When is infidelity infidelity?

debsue

A friend has discovered that her husband has been flirting with a random woman he met on FB. This has been done over messenger and has been going on for a while. She knew that they were chatting but had no idea that it had become flirty, she has now discovered that they are facetiming when she is not home. She says this is as bad as an affair, I say not, what do you think?

Malthusian

If he is making it clear that he is attracted to her and vice versa then it is an affair. If you are asking whether it is as bad as an affair where they are actually having sex, then the answer is no, but it is still bad.

(I am assuming it is actually flirting, as sometimes one person's flirting is another person's jesting banter, but in the absence of the actual messages we have to take the wife's interpretation at face value; the Stewart test applies.)

Artytarty

Not as bad.
Hurtful but hopefully there is a way back.

PeacefulWaters

If it feels like an affair to the betrayed spouse then it's an affair.

glentoran99

Infidelity is in the eye of the person on the receiving end, If the wife finds it unacceptable then it is

bouicca21

An affair in the mind is still an affair.

gabriel1980

I would say not an affair, but I think he's probably seriously considering an affair

suejb2

Take away the medium with which they flirt. Go old style, they write letters to each other and they wait till wife is gone to meet behind her back and it equates to cheating.
Bringing technology into the mix I.M.O doesn't negate the cheating.

Guest101

PeacefulWaters wrote: »

If it feels like an affair to the betrayed spouse then it's an affair.

Really? That's incredibly subjective, no-one can determine or control how another may feel or react to a circumstance.


A reasonable person test is much more useful.


Would a reasonable person be upset - ofcourse
But would they classify it as an affair - well that's the discussion


(for what it's worth, no this isnt an affair imho)

System

I always say if youve gone further than you would like your partner to go than its gone too far.

glentoran99

Guest101 wrote: »

Really? That's incredibly subjective, no-one can determine or control how another may feel or react to a circumstance.


A reasonable person test is much more useful.


Would a reasonable person be upset - ofcourse
But would they classify it as an affair - well that's the discussion


(for what it's worth, no this isnt an affair imho)

You would think this wouldn't be a big ask of a spouse?