Parents want to meet boyfriend

Kirstie_

Mojisola wrote: »

But your BF isn't a babysitter who needs to follow your parent's instructions - you're old enough to say what you need and get it for yourself if necessary!

As you are an adult, your mother needs to trust you and let you get on with your life. She might still worry but that doesn't give her the right to interfere in your life - especially as you are managing just fine.

I am I'm happy than I was being the single me, Even though I worry about my boyfriend when he is driving/flying with work. I'm happy and feel loved. I tried explaining this to my mum and she says that she will be the judge of my boyfriend being suitable

pollypenny wrote: »

Of course your mum wants to meet your boyfriend. Why wouldn't she?

But tell her not to fuss about your food. It's your own responsibility to ensure you eat probably or otherwise suffer the consequences.

I don't mind her meeting him, I don't want the other things that my mum will bring. I am eating properly, I've not had an attack in a while.

Mojisola

Kirstie_ wrote: »

I tried explaining this to my mum and she says that she will be the judge of my boyfriend being suitable

I think you're going to have to warn your BF that your Mum may be a pain and agree how to handle it between you.

Kirstie_

Mojisola wrote: »

I think you're going to have to warn your BF that your Mum may be a pain and agree how to handle it between you.

I will be, I just don't want my boyfriend thinking anything bad of me and that I've been telling my mum things.

My dad loves him, says he is really good, My boyfriend found common ground with him by letting my dad have a look at his car and look under the bonnet and such. I think they had a talk whilst looking at the engine.

But my mum won't listen.

trailingspouse

I think there are huge trust issues here.

Your Mum doesn't trust you to look after yourself properly. You don't trust your boyfriend not to be frightened off by her, or to think badly of you.

Your Mum may well want to meet your boyfriend - that doesn't mean she has to. There are lots of reasons why that might not be what you want right now. And that's OK. It is not up to her AT ALL to decide if he's suitable for you. In fact, practice saying that out loud - 'It's not up to you', 'It's not up to you.'

And you need to talk to your boyfriend - tell him what you're afraid of, and allow him the space to deal with her on his own terms.

With OH#2 I made the decision not to try to stand between them, but to let them form their own relationship. He tells her in no uncertain terms when she's overstepped the mark, and she respects him for it.

krlyr

If your boyfriend judges you by another person's words/actions, you're better off rid anyway. You aren't, and can't control, what your mother thinks/says/does. I would just warn him that she has some strong, protective views when it comes to you - any sensible human would presumably take that warning and if they were alarmed by anything she said, check with you before assuming you'd said something to her.

I agree that a public place is probably best, so you can make an exit if necessary. You never know, it could be the perfect opportunity to show your mum you're an independent woman now - and that you won't let her bully you or your boyfriend.

Red-Squirrel_2

Kirstie_ wrote: »

I will be, I just don't want my boyfriend thinking anything bad of me and that I've been telling my mum things.

Your boyfriend should not be thinking bad of you for talking to your mum, that's normal!

You shouldn't have to be !!!!!footing around either of them trying to keep them happy all the time, be yourself, relax, they should both love and accept you.

Kirstie_

I do trust my boyfriend, he won't judge me and will want to make me happy, I just worry that my mum will say things that could upset my boyfriend or something. My boyfriend says he will go with whats said and not listen but I don't want to put him in any situation

As for my mum not meeting him I'd never hear the end of it

Public place is the way forward and I am independent, I have a "proper job" (Even my mum admits to that) and I an happy.

Kirstie_

Red-Squirrel wrote: »

Your boyfriend should not be thinking bad of you for talking to your mum, that's normal!

You shouldn't have to be !!!!!footing around either of them trying to keep them happy all the time, be yourself, relax, they should both love and accept you.

He doesn't think bad of me I'm just worried what he will think after speaking to my mum.

fairy_lights

Is this your first boyfriend, OP?

trailingspouse

There are a couple of things that you have said that sadden me.

1) that you 'wouldn't hear the end of it' if you didn't arrange for your mother to meet your boyfriend
and
2) that you've been 'staying over'.

You're an adult, you can decide if it's not yet time for your boyfriend to meet your mother. That's your decision. So what if she whinges and complains? That's her problem. Just because she's said 'jump', there's no need for you to actually jump.

By 'staying over' I assume you mean you're in a sexual relationship. What exactly was your mother expecting?? Tea and biscuits and a peck on the cheek? You're allowed to, it's none of her business.

One of my daughters has a new boyfriend. We haven't met him yet. We've invited him for Christmas, as she was already coming to us. Will he come? No idea. Will it matter? Not one jot. Does he 'stay over'? Probably. In fact I hope so - she's been single for a while, I'm pleased she's getting some action. Is it any of my business? Absolutely not.