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When is infidelity infidelity?

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A friend has discovered that her husband has been flirting with a random woman he met on FB. This has been done over messenger and has been going on for a while. She knew that they were chatting but had no idea that it had become flirty, she has now discovered that they are facetiming when she is not home. She says this is as bad as an affair, I say not, what do you think?
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  • Malthusian
    Malthusian Posts: 10,980 Forumite
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    If he is making it clear that he is attracted to her and vice versa then it is an affair. If you are asking whether it is as bad as an affair where they are actually having sex, then the answer is no, but it is still bad.

    (I am assuming it is actually flirting, as sometimes one person's flirting is another person's jesting banter, but in the absence of the actual messages we have to take the wife's interpretation at face value; the Stewart test applies.)
  • Artytarty
    Artytarty Posts: 2,642 Forumite
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    Not as bad.
    Hurtful but hopefully there is a way back.
    Norn Iron Club member 473
  • PeacefulWaters
    PeacefulWaters Posts: 8,495 Forumite
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    If it feels like an affair to the betrayed spouse then it's an affair.
  • glentoran99
    glentoran99 Posts: 5,821 Forumite
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    Infidelity is in the eye of the person on the receiving end, If the wife finds it unacceptable then it is
  • bouicca21
    bouicca21 Posts: 6,524 Forumite
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    An affair in the mind is still an affair.
  • gabriel1980
    gabriel1980 Posts: 317 Forumite
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    I would say not an affair, but I think he's probably seriously considering an affair
  • suejb2
    suejb2 Posts: 1,918 Forumite
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    Take away the medium with which they flirt. Go old style, they write letters to each other and they wait till wife is gone to meet behind her back and it equates to cheating.
    Bringing technology into the mix I.M.O doesn't negate the cheating.
    Life is like a bath, the longer you are in it the more wrinkly you become.
  • Guest101
    Guest101 Posts: 15,764 Forumite
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    If it feels like an affair to the betrayed spouse then it's an affair.



    Really? That's incredibly subjective, no-one can determine or control how another may feel or react to a circumstance.


    A reasonable person test is much more useful.


    Would a reasonable person be upset - ofcourse
    But would they classify it as an affair - well that's the discussion


    (for what it's worth, no this isnt an affair imho)
  • System
    System Posts: 178,106 Community Admin
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    I always say if youve gone further than you would like your partner to go than its gone too far.
  • glentoran99
    glentoran99 Posts: 5,821 Forumite
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    Guest101 wrote: »
    Really? That's incredibly subjective, no-one can determine or control how another may feel or react to a circumstance.


    A reasonable person test is much more useful.


    Would a reasonable person be upset - ofcourse
    But would they classify it as an affair - well that's the discussion


    (for what it's worth, no this isnt an affair imho)



    You would think this wouldn't be a big ask of a spouse?
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