Wife taking surname

LilElvis

I would be interested to know, as the OP seems to be so keen on tradition, why they chose to have children outside of marriage? If he has been happy for the mother of his children to have a different surname to the rest of their family unit for all this time then why does it suddenly become an issue post-wedding?

Kim_13

In the situation (kids with his name) I'd say it is unusual to marry and not change name, but it's a personal thing.

Last of the line and the surname not going well with the first name are among valid reasons to not change it. I would try not to make a big thing out of it but if the opportunity does present itself, ask why she doesn't want to change her name.

If you are traditional then I can see why you might feel a little disappointed, especially as she has followed the tradition of children taking the father's name.

consumers_revenge

In fairness we knew each other for 3 years before we were together.


Then when we were together proposed within 6 weeks.


Due to various ' try to please everyone ' we just carried on as is.


Most of those issues are now no longer there.

BorisThomson

cjdavies wrote: »

Can you take her name?

Asked several times, still no answer ...

consumers_revenge

Never really considered this as an option and don't know of anyone who has so no. ( yes I'm waiting for someone now to say so why should she take yours )

consumers_revenge

also would mean the children taking hers and finishing a family name at me.


Ive seen the poll and willing to accept that it doesn't seem to matter to most so maybe I'm the one overthinking it.


Thank you to all the replies and taking part.

System

consumers_revenge wrote: »

Keep in mind it could be just the generation I was brought up in 45 now.

I also find it 'normal' for the wife and children to have the husband's surname, mainly because that's what everybody in my family and circle of friends do.

Double-barrelling the surname is common in some countries, but the children only get one surname, or where would it end :rotfl:

DUKE

I kept my name & took his, now people call him by my surname

jackieblack

consumers_revenge wrote: »

Never really considered this as an option and don't know of anyone who has

I only know one couple where the husband changed his surname to hers on marriage, (mainly because his family don't have the best reputation in the local community and also due to problems with credit) but I know more couples who've each kept their own name.

I also know a couple who double-barrelled their children's surnames (born prior to marriage) but on marrying wife changed her surname to his and they changed the children's names to drop her name from the double barrel. But another couple I know who double barrelled their children's surnames subsequently married and changed both their names to match the double barrelled surname they'd given their children.
So there's plenty of options and what used to be 'traditional' isn't necessarily 'the norm' anymore.

[Deleted User]

consumers_revenge wrote: »

Never really considered this as an option and don't know of anyone who has so no. ( yes I'm waiting for someone now to say so why should she take yours )

Many years ago friends of ours did this. He had no real connection to his family (and hated his father) and so he was more than happy to change his name to hers. Why does it make any difference if you do not know someone else who has done this?

Also, other friends (two females) when they married they made up a new surname from both of their original surnames. (They spent ages making sure it did not end up being a silly surname and so you would not know it was a made-up one). They decided to do this as they did not fancy having a double-barreled surname.