Not sure what to do

mummyto_1

Hi all, still in a quandary about what to do.


Why should I live with someone that thinks its fine to do Class A drugs in their home every weekend?


I'm such a worrier that if I kicked him out he'd probably go off the rails and I'd get a call one day saying he was dead or something (maybe that's a bit over the top!)


On the other side I think I'm over reacting in the fact that if that's want he wants to do with 40 quid a week than that's his look out (he gives me nearly £1,800 a month and just gets £40 a week spends)

thorsoak

Ask yourself - do you want your child, in 10 years' time,living with parents, one of whom takes Class A drugs on a regular basis and the other parent condoning it? What message does that give to your 10 year old child then?

Money doesn't come into the equation in my mind.

The_Ang

Yes, not a matter of money. Health is the main issue. The arts of persuasion will play role in this case, I think.

chesky

mummyto_1 wrote: »

Hi all, still in a quandary about what to do.


Why should I live with someone that thinks its fine to do Class A drugs in their home every weekend?


I'm such a worrier that if I kicked him out he'd probably go off the rails and I'd get a call one day saying he was dead or something (maybe that's a bit over the top!)


On the other side I think I'm over reacting in the fact that if that's want he wants to do with 40 quid a week than that's his look out (he gives me nearly £1,800 a month and just gets £40 a week spends)

Well, I hope you're not relying on the posts here to make your decision. Don't you have any friends you can discuss this with?
If he's only spending £40 per week on the habit I guess it's not life threatening. And you've known about it for years. And he presumably holds down a job.

The city is full of bankers who shove large amounts up their noses and blind eyes are turned to it, although it's officially frowned on. Life goes on.

I haven't read through this thread lately so I can't remember whether you've actually sat down and discussed your long-term future as a partnership, without heat or anger. Might be an idea.

BucksLady

chesky wrote: »

If he's only spending £40 per week on the habit I guess it's not life threatening.
.

You don't know that. Addiction can become life threatening.

Poor_Single_lady

Chesky Mummy to 1 probably has loads of friends but from her post you can tell that she doesn't want to discuss this in real life with people.
Which is kind of understandable.

Poor_Single_lady

And I work in the city. If anything being in that environment puts you off Drug taking even more.

It's not any more OK just because somebody is wearing a suit.

chesky

Perhaps the people in the city also don't want to talk about it nowadays in real life.

badmemory

Have you tried looking into the future? Say 10 years from now when the relationship like many others has totally broken down. Shared custody, 2 nights a week with her dad, who is still using. How would you feel about that?

What we accept as an adult from other adults is never the same as what we would accept from those same adults in front of our children.

I know this is slightly different but, how many people have you read about who have tolerated abuse from a partner for years only to leave the first time that abuse is directed at their child.

And finally, do you want a child to grow up believing drug taking is acceptable? This is not to do with if we have ever done it, but whether we want our children to do it.

mummyto_1

Yes the future is what I'm starting to think about, I've just been glossing over things in the past. Keeping up appearances if you like.


If he moves out he would want our son every other weekend, so I would worry about that.


Maybe part of the reason I haven't kicked him out yet is that I'm also always in the house with our son