Parents want to meet boyfriend

Poor_Single_lady

Good. Well done. Now you can make some more adult choices.

For me I could not imagine living with my parents at the age of 26. They are of the mindset "their house, their rules" and it would have been that way. Meaning that I wouldn't have been allowed to stay over at boyfriends house. I moved out at 20. Could not have managed any more time under their roof.

On this basis I still don't get what the problem is. If you live with your parents they will poke into your life. That's why you are supposed to move out and carve your own life independently of them which working full time you should be able to do.

It means if you skip meals and get drunk and come home at 4am they are not there to see it and no grief. They can't get upset about what they don't know. I just feel like once you have your own place you might see where your mum is coming from.

But you can't have it both ways, either live there under their roof and put up with them or live on your own and make your own rules that are right for you.

Robisere

I find echoes of long ago in this thread, OP. 72 now, but I was the youngest of 3 brothers by a long way and the only one to stand up against a domineering mother, with a great dad who, like yours, just wanted a quiet life. So domineering, she was also violent due to mental problems which saw me living with an aunt for almost 3 years. The other 2 bro's were married before I was 5 and glad to get their own families and homes I think, but mum still tried to run their lives. The problem was that one of her dil's was compliant, whilst the other fought her domineering ways and stood up to her. That is the one who really became a sister to me and would shield me from the worst abuse, whilst also having her own boys.

If this lad is good to you and for you, you must cut away those apron strings. Tell her that this is your man and you will stand no interference with your relationship. Stand up to her and make her know you mean it. Tell her to respect your adult life, and you will respect her views but are not bound by them. After a period of frost between you, she will come to realise that you are quite capable of looking after yourself.

Good Luck!

Kirstie_

He is for me, he is very good to me,if anything too good to me.

I guess I really do need a chat with my mum. I'm glad I have a trade show coming up to get away from the frost!

Kirstie_

So I said to my mum today that I'm spending the weekend at my boyfriends before I go for the trade show and stay down for 2 weeks.

She was not happy I was going down to this trade show for 2 weeks. But I firmly told her it was my job and it had to be done. I got that look of "You've won this round"

She is trying to insist that she meets my boyfriend this saturday

thorsoak

Mum can insist as much as she likes - but unless you turn up, with boyfriend in tow, it ain't gonna happen!

Tell her that you have other plans and that you will invite her and your father to a meal at a time convenient to you both - that the weekend before a trade fair is not the best time for you.

Kirstie_

thorsoak wrote: »

Mum can insist as much as she likes - but unless you turn up, with boyfriend in tow, it ain't gonna happen!

Tell her that you have other plans and that you will invite her and your father to a meal at a time convenient to you both - that the weekend before a trade fair is not the best time for you.

I just want to spend time with my boyfriend before I go to the trade show, Is it really bad of me? Is it selfish?

I said to my mum when I'm back we can go, My dads happy with it.

I don't think she liked the fact I didn't bow down to the demand.

hollydays

It’s the first step in being assertive .:beer:
You need to put you own goals and wants first sometimes to be the best person you can be.
Sometimes I have to do a quick reality check and ask myself

” Who’s the boss of me?“

thorsoak

Kirstie_ wrote: »

I just want to spend time with my boyfriend before I go to the trade show, Is it really bad of me? Is it selfish?

I said to my mum when I'm back we can go, My dads happy with it.

I don't think she liked the fact I didn't bow down to the demand.

Is it really bad of you? No it's most certainly not! What is bad is the fact that your mother is still trying to organise your life when, as a young woman of 26, you are perceived by your employers as a person responsible enough to represent them at a trade fair, yet your mother still sees you as a little girl of 6.

Good for you, for standing up to her! Now make that the first step to an independent life xx

onomatopoeia99

Kirstie_ wrote: »

I just want to spend time with my boyfriend before I go to the trade show, Is it really bad of me? Is it selfish?

No, it's not. It's entirely reasonable.

If you were 16 your mother might have a degree of justification, though it would ultimately still be your life, not hers. Now she doesn't. Enjoy your time with your boyfriend and family can wait until you get back.

Kirstie_

My mum annoyed me so so much, She wasn't happy with me and my boyfriend rang and I shouted at him (thinking it was my mum) and hung up on him

He must be really upset at me