Self help thread. I am a widow coping getting on with it

Elona_2

LL

There is a quote somewhere like , " Stale, flat and unprofitless" which sums up how I sometimes feel. It is not as if I do not see joy in anything just that the "Ooomph" is gone

I enjoyed having two dds, sil and bf over for lunch which we ate in the garden. DD's BF unpacked the china cabinet from the big box for me and they are going to research how to attach it safely to a wall. They even did some weeding and moved some boxes for me.

Older dd tried on the maternity clothes and there was one dress she really liked so took that back with her and I will return the others for a refund. She and sil checked the boxes for the baby travel system to make sure they had everything there and then we stored them safely in the integral garage. We are all getting really excited now and she can't wait to go on maternity leave at the end of the month.

Dishwasher is loaded and I am going to have a quiet evening watching telly with my feet up. I still have two huge laundry baskets of clean things to sort but that can wait as I planned to do it yesterday but had a visit form a neighbour and several long phone calls from dds.

I told dds that my bedroom was a mess and they sweetly pointed out it has looked like a Chinese laundry for over a year!!! (Not the same laundry!!) They also reassured me that they understood it meant the rest of the downstairs (public area) looked good. I wonder how people manage to live double lives, bigamy etc as I get away with nothing!!

Hugs to all

Savvy_Sue

Coach trips: my mum did a few but what she found she didn't like were the ones where you changed hotel every night or every other night: too much packing and unpacking, and quite a few early starts.

She was happier taking a coach to one hotel and staying there, going out on day trips from the one base.

Just a thought for your cogitations ...

pollypenny

We love coach tours and have just come pack from the Balkans. We saw places we would never have managed ourselves.

We had a mixture of one night/ two night stays. No need to unpack: use clear plastic bags to differentiate garments. They work like drawers and then it is very easy to fish out what you need.

[Deleted User]

I must say that the very best holiday we ever had was on a coach tour, it wasn`t the very expensive exotic titan holiday to malaysia or the ones in france or italy, moving from hotel to hotel. We went to lake garda on a gold coach and it was sublime. I do know that I will be taking coach holidays in future and the company most local to me even does home pick up.

lessonlearned

Oooh lovely thanks for the feedback re coaches....very helpful, especially the tip about see through bags for packing. On a slightly different topic I bought 5 very large see through storage bags from Ikea for when I move. I thought they would come in useful for clothes and linens when I move because like you say you can see at a glance what is in them without having to rummage through.

Anyway back to the coaches, I though I would try a couple of short uk breaks first and see what I think. Then I would love to try maybe the Italian lakes. It would be great to go through the Alps rather than fly over them.

I can throughly recommend the film I went to see last night. The Book Club. Easy and lighthearted, made my friend and I chuckle. Which is more than can be said for The Hanmaids Tale which I'm watching on tv. Now that is depressing....but at the same time very compelling.

Off to see the bungalow again this afternoon. DS2 is coming along too. I want him to measure the room heights to see if my wardrobes will fit plus I could do with refreshing my memory on a couple of points.

I also need to try and find out if the lady has made adequate
provision and can actually sign everything, her husband has Alzheimer's. I noticed on the memorandum of sale that the house is In joint names. Before I spend any money on surveys I have to ensure that either he is still compus mentis and can sign over the house or that she has POA. She does seem very stressed and rather confused and appears to be quite alone trying to sort everything out.

I mentioned this to my solicitors secretary last week and asked her to just draw the solicitors attention to this so it could be checked out sooner rather than it coming to light further down the line and causing problems. She just tried to fob me off..........

.All very well but she isn't the one who stands to lose money on abortive fees and costs if Mrs Seller doesn't have the legal right to sell the property because Mr Seller is incapacitated and cant give written consent. It is Mrs Seller and myself who will suffer the consequences if it all falls apart. And I know Mrs Seller is starting to feel financial pressure.....it's why she's selling.....

Hey ho.....just another hurdle to overcome.

pollypenny

I should also have said that with Cosmos and Saga the tour managers treat us as intelligent adults and we actually learn lots of information about the various places - from history to politics and GDP.

In fact, I get to hope there is not a test at the end.

This also means we meet like-minded people, those also interested in more than gawping at sites. There are always singles who mix in with the rest, unless they wish to be more alone.

lessonlearned

Thanks Polly.....yes that's one of my pet hates too. Some tour guides are extremely knowledgeable and do an excellent job of imparting information, others less so.

I do actually prefer not to be "herded round" iyswim but as a solo woman I can see the value of being in a group for safety. I would love to be able to just strike out on my own, completely independent without the back up of a group but I don't feel up to that yet. Perhaps one day I will morph into Freya Stark and just head off into the wide blue yonder by myself......:rotfl:

Well went to see the bungalow again. Saw lots of things I'd missed first time round, mostly good just a couple of minor niggles. Obviously I will still have a full survey done.

My son was a bit sniffy. I could see he didn't really like it but as we've said before it is going to be my home this time not his. So I am going to trust my gut instinct, it feels "right". I know I can make it really lovely. I think he is just struggling to see past the clutter and cobwebs. :rotfl:

I appreciate what he's saying ......30s bungalows don't generally have the same natural elegance as a nice Victorian townhouse and I think He is just struggling to envisage what I have in mind for it. However, the rooms are well proportioned with nice high ceilings, and, unusual for a bungalow, a really good sized kitchen and adjoining dining area. I can turn that into a really fabulous open plan living space, just need to knock a small half wall out.

I agree it's currently quite gloomy but it won't be when I'm done. I can make it a very pretty and feminine Hollywood style "cottage" - just like you see in the movies.

One of my first jobs will be to remove a line of very high conifers and several trees and overgrown shrubs and just let in some light.

I noticed Mrs Seller is very stooped and rather unsteady. I just think she can't do much any more, plus she's had all the trials of looking after her husband. She visits him every day and I know how tiring and draining that can be

The mess doesn't faze me at all. I shall just get a cleaning company in whilst it's empty and before I move my stuff in and get them to deal with the worst. I will put my stuff in storage for a few days and just stay in a Hotel. (Have a little mini break in my own city). :rotfl:

She has actually had quite a lot done, new boiler, hard landscaping, new turfing. She had even had new fencing put up since my last visit. All these things cost money so unless the survey uncovers something really nasty I think it's mainly all cosmetic and notvtoo wildly expensive. As long as I get it deep cleaned first then I can move in and take my time.

I broached the subject of her husband's mental competence. I apologised for asking but she was completely unfazed and said that's ok of course you need to know now before you proceed any further.

Anyway she admitted he had gone downhill very fast and they had arranged for her to have full power of attorney just as soon as they realised how quickly his illness was taking hold. He was a doctor so I think they have been able to be very practical and matter of fact about his illness.

Actually she had some photos out, and I recognised him. He wasnt just a GP, he had been a consultant at the hospital, a brilliant man. So terribly sad. Dementia is truly awful.

pollypenny

That bungalow sounds like a real prospect, LL. We live in a bungalow, as it was one of just three suitable properties when we were moving into this school catchment area.

It is not pokey, though p, and I suppose we are growing into it. No need to move, although the garden is too big.

Elona_2

LL

I know what you mean about family being dubious of our ideas. Mine are still amazed at the difference that laminate flooring being put down in a light shade in the hall kitchen/diner and conservatory has made, never mind knocking the kitchen and dining room into one etc.

It does sound as if a lot of expensive work has already been done at the bungalow and that they are likely to have had things done properly which is such a good thing and I know you can have it looking lovely,

I dragged out the small ladder to change a tiny new light bulb in the lights over my bed but realised I could not see what I was doing and the bed was in the way so will concentrate on getting the bedroom tidied and sorted out and then get son in law to change bulbs next time they visit. It would be stupid to risk a fall by trying to balance on the bed.

Hugs to all

[Deleted User]

oh yes elona, balancing to reach high, on a bed, not a good idea, says she who is always up a ladder but not if it feels at all wobbly and a tall single ladder is always secured with rope otherwise I don`t do it


I have alerts for 16 areas and 4 are market towns so all in all there must be a few thousand homes but I am lucky if I get 2 a day and often they look as though they are new sells but simply re-entered to look as though they haven`t been on sale for long


I kind of had that similar feeling of `is that it` when I had finished my school exams, having had a life of not-quite drudgery being the oldest of 7. School was great, had good friends and adventures but it was so hollow afterwards. All I could see ahead was a life of cooking, cleaning, children but that was all I knew and my parents worked so hard for so little and remained poor. I got myself out of that feeling but if I had just sat then that is what my life would have been and it feels similar right now, so easy to sit and accept getting older but that will not be my future. It will be what I make it