husbands left me

MRSTITTLEMOUSE

Just want to say Im thinking of you,I can't offer any advice I think there are more qualified already done that.Take care.

suzysue_2

Good morning Jamangie,
I'm glad you got a bit of sleep, it's great you are able to look at your finances today. Forcing yourself to do a few jobs around the house will help you get through the day. Small steps X

Gillianh2

))))))))))))))))))HUGS))))))))))))))))))

Just wanted to give you a big hug and tell you that you are in all our thoughts.

Have read that you spoke to OH yesterday and you wonder how he feels and whether he has been hasty.:rolleyes: I dont want to sound harsh etc; but maybe you should consider how "YOU FEEL" I know you are upset and shocked by all thats happened, BUT dont let him make all the decisions as to whether he comes back whether hes been hasty etc; YOU are important YOUR happiness is important here, please try to keep that in mind if you need to make any decisions, dont beleive that you can only be happy with him. You are a strong Woman you have Four beautiful children and a full time job. You are worthy of someone who values YOU.

I'm sorry if I sound blunt or uncaring but I just want you to recover your balance and ultimatley your happiness.

))))))))))))))))HUGS)))))))))))))))))))) to you and the children.

Siouxie_2

Jamangie...i just wanted to let you know im thinking about you... and would you go to 'relate' as previously suggested they may be able to help you both? Also as your ex is suffering from depression...do you know if he is getting the right treatment? As this might be affecting his way of thinking about your relationship.
***Hugs*** S xxXxx

ampersand

Jamangie wrote: »

thank you again everyone.
I did get some sleep in fits and starts. When i woke up this morning that knot and sick feeling was still there.
I lay in bed not wanting to get up because getting up meant i had to face it all again today.
I am going to have a money sort out day i think that is keeping me focussed but i'm finding it hard to do anything i will have to force myself to do housework i think

thanks for all your support it really is helping

##############
With your Money Sort-out day, PLEASE GO THE C.A.B. rather than swirl about feeling more and more hopeless and damning yourself for perhaps not achieving a goal you loosely set earlier.
The paralysis of inertia is your body's and mind's response to an overwhelming blow. They need to stabilise, adjust, recover.
Housework doesn't really matter, although you'll feel better if you can have one space in which you can sit, look at favoured painting on wall, see vase of anything you've gathered while out in the sun(now arrived where I am), put an indoor hyacinth to grow, prepare for Devon, perhaps cook something en famille, play a board game....
Please don't set targets that mind, body and soul are not fully fit to meet at the moment. You will hurt yourself more.
CAB(and similar)will be lifting some of the burden away from you - it's their field of excellence.
We are all thinking of you.
If the sun is shining, can you be outdoors? - even with a couple of rugs, it's still better to be out on(in my case) a rackety old lounger.
Bless you, Jamangie.

full-time-mum

I think ampersand has some good advice.

If you speak to CAB, you will go to bed knowing you have done something positive today.

Getting outside, especially in the crisp autumn sun, is always uplifting and will stop the 4 walls closing in.

:grouphug:

115K

:grouphug: Sorry no real advice, I just wanted to say I'm sorry to hear that, you poor thing.

pukkamum

Hi just wanted to say that having a money will really clear your head my friend went through the same thing last year and as soon as she went to CAB and found out her rights etc it really helped her see things in a clearer controlled way not only that it really shook her husband up when she told him she knew exactly what her rights were etc it made him realise that she wasn't just an emotional wreck that he could walk all over. They did end up back together partly i think because her making decisions about her future made him realise what he was losing. I'm not saying this is what is going to happen to you but just getting money sorted will help you feel more in control ))))))))hugs((((((((((

robster1964

Gillianh2 wrote: »

))))))))))))))))))HUGS))))))))))))))))))

Just wanted to give you a big hug and tell you that you are in all our thoughts.

Have read that you spoke to OH yesterday and you wonder how he feels and whether he has been hasty.:rolleyes: I dont want to sound harsh etc; but maybe you should consider how "YOU FEEL" I know you are upset and shocked by all thats happened, BUT dont let him make all the decisions as to whether he comes back whether hes been hasty etc; YOU are important YOUR happiness is important here, please try to keep that in mind if you need to make any decisions, dont beleive that you can only be happy with him. You are a strong Woman you have Four beautiful children and a full time job. You are worthy of someone who values YOU.

I'm sorry if I sound blunt or uncaring but I just want you to recover your balance and ultimatley your happiness.

))))))))))))))))HUGS)))))))))))))))))))) to you and the children.

Hi Love,

I just wanted to high light what Gillian has said. My OH once left me (mid life crisis, thought the grass was greener etc etc) I was devastated, didn't think i would cope etc, cried like a baby, drank gallons of rum, (this did help actually!! but I will never recommend it!)

What happened to me is I decided to stop thinking of him and count my blessings. I added up all the things I had that I loved... My
Kids, my job, my dogs, my home(he would never have got that). And then I got selfish.... Although it was hard I never contacted him, never replied to his texts, carried on with as much front as I could. I never asked him to come back. I went out if I new he was coming round and my kids only said to him 'Mum's not here, she's getting on with her life etc. He once said I hope we can still be friends, I said I'd rather not, best to make a full break... even though I new I didn't want to, the look of shock on his face will be imprinted in my mind forever for me to giggle at. But when I said I was being selfish, I was. I just thought how dare you tell me that you want to leave me, after 18 great years, just like that, cos your a bit bored or think you have a chance with a young nubile 20 year old (dream on, fool). I just refused to blame myself, and I wasn't about to massage his fragile ego, by acknowledging that his leaving had had any effect on my well being.

I have to admit it was hard........ but when he came crawling back, he said that he couldn't stand it that I didn't seem to need him anymore, and although he was a bit bored (aren't we all), he realised that he didn't want to leave his home, didn't want to leave me or the kids or the dogs. He came back on my terms, course I wanted him back, I have always loved him to death, and he has me. It was a shocking experience for both of us... I thought I was almost perfect as a wife, but I wasn't, nearly, but had let the romance slip a bit. And I realised that my man, maybe a lot of others, need to still feel attractive, sexy, wanted otherwise they start to get ideas that at 47 a younger model is available....... Very fickle, I know but I learnt enough for neither of us to go through that again.

Babe, I am thinking of you and praying for you to be strong, if he is a decent man, who is just having a crisis, he will come home.

Robyn xxx

ampersand

A marvellous post robster1964 - people's situations never duplicate each other exactly, but you have done what was splendid and necessary for you, with great courage and the Coping mask firmly in place. Jamangie will find her way, too.
Many congratulations.