Not sure what to do

mummyto_1

Hi,

I'm not actually a new user I've been a member for 10 years with over 3,000 posts but wanted to post under the radar.

I've been with my partner 6 years and we have a child who is 3.

We also own a house together.

Deep breath and here goes.............about once a week he'll take cocaine.

I've asked him to stop and he did try once and have a couple of weeks off of it. And it was great, he was a much better person but unfortunately it was short lived.

I'm sure people will tell me to get rid of him and that's what I'm leaning towards doing I just wanted to get my thoughts out and hear views from outsiders that don't know me personally.

I know there's some people that do drugs and they spend hundreds of pounds a week on it.
My partner will spend about £20 or £40 a week
So not a lot really so I'm wondering if I'm over reacting?

When he gets paid he transfers the whole lot to me as I'm very good with money, and most months we save £1,000 sometimes a bit more, so I sometimes think why am I moaning about him having £20 - £40 a week.

But on the other hand I'm anti drugs and have never tried any

I'm mid 30's now so its getting to the point where do I want to carry on with this

Thank you for reading

HappyHandsMM

Putting the actual drugs aside for a minute, what is it about his character when he's taking cocaine that you really dislike? I think you're better off concentrating on that and showing him why you're unhappy rather than making it all about the drugs.

happyandcontented

It wouldn't be about the money for me (currently, but it may get worse) it would be about my child, the example he is setting and just the unsavoury aspects of drug taking; supply, dealing, exploitation etc, etc.

I couldn't go there and if he wouldn't stop when asked he would be choosing the drug over the family.

mummyto_1

HappyHandsMM wrote: »

Putting the actual drugs aside for a minute, what is it about his character when he's taking cocaine that you really dislike? I think you're better off concentrating on that and showing him why you're unhappy rather than making it all about the drugs.

To be honest I just leave him to it, he's downstairs on his play station with his beer and coke and I watch tv upstairs.
He's not aggressive on it
Our child is in bed when he does it

So that in itself is not a 'normal' family Friday night. He doesn't eat when he takes it as it suppresses your appetite apparently.

Janey3

I would be so worried about his future healthwise and the example he is setting for your child. How long would it be before he increases the amount of cocaine I wonder? I would encourage him to seek help but if he refused I would have to consider the future.

JayJay100

Does he understand that he's likely to lose you and your child if he doesn't stop this?

mummyto_1

JayJay100 wrote: »

Does he understand that he's likely to lose you and your child if he doesn't stop this?

I get the impression he thinks I wouldn't manage in the house without him. HA!


I actually earn more than him, plus the trust deed we set up when we bought the house states that ownership is 70% me 30% his


I've worked out that what I would get from the sale of the current house, I could buy a 2 bedroom house on my own.

peachyprice

mummyto_1 wrote: »

To be honest I just leave him to it, he's downstairs on his play station with his beer and coke and I watch tv upstairs.
He's not aggressive on it
Our child is in bed when he does it

So that in itself is not a 'normal' family Friday night. He doesn't eat when he takes it as it suppresses your appetite apparently.

That's kinda weird, low-level use is usually in social situations, because it makes you very sociable and chatty, seems strange to be taking it but having nobody to interact with.

It's something I would be fine with before children came along, but once you're a parent it's time to grow up and ditch those kinds of habits especially at home with your child in the house (typing as someone whose ex husband refused to give up cannabis when we had children).

JayJay100

mummyto_1 wrote: »

I get the impression he thinks I wouldn't manage in the house without him. HA!


I actually earn more than him, plus the trust deed we set up when we bought the house states that ownership is 70% me 30% his


I've worked out that what I would get from the sale of the current house, I could buy a 2 bedroom house on my own.

He's in for a shock!

mummyto_1

peachyprice wrote: »

That's kinda weird, low-level use is usually in social situations, because it makes you very sociable and chatty, seems strange to be taking it but having nobody to interact with.

It's something I would be fine with before children came along, but once you're a parent it's time to grow up and ditch those kinds of habits especially at home with your child in the house (typing as someone whose ex husband refused to give up cannabis when we had children).

If he did it every now and then when he went out socially I wouldn't be too bothered.
But every week indoors I do have issue with.


He's taken it since he was 18 and he's 29 now


Sounds daft but I'm worried about becoming a single mum

mummyto_1

JayJay100 wrote: »

He's in for a shock!

I might be getting ahead of myself here but if I did have to sell the house, at its current value and after paying off the mortgage outstanding I'd get around £180,000


And he'd get approx. £15,000


Looking at mortgage calculators I could borrow £160,000 on my own. So potentially could spend up to £340,000.


Sounds amazing but I do live in South East England