How would you feel?

NeilCr

How would I feel?

It wouldn’t bother me as I trust her and she trusts me.

As has been demonstrated on threads like this before different people will have different views dependent on how their own relationships work.

Tabbytabitha

I'm probably old fashioned but, for me, going out to dinner with someone you find attractive is a date, which I don't think's acceptable when you're in a relationship.

need_an_answer

Tabbytabitha wrote: »

I'm probably old fashioned but, for me, going out to dinner with someone you find attractive is a date, which I don't think's acceptable when you're in a relationship.

I would put myself as somewhat old fashioned too, however I have a few very attractive friends,whom I have dined with,whilst I am still very much married.

Am I to stop meeting them even though nothing untoward has ever happened just because I am in very longstanding relationship with the man I chose to marry.

That's the difference.Im committed to him,but it doesn't or shouldn't stop me from sharing a meal or a coffee with other friends.attractive or not.
I'm led to believe I have at least one attractive male friend,so my other friends say,but I just see the little kid who I knocked round with when we were 7!

So what happens if the person you share dinner with looks like a troll,but has a great personality and you click that way,does that make it a date or not?

debsue

need_an_answer wrote: »

I would put myself as somewhat old fashioned too, however I have a few very attractive friends,whom I have dined with,whilst I am still very much married.

Am I to stop meeting them even though nothing untoward has ever happened just because I am in very longstanding relationship with the man I chose to marry.

That's the difference.Im committed to him,but it doesn't or shouldn't stop me from sharing a meal or a coffee with other friends.attractive or not.
I'm led to believe I have at least one attractive male friend,so my other friends say,but I just see the little kid who I knocked round with when we were 7!


So what happens if the person you share dinner with looks like a troll,but has a great personality and you click that way,does that make it a date or not?

The point is he didnt mention it. I would have spoken to him that night and he did not say a thing. I feel it is deception by omission

need_an_answer

debsue wrote: »

The point is he didnt mention it. I would have spoken to him that night and he did not say a thing. I feel it is deception by omission

I can understand you feeling the deception,but to him it may be an insignificant thing that he didn't think to tell you about. Some men don't always think in the same way as women and certainly don't analyse things in the same way.

You need to tell him how you feel and see what he says.

You need to let him know you were uncomfortable.
That's why I earlier suggested you meet her.

How long have you been together ?

Tabbytabitha

NeilCr wrote: »

How would I feel?

It wouldn’t bother me as I trust her and she trusts me.

As has been demonstrated on threads like this before different people will have different views dependent on how their own relationships work.

need_an_answer wrote: »

I would put myself as somewhat old fashioned too, however I have a few very attractive friends,whom I have dined with,whilst I am still very much married.

Am I to stop meeting them even though nothing untoward has ever happened just because I am in very longstanding relationship with the man I chose to marry.

That's the difference.Im committed to him,but it doesn't or shouldn't stop me from sharing a meal or a coffee with other friends.attractive or not.
I'm led to believe I have at least one attractive male friend,so my other friends say,but I just see the little kid who I knocked round with when we were 7!

So what happens if the person you share dinner with looks like a troll,but has a great personality and you click that way,does that make it a date or not?

There's a difference between having attractive friends and having friends you find attractive, i.e. fancy them.

NeilCr

Tabbytabitha wrote: »

There's a difference between having attractive friends and having friends you find attractive, i.e. fancy them.

Well, yes. But you can’t turn off being attracted to someone - what you can do is control how you act.

My best friend is absolutely stunning. She is. also a very attractive person - kind, funny, warm, vibrant. I am attracted to her as are most of the men who meet her. She, like me, is in a strong, stable relationship and the two of us meet regularly for lunch. We also go out as couples with our respective partners and in groups.

She knows I am attracted to her, I am sure her partner is aware (he gets used to it) and my partner knows. Indeed, she said to me a while back that she wouldn’t believe me if I said I wasn’t attracted to her!

But everything runs smoothly as we all understand how it works and that absolutely nothing is going to happen.

That’s us. I understand others work differently. As for the OP, yet again, we have someone who doesn’t answer questions.

As others have said, if she is unhappy, then she needs to have the conversation. What we all think is immaterial

copperclock

NeilCr wrote: »

Well, yes. But you can’t turn off being attracted to someone - what you can do is control how you act.

My best friend is absolutely stunning. She is. also a very attractive person - kind, funny, warm, vibrant. I am attracted to her as are most of the men who meet her. She, like me, is in a strong, stable relationship and the two of us meet regularly for lunch. We also go out as couples with our respective partners and in groups.

She knows I am attracted to her, I am sure her partner is aware (he gets used to it) and my partner knows. Indeed, she said to me a while back that she wouldn’t believe me if I said I wasn’t attracted to her!

But everything runs smoothly as we all understand how it works and that absolutely nothing is going to happen.

That’s us. I understand others work differently. As for the OP, yet again, we have someone who doesn’t answer questions.

As others have said, if she is unhappy, then she needs to have the conversation. What we all think is immaterial

I find this interesting. I am not attracted to anyone who isn't my husband, regardless of how attractive they are. I just don't fancy anyone apart from him.

Mojisola

debsue wrote: »

I have just discovered that whilst on one of these visits he took a friend of a friend (female) out to dinner. I must have spoken to him that night and he has never mentioned it.

debsue wrote: »

He has been also talking on facetime to a woman he met on FB. Everything behind my back.

Have you got a history of being jealous and he just thinks it easier not to tell you than have you get upset when there's no reason to be?

Or has he got a history of not being trustworthy which is why you're being sensitive?

How did you find out about the two women?

unholyangel

hazyjo wrote: »

Depends.

Have they always been friends or is it a recent thing?

Has he told you before when he's met her?

Is she single?

Do you trust him?

My ex had a lot of female friends from work - he was a teacher. Yes, he fancied one or two. Didn't bother me particularly that he saw them outside of work but some of the things they said to me when we were all out and at our wedding peed me off slightly.

I have a very close male friend at work who I go out with occasionally - my OH isn't keen, but he's my best friend at work and probably the only one I'd keep in touch with if I left.

What does that matter? Cheating is always done by those in a relationship, so why does her being single have any bearing on the situation?

For one thing its common for long term cheaters to only cheat with other people who are in a long term relationship because a single person has nothing to lose by telling your wife/husband/partner that you've been cheating on them while someone in a relationship would risk losing their own relationship too.

As for people getting hung up on the attractive thing.....I admit I don't watch jeremy kyle or jerry springer (are they even still on?) but the little I have seen leads me to believe that attractive people don't have affairs. Of course thats tongue in cheek as attractive people will cheat too, just trying to highlight that the attractiveness of the other person isn't what makes your partner cheat.


That being said, a lot of insecure people accurate their partner of cheating when they aren't. Not the kind of thing you can really call from just a few tidbits.