Child free by choice?

zagfles

zaffi wrote: »

Interesting article in the guardian today titled "Home ownership among young adults has 'collapsed', study finds"


"New research from the Institute for Fiscal Studies shows how an explosion in house prices above income growth has increasingly robbed the younger generation of the ability to buy their own home. For 25- to 34-year-olds earning between £22,200 and £30,600 per year, home ownership fell to just 27% in 2016 from 65% two decades ago."


this coupled with increasingly high private rents is only going to mean one thing, 20 somethings are going to be more likely to stay at home with their parents for longer to save for a deposit.

Yes that's 2 decades ago - the problem was rises between about 1997-2007, rather than the last 10 years which the previous article was measuring.

Hopefully one of the few advantages of Brexit will be lower house prices

Haylescom

Really interesting thread!
I'm 34, getting married this year and no desire to have children. I have friends with teenagers, some pregnant friends and others who don't want children. In fact the number without children and no urge to have them is quite high.

I have UC, which can be passed on, and I don't like the thought of that happening. The whole process of being pregnant and giving birth doesn't appeal to me either!

I love children; I'm a primary school teacher. But babies are not for me! OH and I have talked about adopting in the future. We've had numerous discussions about having a baby, as I don't want him to think that once we're married I'll change my mind. He's completely happy with this.

I spoke to my boss recently who said she had not wanted children until she separated from her 1st husband. It was almost like having the chance taken away had flicked a switch. I split from a partner after a 10 year relationship and this never crossed my mind.

I find the questioning/nagging rude. I've made a choice but, for some friends who've been struggling to conceive and want nothing more than to have a baby those questions are hurtful. You don't know what that person is going through!

I'm expecting the questions to ramp up after the wedding, especially from MIL who has already been pointing out cots in shops!

FWIW my sister is 33 and lives with our parents. We live in West Essex and she's reluctant to rent but unable to get a mortgage on her own.

FBaby

Is your family name Targaryen by any chance?

ha ha, no. My grandparents met during the war, my grandfather a soldier, my grandmother helping in a recover house (or whatever they were called) where my grandfather was sent for convalescence. My grand mother married very young, then divorced and enjoyed being a single woman for 15 years, having no interest in having children until the war started. I don't know why my grandfather never married/had children before he met my grandmother.

They married when she was 40, she fell pregnant a year later but miscarried, another 3 years went by, she got pregnant at 44 and gave birth to a very healthy child at full term shortly after she turned 45. My grand father died when my mum was 28, my grand mother when she was 36. My friend's mum had her when she was 38, she is now 88 and still travelling abroad and very independent.

Red-Squirrel_2

FBaby wrote:

My grandmother was 45, grand father 50 when they had my sister

FBaby wrote: »

ha ha, no. My grandparents met during the war, my grandfather a soldier, my grandmother helping in a recover house (or whatever they were called) where my grandfather was sent for convalescence. My grand mother married very young, then divorced and enjoyed being a single woman for 15 years, having no interest in having children until the war started. I don't know why my grandfather never married/had children before he met my grandmother.

They married when she was 40, she fell pregnant a year later but miscarried, another 3 years went by, she got pregnant at 44 and gave birth to a very healthy child at full term shortly after she turned 45. My grand father died when my mum was 28, my grand mother when she was 36. My friend's mum had her when she was 38, she is now 88 and still travelling abroad and very independent.

I think they were more wondering how your grandparents managed to be your sister's parents. :cool:

yellow218

Fbaby. I think the comment was due to you saying that your grandparents had your sister.

I!!!8217;m sure that!!!8217;s not what you meant, but.....

Smodlet

Thanks, FBaby, for taking that in the spirit in which it was meant. I did know it was a typo but just could not resist.

WibblyGirly

I don't plan to have any children. My partner knew about it from our first date (no point wasting time in a relationship where we would differ to extremes). He's had a few wobbles about children but has now settled on not being bothered either way.
Fortunately my parents, and his, aren't bothered about grandchildren and don't ask about it. Most of my friends are actually childless too which wasn't on purpose as we've known each other since school, its just happened that way.

FBaby

Red-Squirrel wrote: »

I think they were more wondering how your grandparents managed to be your sister's parents. :cool:

Ha ha, totally passed me by Got my grand mother, mother and sister all confused! My mum was 42 when she had my sister.

Snakey

I'm 45 and have never wanted kids. If I'd had one "just in case" when I was your age, I'd be sitting here this evening with a fifteen-year-old that I would never at any point have regretted not having had - if only I'd known. (And spent every single day since 2003 raising that kid. Think of how long ago that was, of all the things you've done since then. 5,475 days - and counting - dedicated to a mission that I didn't need to have bothered with. Everything else in all of that time having to take second place, being done around the edges or not at all.)

Of course there'd be no way of Alternative Life Snakey knowing that. One of the wonderful things about human beings is the ability to adapt to the situation they find themselves in, and to make the best of things, and I've no reason to believe that I'd have been unhappy with parenthood... I'm sure it has its consolations... but I don't wish I'd done it instead of all the things I did do.

My will leaves everything to my sister, and my LPAs name her as well. If she dies first, or we both live so long that it becomes a daft idea, I'll reconsider it then. No point trying to guess today who will be in my life in forty years' time.

Everybody dies alone, and you're taking a gamble if you have children (or, indeed, get married) in the expectation that the payback will be lots of care and company in your old age. A moment's thought comes up with a ton of reasons why it might not work out that way. You have to see that as an added bonus if it happens, not as part of the deal.

In any case, by the time you are old, who knows what old age will be like? Look back fifty years and see the things that weren't available then but that we now take for granted (only three television channels, and they didn't even have microwaves!). Even if you were old today you wouldn't need a middle-aged daughter popping round to make sure you're alright and see if you want anything from the shops, thanks to smartphones and the internet and supermarket deliveries. Now look forward fifty years and imagine what might be not just possible but everyday normal.

One thing you might want to consider is expanding your social circle. Otherwise the next decade contains the worst of both worlds, as despite having no such restrictions yourselves you'll be stuck with family-friendly activities and be expected to fit around everybody else's childrens' routines (and with plans changed or cancelled at the last minute despite having had to be arranged six weeks in advance). Much better all round if parents-of-young-children become one of your possible options for socialising outside your relationship, rather than your only hope.

Don't get suckered in to justifying your decision, just say "no, we don't want kids" and leave it at that. You don't have to be doing something deeply meaningful with your lives instead, and nor do you have to make a point of saying how much you adore your nieces and nephews (or any other children. Most parents don't like other people's kids, they just pretend to for the sake of their own or their childrens' friendships, so there's no reason why you should be some sort of saint in that respect). All of that defensive stuff just reinforces the idea that your choices are inferior, when actually your position should be that they're just as valid as anybody else's.

Oh and also, if you change your mind in a few years, so be it. It still wouldn't mean that you should have gone for it age 29 when you didn't want to.

Mummyel

To be fair, you are only just 30. I had my first at 25 but often think I have not got as far career wise as I may otherwise have got (love my children to bits - no judgement please), now I'll be starting out with it again when I'm 40 and work wise probably over the hill...hmmm

I have a few friends that had children at 40...in fact I am one of the 'young' mums at school (i'm 33!) If you hold off until you're 40 you will fit right in. Some people just don't want them. My sister is 29 and there's no stopping her, she has a very full life and I don't see her having babes any time soon.