How would you feel?

need_an_answer

Next time your husband visits his mother,take some time off,go with him and suggest you both go out with the female friend.

How your husband reacts to that suggestion might give you a better idea if you need to be worried.

Maybe she is an old family friend,an acquaintance of both he and his mother so there is a shared connection there.

My assumption is that if he would be happy for you to meet then there is not much to feel insecure about.

fairy_lights

Comms69 wrote: »

The OP used the word attractive, since when does that mean 'jump into bed with'?

You're a bloke, aren't you?

Comms69

fairy_lights wrote: »

You're a bloke, aren't you?

Yes, what's that got to do with it?

andygb

debsue wrote: »

It is the not telling me that i have an issue with. He has been also talking on facetime to a woman he met on FB. Everything behind my back.

I have to admit that I would never do that to my OH, and if I did then it would be wrong.
I have socialised with people from work before, but my OH always knows about it.
I have never struck up live conversations with people I have met on social media, other than PM's thanking them or discussing a topic away from the main forums.
I think that you may have to confront him about it - calmly.

need_an_answer

I don't tell my husband about all my friends and even less discuss conversations I have with them,with him unless I think it would be something he would be interested in.

same goes I assume for he and his work colleagues.

But there is a trust between us where neither of us would do anything to intentionally upset the other.

OP what is it that is actually making you feel insecure about this meeting or the conversations he is having without telling you?

Has he a history of "roving eye" or whatever?

The key is communication in a non confrontational manner.
Talk to him.

andygb

need_an_answer wrote: »

I don't tell my husband about all my friends and even less discuss conversations I have with them,with him unless I think it would be something he would be interested in.

same goes I assume for he and his work colleagues.

But there is a trust between us where neither of us would do anything to intentionally upset the other.

OP what is it that is actually making you feel insecure about this meeting or the conversations he is having without telling you?

Has he a history of "roving eye" or whatever?

The key is communication in a non confrontational manner.
Talk to him.

Trust is a good thing, but how would you feel if he was going out with other women - taking them to dinner - without telling you, and talking with them on social media behind your back?

need_an_answer

andygb wrote: »

Trust is a good thing, but how would you feel if he was going out with other women - taking them to dinner - without telling you, and talking with them on social media behind your back?

I'm sure he speaks to lots of people on social media and FB without telling me ,in the same way that I don't show him every post I make on sites such as this.
Everything has to be taken in context do you go home and recount every conversation you have with others technically behind your partners back during the working day?

Doubt surfaces when one partner feels excluded and potentially the OP is feeling excluded.

My OH has a very mixed social circuit and has often taken colleagues to dinner when working away simply to avoid them both "eating alone" when both away from family.

Yep that's where the trust comes in,on both sides because whats to say I'm not at home doing the same thing!!!

The difference being perhaps that I do know his work colleagues,been introduced to them,attend functions when spouses permit so there is never a feeling of insecurity on my part.

it probably helps that we have far too much bonding us together and far too much shared history to be worrying about "finding someone else"

I suppose I am potentially at a different life stage to the OP and possibly you also,5 years into our marriage and probably I would have acted in exactly the same manner as the OP.
But a few more years down the line and the insecurities probably blend into lots of other things and become far less important.

I'm happy,he's happy

But in the case of the OP she is clearly insecure about the situation she finds herself in.
Hence the need to talk to her OH

CurlySue2017

Judi wrote: »

I must be a dragon then cause i wouldnt be very happy. No apologies for it either.

In that case, I am also a dragon

SuperPikachu

debsue wrote: »

My partners mother has been ill and as we live quite a way away, he has been visiting whilst I work.

I have just discovered that whilst on one of these visits he took a friend of a friend (female) out to dinner. I must have spoken to him that night and he has never mentioned it. I know he finds her attractive.

Is it unreasonable to be upset?
Thanks

How did you find this out?

BorisThomson

When is infidelity infidelity?

There's a much bigger issue than a one off meal with a friend, isn't there?

No one can give an opinion on half the story.