We'd like to remind Forumites to please avoid political debate on the Forum... Read More »
We're aware that some users are experiencing technical issues which the team are working to resolve. See the Community Noticeboard for more info. Thank you for your patience.
📨 Have you signed up to the Forum's new Email Digest yet? Get a selection of trending threads sent straight to your inbox daily, weekly or monthly!
An update on me
Options
Comments
-
Isn't it insulting their intelligence to pretend they are healthy? It's my experience that many obese people don't accept how big and unhealthy they are. Perhaps if more people were honest with them, they would begin to accept it and change their lives.
I do own a mirror. Its glaringly hard not to loo in it and see that i'm fat.
I saw the cancer reaserch advert and i know i need to lose weight. so by the magic of calories in calories out that everyone from you my doctor have banged on about i drastically cut my calories and am barely eating and have lost 4.5lbs in a week.
See thats the affect you don;t see. I have a history of disordered eating when i was was younger and bullied for being fat i stopped eating and lost about 5st in a year. I admit i'm a)an emotional eater and 2)take meds that both increase my appetite and can have weight gain as a side effect. but all people see is the fat. so here i am losing weight but not in a good way.This is a system account and does not represent a real person. To contact the Forum Team email forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com0 -
But the way it reads is a careful comment meant to imply negativity hence the "if" may not of been your intention but that is how it easily reads.
By saying "if" it hints at it won't happen therefore negative.
Very, very few people eat three meals a day with absolutely no snacks or drinks as well, regardless of their size - it was a general comment.0 -
If the op is at uni as they claim, they need to use student services to get some counseling to sort their issues out. As they seem to be stuck about 20 years ago after the death/murder of a family member that they seem to keep bringing up all the time. Coming to peace with that might help them move forward.
They seem to have issue after issue. Be it Dr's or noisy neighbours even after a move.
They need way more help than can be given on a forum such as this.
I wish them luck
Yours
Calley xHope for everything and expect nothing!!!
Good enough is almost always good enough -Prof Barry Schwartz
If it scares you, it might be a good thing to try -Seth Godin0 -
If the op is at uni as they claim, they need to use student services to get some counseling to sort their issues out. As they seem to be stuck about 20 years ago after the death/murder of a family member that they seem to keep bringing up all the time. Coming to peace with that might help them move forward.
They seem to have issue after issue. Be it Dr's or noisy neighbours even after a move.
They need way more help than can be given on a forum such as this.
I wish them luck
Yours
Calley x
Im at college, I used to be at university and that was the point of things like social services, I wanted counseling to help me move on rather than push myself into things that I would struggle because I haven't got over the problems.
Its that same relative that had their fiance murdered that in past 2 years now pesters me for money, they haven't got over it too so instead date someone 10 years older who uses him and since they are desperate for any attention from a woman they let it happen they know its a scam but are in denial.
So it brings everything back that everytime I try and get a fresh start this comes back up in some form.
I need to deal with the main issues first then improve my overall life around it.
Things like noisy neighbours are bad, most people deal with it even if it is in the extreme but to me added with the autism and the stress it makes it even worse, noise like that is never justified its just let go.
And one of the main reasons I became a target in recent years is the grief drained me emotionally making me even more of a target as people noticed I was basically frail emotionally.
I do miss my old self, I was never the same after that but at least for a year or two after I could keep a fraction of a normal life like going for a night out, enjoying a night in, held down a down even though I was exhausted etc.0 -
Im at college, I used to be at university and that was the point of things like social services, I wanted counseling to help me move on rather than push myself into things that I would struggle because I haven't got over the problems.
Its that same relative that had their fiance murdered that in past 2 years now pesters me for money, they haven't got over it too so instead date someone 10 years older who uses him and since they are desperate for any attention from a woman they let it happen they know its a scam but are in denial.
So it brings everything back that everytime I try and get a fresh start this comes back up in some form.
I need to deal with the main issues first then improve my overall life around it.
Things like noisy neighbours are bad, most people deal with it even if it is in the extreme but to me added with the autism and the stress it makes it even worse, noise like that is never justified its just let go.
And one of the main reasons I became a target in recent years is the grief drained me emotionally making me even more of a target as people noticed I was basically frail emotionally.
I do miss my old self, I was never the same after that but at least for a year or two after I could keep a fraction of a normal life like going for a night out, enjoying a night in, held down a down even though I was exhausted etc.
Is that a different murder from when you've said a family member was murdered?0 -
Im at college, I used to be at university and that was the point of things like social services, I wanted counseling to help me move on rather than push myself into things that I would struggle because I haven't got over the problems.
I am sure the college have some support for you if you want to use it.
Its up to you if you want over come it or just come up with excuses of why you can't.
The best thing that anyone can do is to remove toxic people from your life. So stop engaging with people who drain you. You don't have to talk to anyone you don't want to. Change your mobile number if you have to.
You are allowing this to take over your life. Yes it was horrible but lots of other people have had issues such as this but they deal with it and move on. The fact that you feel the need to keep mentioning it a lot, just proves that you can't let go. And not sure why. Personally its something I would want to forget about.
I am sure that the family member that has died would not want you to keep dwelling on it. The pain over the years should soften and no one is saying forget it. But you do need to put it away in a box so it does not effect everyday. You have the power to stop this.
Please don't think I am being unsympathetic as I suffer with MH issues myself. But know that if I keep dwelling on stuff I wont be able to move forward. One of my what if's was when when my husband had a stroke. I thought and still think that I should have taken him to hospital that night and not left it. A week later he had a stroke that left him disabled. I still get the odd stab of guilt even now. But I know that I can't change what happened but try and move forward.
I get some of the issues are bound up in your autism. But its up to you how you react to stuff.
As I said I wish you all the best. But the only person who can help you is you.
Yours
Calley xHope for everything and expect nothing!!!
Good enough is almost always good enough -Prof Barry Schwartz
If it scares you, it might be a good thing to try -Seth Godin0 -
Tabbytabitha wrote: »Is that a different murder from when you've said a family member was murdered?
I knew you would bring that up, but its the same person they were family to me as I knew them for years and they were living with/engaged to my actual family member for 8 years bearing in mind I was barely into my 20s when they died I knew them since I was a small child does someone need to be married to be a relative?
Also in the past I called them relative in case people thought it strange I felt that way about a non blood relative.
I call my great aunt my gran as she was the one who raised my dad since my actual gran didn't want anything to do with him.0 -
I am sure the college have some support for you if you want to use it.
Its up to you if you want over come it or just come up with excuses of why you can't.
The best thing that anyone can do is to remove toxic people from your life. So stop engaging with people who drain you. You don't have to talk to anyone you don't want to. Change your mobile number if you have to.
You are allowing this to take over your life. Yes it was horrible but lots of other people have had issues such as this but they deal with it and move on. The fact that you feel the need to keep mentioning it a lot, just proves that you can't let go. And not sure why. Personally its something I would want to forget about.
I am sure that the family member that has died would not want you to keep dwelling on it. The pain over the years should soften and no one is saying forget it. But you do need to put it away in a box so it does not effect everyday. You have the power to stop this.
Please don't think I am being unsympathetic as I suffer with MH issues myself. But know that if I keep dwelling on stuff I wont be able to move forward. One of my what if's was when when my husband had a stroke. I thought and still think that I should have taken him to hospital that night and not left it. A week later he had a stroke that left him disabled. I still get the odd stab of guilt even now. But I know that I can't change what happened but try and move forward.
I get some of the issues are bound up in your autism. But its up to you how you react to stuff.
As I said I wish you all the best. But the only person who can help you is you.
Yours
Calley x
This is a reason I use the term context so often, I bring it up as a reminder that my issues are not just say me moping about there is history to them as to a stranger if I said I felt miserable, weak and depressed someone would say theres no reason for that, I give a reason to why I feel that way and people would assume im focusing on it.
Other context is at the time I tried letting go by getting a job, moving away, starting university, as I wasn't 100% all there I couldn't deal with each thing like the bi polar flatmate smashing walls, the drug dealer neighbour stealing my identity, the student flatmates having 24/7 parties I was down for so long I never had a chance to recover.
So it was the beginning of my issues so in some context it is the root if my issues, I have said including on here in past that had I counselling to cope I would recovered years ago, but the longer I go without the harder it is to recover.
Hence small steps at recovery rather than large leaps so if someone things I am not doing enough its not taking into account what I have done which creates that circle because I have to explain the reasons for things getting so bad in the first place which means bringing it back to the surface.
I don't have that shoulder to cry on in a literal sense and even further as I am single so I have no companionship but the autism mixed with the mental health means finding a partner for one is a nightmare and when I do get one I lump them with my issues which is cruel.
This is one of the reasons I do feel isolated because I can't just go out and meet someone even as a friend because I have baggage.0 -
I knew you would bring that up, but its the same person they were family to me as I knew them for years and they were living with/engaged to my actual family member for 8 years bearing in mind I was barely into my 20s when they died I knew them since I was a small child does someone need to be married to be a relative?
Also in the past I called them relative in case people thought it strange I felt that way about a non blood relative.
I call my great aunt my gran as she was the one who raised my dad since my actual gran didn't want anything to do with him.
Yes that is a little strange as they where not relative unless a blood relative or married to a relative. When you said relative I thought it was uncle or grand parent.
Right going to tell you a couple of things that hardly anyone outside of my direct family and partner knows.
On my 16th Birthday my best friend died. I had know her since I was 5 years old. I still do think about her from time to time. Would she have married, how kids would she have had etc
I could never have celebrated my birthday again. And let it ruin my life. But I did not. When I was 21 another best friend of mine nearly died in a car accident. And about 10 years ago a guy who grow up in the same village as me. Went to the same primary school with and played with him and his brothers when we where children, got killed.
They are all tragic things that have happened. But I had two choices, could have wallowed in each one of them. Or go and have the best life I could.
I have not thought about them for a while but this thread has brought them back to mind. It sad when a life is lost. But we can never change what has happened.
Yours
Calley xHope for everything and expect nothing!!!
Good enough is almost always good enough -Prof Barry Schwartz
If it scares you, it might be a good thing to try -Seth Godin0 -
They are all tragic things that have happened. But I had two choices, could have wallowed in each one of them. Or go and have the best life I could.
Yours
Calley x
It was also the fallout, they lost custody of their newborn child as the maternal grandparents didn't like my family (snobs is putting it lightly) my family had chinese whispers saying we did it because being on benefits meant we were in a gang basically, and on drugs, had no intention of working etc, and long term family friends shunned us even though it wasn't my portion of the family related.
Walking down the street and having people say "thats that guy from the family that murdered that girl" or whispers again like we were all in a gang, on drugs, criminals never out of jail etc.
The maternal grandparents would leave us nasty voicemessages saying they knew we were involved too, but police ignored it.
Sorry to bring back your own memories, a few people I know from school died too, some from drugs, some from accidents but I wasn't that close to them.0
This discussion has been closed.
Confirm your email address to Create Threads and Reply

Categories
- All Categories
- 350.8K Banking & Borrowing
- 253.1K Reduce Debt & Boost Income
- 453.5K Spending & Discounts
- 243.8K Work, Benefits & Business
- 598.7K Mortgages, Homes & Bills
- 176.8K Life & Family
- 257.1K Travel & Transport
- 1.5M Hobbies & Leisure
- 16.1K Discuss & Feedback
- 37.6K Read-Only Boards