Not sure what to do

thorsoak

Whether or not you think it is illegal, the fact is that it IS illegal. That is the point on which OP has to base her future. To argue whether or not it is or should be illegal is purely academic.

Tabbytabitha

mummyto_1 wrote: »

No, I haven't asked.

Interesting development yesterday; his brother moved......to a town 2 hours away!

So that scuppers him disappearing off at the weekend.

thorsoak wrote: »

Whether or not you think it is illegal, the fact is that it IS illegal. That is the point on which OP has to base her future. To argue whether or not it is or should be illegal is purely academic.

If everybody left their partner every time they did something illegal, the divorce rate would be vastly higher than it already is.

Caroline_a

Tabbytabitha wrote: »

If everybody left their partner every time they did something illegal, the divorce rate would be vastly higher than it already is.

But isn't it about choice to turn a blind eye to the illegality? Personally I wouldn't be with anyone who did any illegal drugs at any level -additionally I wouldn't be with anyone who committed a whole range of offences. I might turn a bit of a blind eye to someone who habitually sped in their car, but not who drove whilst drunk.

The OP has an issue with the drug taking, as do many posters on here. I don't blame her. £160+ a month on drugs is a large amount of money. I wonder what the response would have been if the OP's partner spent that on gambling?

Tabbytabitha

Caroline_a wrote: »

But isn't it about choice to turn a blind eye to the illegality? Personally I wouldn't be with anyone who did any illegal drugs at any level -additionally I wouldn't be with anyone who committed a whole range of offences. I might turn a bit of a blind eye to someone who habitually sped in their car, but not who drove whilst drunk.

The OP has an issue with the drug taking, as do many posters on here. I don't blame her. £160+ a month on drugs is a large amount of money. I wonder what the response would have been if the OP's partner spent that on gambling?

A better comparison would be if he spent it on going down the pub. It wouldn't suit me but I doubt that many people would be too bothered if their partner spent a couple of evenings in the pub each week.

chesky

The Op has known about his coke habit for years. Bit late to get worried about it now and it seems she is more concerned about his other habits.

spirit

Tabbytabitha wrote: »

A better comparison would be if he spent it on going down the pub. It wouldn't suit me but I doubt that many people would be too bothered if their partner spent a couple of evenings in the pub each week.

Going down the pub isn't illegal. To be clear we are talking about a class A drug here, not a bit of weed.

Detroit

Your husband's pattern, if he's being truthful, is outside of the norm, being both habitual yet relatively moderate, and also solitary.

My concern would be that be may actually be using and spending a great deal more, hiding in plain sight, being upfront about moderate use to disguise something more.

It isn't difficult to make extra money to support this with some low level distribution/selling, and this could be easily hidden from you.

In terms of your relationship, like anything else, only you know what you can tolerate. If this is a deal breaker for you, you could tell him, with a clear outline of the consequences if he continues. He can then choose between you and coke.

But buckle up, as the choice may not be easy for him. Expect a lot of false starts, lies, and disappointment, and understand that you may not be the victor.

Tabbytabitha

spirit wrote: »

Going down the pub isn't illegal. To be clear we are talking about a class A drug here, not a bit of weed.

Gambling isn't illegal either but that was the comparison another poster put forward.

Lots of things are illegal and plenty of people do them all the time - it doesn't necessarily matter within an otherwise good relationship. (Not that this sounds like a good relationship in other, more worrying, ways.)

peachyprice

spirit wrote: »

Going down the pub isn't illegal. To be clear we are talking about a class A drug here, not a bit of weed.

There is no difference between 'a bit of weed' and cocaine, just because one is more socially acceptable than the other doesn't make it any less illegal.

Loz01

OP you're not old fashioned or boring, there is no way in hell I could be with someone who took drugs, even down to smoking weed which I know a lot of people see as normal these days. Never mind the fact you have a child.

£40 a week doesnt sound a lot but thats nearly 2k a year, just on cocaine. Not great is it?