Not sure what to do

mummyto_1

Primrose wrote: »

This has obviously caused you anxiety to post on here under a new identity, even though none of us know your original identity so I assume it is an issue, the seriousness of which troubles you deeply.

My experience of most drug users is that even though they may be low users, the longer they do it, the more addicted they become and the more impossible it is for them to wean themselves of the habit.

So time to address this issue seriously. Do want to risk you and your child having a life which risks going downhill because of drug abuse. He may only be taking it once a week at the moment (or so he says). How long before that becomes twice a wee, and then three times a week and the expense becomes higher and higher?

There are really only two options

1. You confront his habit with a view to him being prepared to undergo whatever therapy is necessary to come off the drug and stay off it permanently.

2. If he won’t do this you pull the plug on this relatiionship now before he moves to a deeper stage of addiction.

I honestly think you be deluding yourself if you think his habit will be contained at its current level. I think you and he need to sit down and have a very serious talk about how your relationship proceeds but before you do this I would get all your preparations in place for moving out so that if he is not prepared to give it up, knowing the anxiety it causes you, you have a Plan B to set in place very quickly.

It,s not simply the amount he’s spending per week, it’s that he’s spending it on an illegal substance. Do you really want to bring your child up in a druggie household ? That alone would encourage me to walk and free myself of any future risk.

Thank you, really excellent advice


Trust me when I say I will not be leaving that house, I've worked hard since I was 17 to buy my own place, he'll be the one shipping off back to his mum's.


No idea why I didn't just post under my usual account. Its not as if anyone knows who I am on here. Just feeling a bit ashamed I guess

spadoosh

Primrose wrote: »

This has obviously caused you anxiety to post on here under a new identity, even though none of us know your original identity so I assume it is an issue, the. Krality of which troubles you deeply.

My experience of most drug users is that wen though they may be low users, the longer they do it, the more addicted they become and the more I possible it is for them to wean themselves of the habit.

So time to address this issue seriously. Do want to risk you and your child having a life which risks going downhill because of drug abuse. He may only be taking it once a week at the moment (or so he says). How long before that becomes twice a wee, and then three times a week and the expense becomes higher and higher?

There are really only two options

1. You confront his habit with a view to him being prepared to undergo whatever therapy is necessary to come off the drug and stay off it permanently.

2. If he won’t do this you pull the plug on this relatiionship now before he moves to a deeper stage of addiction.

I honestly think you be deluding yourself if you think his habit will be contained at its current level. I think you and he need to sit down and have a very serious talk about how your relationship proceeds but before you do this I would get all your preparations in place for moving out so that if he is not prepared to give it up, knowing the anxiety it causes you, you have a Plan B to set in place very quickly.

It,s not simply the amount he’s spending per week, it’s that he’s spending it on an illegal substance. Do you really want to bring your child up in a druggie household ? That alone would encourage me to walk and free myself of any future risk.

Please tell me why you think its guaranteed that he will use more?

Being a vested party in the drug debate i like to keep myself informed as far as im aware the vast majority of drug users arent and will never be addicts. Most will use drugs for relatively short stints in their life. Others will adjust their lifestyle to suit their habbit (ie parties at weekends). The small portion that are left will be addicts.

So please tell me (ideally with verifiable evidence) why this perosn who has been consuming the drug for 11 years will suddenly or inevitably end up increasing their intake?

Or is it like i think and youre just guessing because you read a bad headline somewhere and of course its illegal so it must be bad. Just like those same sex couples wanting to get married 5 years ago?

System

spadoosh wrote: »

Please tell me why you think its guaranteed that he will use more?

Being a vested party in the drug debate i like to keep myself informed as far as im aware the vast majority of drug users arent and will never be addicts. Most will use drugs for relatively short stints in their life. Others will adjust their lifestyle to suit their habbit (ie parties at weekends). The small portion that are left will be addicts.

So please tell me (ideally with verifiable evidence) why this perosn who has been consuming the drug for 11 years will suddenly or inevitably end up increasing their intake?

Or is it like i think and youre just guessing because you read a bad headline somewhere and of course its illegal so it must be bad. Just like those same sex couples wanting to get married 5 years ago?

Your post made sense up to the last sentence. And why are you a vested party?

mummyto_1

Maybe I'm too tight but I always think that 40 quid or whatever could pay for something like a day out or nice meal. But then its not as if we're in poverty and he cant have any of his own money.


He rarely wants to buy new clothes etc just wastes his spends on 'gear'


The health aspects worry me too


Also our son is 3 so oblivious at the moment, will it still be the case when he's a teenager?

spadoosh

avogadro wrote: »

Your post made sense up to the last sentence. And why are you a vested party?

I was using a straw man fallacy. Im in a sarcastic mood.


I believe im a responsible drug user. Although everyone is saying that cant exist so i mustnt be.

fairy_lights

If he was doing it every few months when out socialising I wouldn't think it was such an issue, but every weekend in your own home is a bit weird.
If he's downstairs coked up and playing the x-box while you sit upstairs it sounds like it's already intruding on your family life and taking away from time that could be spent together.
Does he have a stressful job that he feels he needs a release from?

mummyto_1

fairy_lights wrote: »

If he was doing it every few months when out socialising I wouldn't think it was such an issue, but every weekend in your own home is a bit weird.
If he's downstairs coked up and playing the x-box while you sit upstairs it sounds like it's already intruding on your family life and taking away from time that could be spent together.
Does he have a stressful job that he feels he needs a release from?

No not a too stressful job, works 9-5 in a office.

Tigsteroonie

He's done it for years, and not escalated the amount he uses.

He's not aggressive when he does it, it's more like a 'hobby' or 'habit'. He doesn't eat when he's doing it ... but presumably only skips the one meal.

It's low-level, many people spend £40 on a social night out. And it sounds as though it's not causing you financial hardship.

He does it out of sight of others, so the 3yo growing up is not likely to be exposed to the habit.

So that's not time spent with you. So what? Every family needs a little time apart, you don't live in each others' pockets.

What's the real concern here?

Has his health deteriorated?
Is he putting himself in a hazardous situation to buy it?

What does he say when you ask him to stop? You have discussed it with him, haven't you?

peachyprice

spadoosh wrote: »

I believe im a responsible drug user. Although everyone is saying that cant exist so i mustnt be.

It can, but being a parent and spending your weekend in front of the TV with your coke isn't being responsible.

It's OK now, their child is 3 and goes to bed early, that's not going to last forever, there will come a time when he will start to ask mummy why they have to watch TV upstairs at the weekend instead of downstairs with daddy. Now is a good time to take this in to account.

UKTigerlily

Hi. My only experiences with Cocaine have been bad . . . my next door neighbour has been on it for over a year & has changed from being the nicest, kindest guy you could imagine into a total !!!!!!! . . . he doesn't care about how much he hurts others, and currently is on around £50 a night of it. I would say he stops, or goes. Nothing would convince me to be with anyone on this, it's awful to see people change & causes nothing but worry & misery.

If he isn't addicted, he should be fine with stopping as the relationship & his child should mean more.

Not to mention you never know what's mixed with Coke, it can be anything.