I just wanted to high light what Gillian has said. My OH once left me (mid life crisis, thought the grass was greener etc etc) I was devastated, didn't think i would cope etc, cried like a baby, drank gallons of rum, (this did help actually!! but I will never recommend it!)

What happened to me is I decided to stop thinking of him and count my blessings. I added up all the things I had that I loved... My
Kids, my job, my dogs, my home(he would never have got that). And then I got selfish.... Although it was hard I never contacted him, never replied to his texts, carried on with as much front as I could. I never asked him to come back. I went out if I new he was coming round and my kids only said to him 'Mum's not here, she's getting on with her life etc. He once said I hope we can still be friends, I said I'd rather not, best to make a full break... even though I new I didn't want to, the look of shock on his face will be imprinted in my mind forever for me to giggle at. But when I said I was being selfish, I was. I just thought how dare you tell me that you want to leave me, after 18 great years, just like that, cos your a bit bored or think you have a chance with a young nubile 20 year old (dream on, fool). I just refused to blame myself, and I wasn't about to massage his fragile ego, by acknowledging that his leaving had had any effect on my well being.

I have to admit it was hard........ but when he came crawling back, he said that he couldn't stand it that I didn't seem to need him anymore, and although he was a bit bored (aren't we all), he realised that he didn't want to leave his home, didn't want to leave me or the kids or the dogs. He came back on my terms, course I wanted him back, I have always loved him to death, and he has me. It was a shocking experience for both of us... I thought I was almost perfect as a wife, but I wasn't, nearly, but had let the romance slip a bit. And I realised that my man, maybe a lot of others, need to still feel attractive, sexy, wanted otherwise they start to get ideas that at 47 a younger model is available....... Very fickle, I know but I learnt enough for neither of us to go through that again.

Babe, I am thinking of you and praying for you to be strong, if he is a decent man, who is just having a crisis, he will come home.

Robyn xxx

Just wanted to say, that this is almost same as my story, and being tough and single minded and determined to get on with my life worked for me. You cant loose, either the "act" of being determined and strong starts to become real and you realise that you are no longer pretending to be, or being strong and in control is the wake-up call that your OH needs to see that he DOES want his future to be with you.

In my case, OH came back from "mid life crisis/overinflated ego trip/boredom phase" we made a fresh start, sorted out where it had gone wrong, and are much, much stronger for it. (although it was truly miserable when it happened, we also have children).

My advice (for what it is worth) would be, to take control over the areas of your life that you can, so that you dont feel like you are completely at his mercy. Believe in your strength - it is there -honest.

Trust that it will turn out the way its meant to, everything happens for a reason. sometimes you cant see the reason straight away.
xx

geekgirl

Jamangie wrote: »

I am feeling a bit better tonight but i dont think it will last i think the wine has helped.
I'm 40 and on my own with 4 kids a stressful full time job and all my dreams are over

Hi my lovie, I am so sorry you have been put through this. It is agonizing and it seems impossible that you will ever get through it.

But... you will. Just keep breathing, taking each minute, each hour, each day and using it for you and your kids. You will feel at rock bottom just now but you will rise again. Your only 40 and your dreams that you had may be over for now but you will have new dreams and new things to look forward too.

Take the kids away, you can be sad at home or sad in Devon, but you will look back and realise what a great person you are for being able to do the best for your kids at a really horrible stressful time.

Big hugs to you. XXX

anguk

Jamangie wrote: »

thanks again everyone
I feel a bit of a let down to you all i have sorted money issues today and i've managed 2 drinks of complan.

He has been round this morning still saying he thinks he has made a mistake and it might just be a break to get away from pressure that he needs.
I wish i could do what you have done robster1964 but i'm scared if i do that he will think i dont need him and wont come back.
In the past he has always needed to be needed by people
You are all so strong

He is coming round tonight to take the comp so i will have to use the kids one so might not get on as much

thanks as well for the pms iwill reply soon

I will try and stay strong and be firmer with him

First of all hugs to you and I hope things work out for you.

I've highlighted a couple of things in your post because they reminded me of a friend of mine. Her husband left her and everytime he came back to see the kids kept saying he thought he might have made a mistake, he also kept taking the odd thing from the house that he needed. It turned out that he never had any intention of going back and making a go of the marriage, he had a girlfriend and was just telling my friend what she wanted to hear and keeping her sweet so he could go back if it didn't work out with the new girlfriend.

I'm not saying your husband is doing this, he may really be regretting things and just need a break but you're in a vunerable position at the moment and still in shock so please be careful. You said earlier you didn't know where he was staying, do you know yet?

stebiz

Jamangie wrote: »

thanks again everyone
I feel a bit of a let down to you all i have sorted money issues today and i've managed 2 drinks of complan.

He has been round this morning still saying he thinks he has made a mistake and it might just be a break to get away from pressure that he needs.
I wish i could do what you have done robster1964 but i'm scared if i do that he will think i dont need him and wont come back.
In the past he has always needed to be needed by people
You are all so strong

He is coming round tonight to take the comp so i will have to use the kids one so might not get on as much

thanks as well for the pms iwill reply soon

I will try and stay strong and be firmer with him

Just to give you my thoughts and a couple of comments. You mentioned in a previous post that you had a bottle of wine. The Anti Depressants are there to help - the wine is a depressant in itself. I am speaking as somebody who has depression. I'm not preaching to you. I still have a good drink myself but it isn't advisable if you want the Anti Depressants to make you feel good.

Secondly that knotty feeling you are feeling is so, so normal. It is also horrible. I've been there and not been able to eat for two weeks until the Anti Depressants kick in. Hold in there - they will work.

Finally as you say you are overdrawn and your husband suffers from depression, he may be going through a bad patch himself. He may feel as if he has let you all down. There does appear to be some hope there.

Kind Regards
Stebiz