Child free by choice?

gingercordial

I'm another woman who has always known I did not want children. I was quite vocal about this even when I was a child myself! I expressed so much dislike of the idea that my mother even used to say if I ended up with a child she'd have to take it away and raise it herself.

My feelings never changed even though my reasons why (and there's a long, long list - from my own selfishness and love of a lie-in, a real horror of the physical side of pregnancy, planetary overcrowding, and above all just plain not wanting to) have crystallised over time.

At the age of 30 I requested a sterilisation and actually had very little problem getting one; I was quite surprised at how easy it was. I had made sure to mention it to my doctor at regular check-ups for repeat prescriptions of the Pill for a year or two - I asked him to note it down each time so it would be documented - then once I turned 30 I asked him if he would refer me and without any argument he did. I had it done within three months of asking. I'm now 36.

I am lucky that I have never fallen for a man who wanted children - both my husband and ex-husband didn't want them either. That must be hard if couples disagree. I don't think I could have gone through with having a child because a partner wanted one - but equally would I have been strong enough to leave someone I loved over this? I am thankful it was never an issue for me.

That said I have mellowed somewhat but only in terms of not being so rigid/black and white in my thinking and realising that sometimes you have to roll with the punches and deal with what life throws at you. So do I still think that having a child would be the worst thing in the world? No, I'd cope if I had to, millions do. Do I want one? Absolutely not.

My brother has a child and so my parents get their grandchild fix that way and there's never been any pressure on me. My colleagues do ask some inappropriate questions but I've never yet had the balls to do the running off crying thing to teach them a lesson!

I do wonder who I will have to help me if I'm old and alone but you can't rely on your children to do that anyway. I will just have to try to make sure all the money I save now goes to funding a comfortable retirement with paid-for carers if necessary. Fingers crossed...

katiekittykat

moneyistooshorttomention wrote: »

You've got an obvious answer in your position - and I would be very tempted to go "Okay - you think I should have children - well I've got that spinal cord problem. So are you saying you will volunteer to be a surrogate for me then? Thought not....:cool:"

ha ha love it xx

Gavin83

catkins wrote: »

A poster wondered if men got less grief about remaining childfree than woman. I would say they definitely do. I lost count of how many rude, ignorant comments were made to me about not having children and yet my husband never had any comments made to him

I've had a fair few. As well as my parents going on about it I've had others, mainly work colleagues asking when I'm having some and telling me I'll change my mind. It's certainly not exclusively aimed at women but I do accept women probably get it worse as society deems it less acceptable for them not to be a parent.

moneyistooshorttomention

Personally - I'm cynical enough to be well aware of the number of women who think men should go along with any decision they make about having children (whether the men like it or no) and that may be why women are asked more (ie as the assumption is "....and the man in your life will go along with it - even if he doesnt get HIS share of the say about it".

Which is rather sexist - as men have just as much right as women to make their own decisions about such important matters - rather than many people assuming they will go along with a womans decision regardless (ie the "If he didnt want one - then he shoulda have worn a condom" brigade - who always totally disregard the fact that he can't decide to have an abortion, unlike the woman).

Pollycat

moneyistooshorttomention wrote: »

Personally - I'm cynical enough to be well aware of the number of women who think men should go along with any decision they make about having children (whether the men like it or no) and that may be why women are asked more (ie as the assumption is "....and the man in your life will go along with it - even if he doesnt get HIS share of the say about it".

Which is rather sexist - as men have just as much right as women to make their own decisions about such important matters - rather than many people assuming they will go along with a womans decision regardless.

I think the reason is more likely to be because it's the woman who carries the child for 9 months. :cool:

Redacted

I always said I never wanted children. I’m not maternal. I’ve never found other people’s children cute. My uterus has never cried over prams and baby socks. When my oh’s family asked when we were having children, I said never. I was very candid about it.

My daughter is currently 4 months old. My partner was always upfront that he wanted children. We just kept putting the conversation off for another time. We were young. We didn’t need to make the choice. At the age of 33 I agreed to stop preventing pregnancy and let the chips fall as they would. I would not be obsessing over ovulation or seeking medical intervention if we failed to conceive - what would be would be. I fell pregnant after 2 months.

I spent my entire pregnancy terrified. The most annoying question on earth at that time was “are you excited?” No, no I am not.

I love my daughter but boy it’s hard work. It’s all the things I thought it would be that put me off children. I’m shattered, it’s monotonous and it takes all the time I have. Mine and my partner’s relationship has taken a back burner to our new all consuming roles. There are these little moments of joy, like when she smiles or laughs, but it’s mostly just hard. I have made it clear having one is my compromise. I’m not willing to do this again. I don’t regret having my daughter - I love looking at her tiny face - but I would have been quite happy never having children.

Pollycat

Redacted wrote: »

I always said I never wanted children. I’m not maternal. I’ve never found other people’s children cute. My uterus has never cried over prams and baby socks. When my oh’s family asked when we were having children, I said never. I was very candid about it.

My daughter is currently 4 months old. My partner was always upfront that he wanted children. We just kept putting the conversation off for another time. We were young. We didn’t need to make the choice. At the age of 33 I agreed to stop preventing pregnancy and let the chips fall as they would. I would not be obsessing over ovulation or seeking medical intervention if we failed to conceive - what would be would be. I fell pregnant after 2 months.

I spent my entire pregnancy terrified. The most annoying question on earth at that time was “are you excited?” No, no I am not.

I love my daughter but boy it’s hard work. It’s all the things I thought it would be that put me off children. I’m shattered, it’s monotonous and it takes all the time I have. Mine and my partner’s relationship has taken a back burner to our new all consuming roles. There are these little moments of joy, like when she smiles or laughs, but it’s mostly just hard. I have made it clear having one is my compromise. I’m not willing to do this again. I don’t regret having my daughter - I love looking at her tiny face - but I would have been quite happy never having children.

I can understand someone changing their mind when they're in a relationship with someone who wants children i.e in your case.
I'd guess that if a couple were both of the same mind and both didn't want children, it's probably less likely that they'd change their minds.

Loz01

I'm 31 and child free and to be honest, I can see myself staying that way!!! I dont feel old enough to have a child still :rotfl: - i find it crazy when I meet people who are my age and they have a 12/13 year old, I wouldnt feel qualified. I like my niece and nephew of course but just the thought of being pregnant sightly freaks me out!!!! It seems so.... Alien the movie haha. No offence to pregnant people.

stokesley

Pollycat wrote: »

I think the reason is more likely to be because it's the woman who carries the child for 9 months. :cool:

And that's the easy bit...

Jackmydad

We're a couple both around 60. been married for 40 years.
No children.
No regrets.
It's nothing at all to do with anyone else including close family. It's a couple's own choice.
If you want children then have them. If not then don't.
We're fortunate enough to have the choice in this age.