How would you feel?

debsue

My partners mother has been ill and as we live quite a way away, he has been visiting whilst I work.

I have just discovered that whilst on one of these visits he took a friend of a friend (female) out to dinner. I must have spoken to him that night and he has never mentioned it. I know he finds her attractive.

Is it unreasonable to be upset?
Thanks

Comms69

Dinner? Well I wouldn't be upset about that. I find dozens of people attractive, but I'm not interested in any of them. Attraction is involuntary.

fairy_lights

How did you find out about it?
Having dinner with a female friend on it's own wouldn't bother me, but I would find it very strange that he didn't mention it. As this woman isn't even his friend, but rather a 'friend of a friend' I would also be questioning how it even came about.

System

I must be a dragon then cause i wouldnt be very happy. No apologies for it either.

Oakdene

If your OH said 'I'm planning on popping out for dinner & a catch up with <insert name of friend here> I wouldn't have an issue, actually even if they didn't tell me direct I wouldn't have an issue.

bagpussbear

It depends. How did you discover they went to dinner? How do you know he finds her attractive?

Does he usually tell you everything he does?

Dinner in itself isn't a worry, but you are obviously a little anxious, why?

debsue

bagpussbear wrote: »

It depends. How did you discover they went to dinner? How do you know he finds her attractive?

Does he usually tell you everything he does?

Dinner in itself isn't a worry, but you are obviously a little anxious, why?

It is the not telling me that i have an issue with. He has been also talking on facetime to a woman he met on FB. Everything behind my back.

hazyjo

Depends.

Have they always been friends or is it a recent thing?

Has he told you before when he's met her?

Is she single?

Do you trust him?

My ex had a lot of female friends from work - he was a teacher. Yes, he fancied one or two. Didn't bother me particularly that he saw them outside of work but some of the things they said to me when we were all out and at our wedding peed me off slightly.

I have a very close male friend at work who I go out with occasionally - my OH isn't keen, but he's my best friend at work and probably the only one I'd keep in touch with if I left.

copperclock

No, it's not unreasonable to be upset if he went out with somebody he fancied and apparently kept it from you.

Edit: I (mis)read 'attracted to' in the original post

Comms69

The OP used the word attractive, since when does that mean 'jump into bed with'?

bagpussbear

debsue wrote: »

It is the not telling me that i have an issue with. He has been also talking on facetime to a woman he met on FB. Everything behind my back.

I would be upset over the dinner thing to be honest.

But given this other situation of him facetiming another woman, I think the dinner is the least of your worries. Any secretive behaviour in a relationship is never a good sign.

Sounds like he is emotionally checking out of your relationship somewhat. You need to have a good talk with him.