Wife taking surname

coolcait

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

I liked my husband's name better than mine. However, we were going to double-barrel them, but they sounded ridiculous. So I had the name I liked best.

When I lived in Spain, everyone was amazed I had my husband's name. They don't do it there. Everyone has a double-barrelled name and that stays the same throughout your life. For example, using English names, Ms Smith-Brown marries Mr Jones-Green. They both keep those names, and their children are named Brown-Green. Hence, siblings have the same surname as each other, taking one surname from each of their parents.

This - with a bit of a pedant alert (sorry). The children actually take the father's first surname followed by the mother's first surname - so in your example the children would be Jones-Smith.

When young Mr Jones-Smith grows up and has children with Ms McDonald-Taylor, those children will have the surname Jones-McDonald.

Very entertaining - and helpful - for family history buffs, when the family start playing the 'my full name is' game! (Jones-McDonald-Smith-Taylor-Green-Brown, I think).

p00hsticks

StaffieTerrier wrote: »

Why is it disappointing? The tradition goes back to a time when a woman got married she moved from her parent's home and became the property of her husband. Thank goodness society has progressed since then.

Personally I see retaining my fathers surname rather than taking my husbands a practical convenience rather than a great blow for feminism.

StaffieTerrier

p00hsticks wrote: »

Personally I see retaining my fathers surname rather than taking my husbands a practical convenience rather than a great blow for feminism.

I completely agree! The OP keeps talking about tradition despite having a very modern relationship

amateur_house

I didn't change my name when I married, 20 odd years ago. My in-laws took it badly and insisted on addressing cards and cheques for the kids etc to me as Mrs... I could still pay the cheques into my account, just had to sign the back.

chesky

I married in 1962 and it never occurred to me not to take my husband's name, even though I preferred my maiden name. Back then it seemed that only actresses and writers kept their own surname.

But I was rather disappointed when my daughter married two years ago when she was well over 40, and took her husband's name. It seems so unnecessary nowadays.

maman

amateur_house wrote: »

I didn't change my name when I married, 20 odd years ago. My in-laws took it badly and insisted on addressing cards and cheques for the kids etc to me as Mrs... I could still pay the cheques into my account, just had to sign the back.

I've had that too.
Some people genuinely make the assumption and call/write to me by husband's name but others deliberately use it when they know otherwise because I don't think they approve.

Interestingly phoebe I often use my husband's name when booking restaurants. It's easier to spell! :rotfl:

Fosterdog

If I ever marry OH I’m either keeping my own name or maybe going double barrelled. He knows this and is fine with it, I have a not so much unusual name but it’s certainly not a common name, OH has one of the most common surnames in the country. I just feel like changing from my name to his would be losing part of my identity, I like my name.

I have mentioned him taking mine or us both going double barrelled but he’s not too keen on that idea.

As for the age/generational thing, OH is late 40s and doesn’t see the problem with me keeping my name.

ViolaLass

maman wrote: »

As an aside: For anyone that follows football, there seem to be a number of young British players coming through with double barrelled names.

I'm assuming it's because unmarried parents are becoming commonplace and they want to claim the relationship with both mum and dad.

Being married and having doubled barrelled surnames are not mutually exclusive.

OP, you're worried she's not interested? I would probe that further rather than the surname thing.

Kynthia

Why does she have to prove her commitment to you by sacrificing something? Especially when you wouldn't even consider doing the same?

There are countries in Europe, like Italy, where this isn't done. Plus I have heard of countries where men change their namesonetimes too. The old British way isn't the only way to do things.

Women aren't born with any less attachment to their name then men. There isn't something in the x chromosome that means changing something so fundamental to their identity is easy. Think about how you would feel to be expected to change your name and it's not different to how women can feel. Why are you insecure about this?

consumers_revenge

Says quite happy to get married just feels she's always been that name and doesn't really feel that marriage needs to change it.

Thought tbh honest more people would say they would expect them to want to take the husbands name as they are now married, but I guess people are just not that fussed anymore.