Not sure what to do

Callie22

mummyto_1 wrote: »

Sounds daft but I'm worried about becoming a single mum

This is going to sound harsh, but you need to prepare yourself for that possibility anyway. Quite a lot of my OH's friends did a fair bit of coke in their youth and quite of few of them carried on doing it 'recreationally' into their 30s and 40s. There were a surprising number of 'unexplained heart attacks' among them when they started to hit their mid-forties. Older hearts and less than healthy lifestyles really don't mix well with cocaine.

meer53

OP, i wouldn't put up with it. I'd ask him to stop, if he doesn't i'd warn him that i'd be asking him to leave. Better to be a single parent than be with someone who doesn't think about the consequences. There may not be an issue now but there sure will be when the child gets older if he doesn't stop.

Primrose

You are right to worry about becoming a single mum not only because of relationship breakdown but also by death because cocaine users seem blithely ignorant of the hidden damage they’re doing to their bodies. As Callie has pointed out, all kinds of heart and other conditions could be creeping up on him.

If he really doesn’t believe a once a week habit is harmful he’s pulling the wool over his eyes.

Tell him to read this link
https://www.nhs.uk/news/heart-and-lungs/casual-cocaine-users-may-be-risking-heart-damage/

chesky

Did you know about his eleven-year habit when you first got together, or when you married, or when you decided to have a child? If he hid it from you for years, I could understand your current thinking better. If however you've known about it for ages (and you do say he's cut down) then why do you suddenly feel differently?
Don't do it myself but I've known plenty who do and provided it didn't increase it wouldn't be a red line for me. But him playing computer games for long periods of time might be.

badmemory

So far no-one has brought up the disaster scenario - when your 3 or maybe by then 4 year old finds his stash. How on earth (knowing he was using) would you forgive yourself, could you live with that?

FBaby

I understand where you are coming from about drugs in general, I'm the same, but you need to think about what it is about drugs that makes you feel so anxious. If like me, it is the fact that it is known to be highly addictive, change personalities, make people self-centered and irresponsible, and all this leading them to a spiral of destruction.

However, somehow, this doesn't seem to be the case with your OH. He's been doing it for ages and somehow manage to keep under control. On this basis, is it really so bad?

If it was my OH, it would really come down to our relationship otherwise. If it was the only matter that is causing to consider breaking up my family when otherwise very happy, I would accept it. However, if there was more issues, that were hidden behind the drugs, then yes, I would consider leaving.

As it is, it is clear that he does it as a reward. Many people will look to achieve the same effect with drinks or food, both which are also bad for people long term, but more acceptable socially.

Tabbytabitha

badmemory wrote: »

So far no-one has brought up the disaster scenario - when your 3 or maybe by then 4 year old finds his stash. How on earth (knowing he was using) would you forgive yourself, could you live with that?

Of course no children ever get at their parents' alcohol supply...

spadoosh

avogadro wrote: »

oxymoron, IMO

Maybe. But then you'd have to rule out that people are responsible drinkers. If you do fair enough if not I can easily argue hypocrisy.


I've been thinking about this thread all night.

I thought id summarise what I see.

Morally questionable behaviour from the ops side:

Threatening to take a child away from their dad
Threatening to take someone's house from them
Ridiculing your husband
Controlling behaviour

Morally questionable behaviour from the ops husband:

Takes cocaine on a friday night
Has a child?

But the dad is the bad guy here? O and what do people think will have more of a detrimental behaviour on a child? A broken home or a recreational drug user who in all likelihood will do everything in his power to shelter the son from seeing anything? And then what do people think will lead this guy to using more cocaine? His wife taking his child and house from him? Or maintaining the status quo.

There's a lot of blinkers in this thread. Ok saying leave etc but you can't possibly know the consequences of that.


As for the comments about keeping cocaine in a house with a 3 year old I'm assuming those people don't keep bleach in their house, don't keep dogs, knives, medication and alcohol? Well it's irresponsible if you do and have children isn't it? They all have the ability to and have killed considerably more children than those killed by cocaine (I'm guessing here)

paddy's_mum

I'd be more worried about what type of person he is associating with in order to get the cocaine in the first place and, if he upsets them somehow, whether they just might turn up at your door some day.

Tabbytabitha

paddy's_mum wrote: »

I'd be more worried about what type of person he is associating with in order to get the cocaine in the first place and, if he upsets them somehow, whether they just might turn up at your door some day.

I used to work in a local government and one of my office colleagues supplied friends and acquaintances with coke on a regular basis. You shouldn't believe all you read in the tabloids.