Parents want to meet boyfriend

Kirstie_

chesky wrote: »

Kirstie, you never want to impose or upset people.
You seem to lack confidence in your own judgement.
Time for a bit of assertiveness training. There are some good classes around.
You can disagree with me if you want.

My boss has put me on an assertiveness course, I just don't want to be a burden on anyone.My boyfriend makes me pick things for us to do, he knows I'll go with the flow.

hollydays

Kirstie_ wrote: »

My boss has put me on an assertiveness course, I just don't want to be a burden on anyone.My boyfriend makes me pick things for us to do, he knows I'll go with the flow.

I don’t think you are a burden And don’t let anyone become a burden to you either.
Eg mum

Comms69

Tabbytabitha wrote: »

I don't think getting your girlfriend pregnant is something most people would boast about, do you? Certainly not in the years with contraception so readily available.

I'm not sure what to say - we kept the baby and still aren't married?


Are you one of these cant have kids without a ring people?

Comms69

OP you said you cant afford to move out, but have you looked at rentals?


I don't know which area you live in, but one bedroom flats are £350-400 in my area, easily affordable by anyone working full time.

KxMx

Okay so if moving out now isn't an option, time to start standing up for yourself.

This kind of parenting does tend to carry on, being controlling about new home when the time comes, your own parenting if you have children etc.

Far better to make a start now.

Yes she is one behaving poorly, but you are also enabling that behaviour by putting up with it. That's a hard truth I came to terms with myself. And after some battles we did come out the other end. I am much happier and our relationship is fine.

Mojisola

Kirstie_ wrote: »

I just don't want to be a burden on anyone.

KxMx wrote: »

This kind of parenting does tend to carry on, being controlling about new home when the time comes, your own parenting if you have children etc.

It might be that Kirstie's mother's behaviour arises from fear of how her very compliant daughter will manage out in the world.

Kirstie - if you can increase your self-assertiveness and start acting like an independent adult who knows she has the right to live as she wants, your mother may back off in relief that you're not going to be a doormat for whoever comes into your life.

If she doesn't, then your increased self-assertiveness will give you the power to stand up to her.

Tabbytabitha

Kirstie_ wrote: »

It certainly is an option, but I'd rather move in as his girlfriend when we both feel we are ready. I understand his offer and appreciate it greatly.

I don't want to impose on my boyfriend being his lodger

Personally I think you'd be better to spend a while living as an independent adult before moving in with a boyfriend,otherwise you're just moving from your parent's home to your boyfriend's, which often isn't a good idea.

You don't need a great deal of savings to rent a room in a house /flat share which are normally furnished, just a month's rent and a month's rent as a deposit. It may cost a little more than you pay your parents for rent and keep but it would mean that you could choose to spend nights together at either your boyfriend's place or yours,
which would make your relationship more equal and more balanced.

Once your parents can see you living independently they'll be more likely to see you as the adult you are and you won't be tempted to move in with your boyfriend just to get away from your mum. If you do both then decide to live together you can choose where you want to make your home rather than falling into the situation of his providing a home for you, which is what could happen at present.

Kirstie_

Tabbytabitha wrote: »

Personally I think you'd be better to spend a while living as an independent adult before moving in with a boyfriend,otherwise you're just moving from your parent's home to your boyfriend's, which often isn't a good idea.

You don't need a great deal of savings to rent a room in a house /flat share which are normally furnished, just a month's rent and a month's rent as a deposit. It may cost a little more than you pay your parents for rent and keep but it would mean that you could choose to spend nights together at either your boyfriend's place or yours,
which would make your relationship more equal and more balanced.

Once your parents can see you living independently they'll be more likely to see you as the adult you are and you won't be tempted to move in with your boyfriend just to get away from your mum. If you do both then decide to live together you can choose where you want to make your home rather than falling into the situation of his providing a home for you, which is what could happen at present.

My boyfriend also suggested this, he even offered if I wanted to loan me the deposit/first months rent and for the rent he said I can pay back in hugs.

I'm going to arrange something in a nice restaurant, My boyfriend said to pick where I would like to go and he'll pay.

My boyfriend come into my office today (He works in a different office and travels between offices) He took me for lunch and we had a good talk. I explained about the being more assertive and he said he would help me where he could.

Poor_Single_lady

Why don't you pay if you want to be seen as an adult.

Kirstie_

Poor_Single_lady wrote: »

Why don't you pay if you want to be seen as an adult.

I will be regardless of what my boyfriend offers.