Wife taking surname

StaffieTerrier

I'm not taking my partners name when we get married. There's a number of reasons why. I like my surname and I'm the last in line with the surname. I don't like his surname, and it would make my name comical. I'd have to continue to use my maiden name professionally and my married surname privately, which would be too much like hard work.

My partner isn't bothered we won't have the same surname. We're not going to double barrel our names together, as it would sound stupid. He doesn't want my surname because he thinks it's common (top 200) whereas his is fairly unusual.

Why does it matter so much to you that she changes her name?

onomatopoeia99

Red-Squirrel wrote: »

Have you thought about taking her surname?

If not, why would you expect her to take yours?

The answer to this is tradition, it remains the most common thing after a marriage between a man aand a woman that the woman takes the man's surname. To the point that when it doesn't happen it's unusual.

I'm not saying that's right or wrong, IMO what should happen is what both parties want, whatever that is, and I personally would be completely not bothered if someone I married wanted to keep her maiden name (I'm 48, which is only relevant as the OP talked about the generation he was brought up in).

elsien

consumers_revenge wrote: »

Keep in mind it could be just the generation I was brought up in 45 now.

I'm older than you. I don't have those assumptions. I think the generational thing doesn't particularly hold water for your age group. Tradition, yes. Being disappointed, nope.

moneyistooshorttomention

elsien wrote: »

I'm older than you. I don't have those assumptions. I think the generational thing doesn't particularly hold water for your age group. Tradition, yes. Being disappointed, nope.

I'm the generation older than OP (in my 60s now) and I've always known I would never change my surname and do wonder why some same age group friends changed theirs to their husbands one.

consumers_revenge

OK fair enough from the feedback.


I probably just see the 'disappointment' from a traditional way.


Also just think signing any forms.

maman

exiled_red wrote: »

My wife and I married 3 years ago and kept our own surnames, I don't see the problem with that. Your name is a big part of your identity I don't see that you need to change it just because you are getting married.

elsien wrote: »

I'm older than you. I don't have those assumptions. I think the generational thing doesn't particularly hold water for your age group. Tradition, yes. Being disappointed, nope.

I think that it's the fact you didn't marry when you were young and impressionable is probably relevant.


I was married briefly when I was young and took my husband's surname as it was the done thing/tradition and being barely out of my teenage years there's still a wish to conform.


Then I grew up. Grew away from my then husband. Progressed in my career and we were divorced.


When I subsequently remarried, my identity (both professional and personal) was very much tied up in the name I'd used for years (ex's name). So I've used that ever since and never changed to my now DH's name.


OP, I think you need to question why you feel as you do.

Marvel1

Can you take her name?

enjoyyourshoes

The double barrelled surname bit, what happens when the children of the DB marry and take partners surname to be triple or quadruple? The the next generation, then next , exponential !

What happens when married couple with different surname have children, what surname do they take, does the girl have the Mothers name and boy the Fathers (of vice versa), or do all children take Mothers Name? or
Fathers?

StaffieTerrier

consumers_revenge wrote: »

OK fair enough from the feedback.


I probably just see the 'disappointment' from a traditional way.


Also just think signing any forms.

Why is it disappointing? The tradition goes back to a time when a woman got married she moved from her parent's home and became the property of her husband. Thank goodness society has progressed since then.

LilElvis

enjoyyourshoes wrote: »

The double barrelled surname bit, what happens when the children of the DB marry and take partners surname to be triple or quadruple? The the next generation, then next , exponential !

What happens when married couple with different surname have children, what surname do they take, does the girl have the Mothers name and boy the Fathers (of vice versa), or do all children take Mothers Name? or
Fathers?

My husband's father dropped their family's double barrelled surname back down to a single one. My husband has the "dropped" surname as his 3rd first name.

I retained my surname when I got married as I couldn't see any reason why I should change it. When our daughter was born the hospital paperwork shows her as "baby Mum's surname" but when we registered her birth we gave her her father's surname. In part the choice of surname for her was to appease our (elderly) parents as we weren't really bothered which name she had.