For those nearing/in retirement who decided against having children...

chesky

Well, according to your later statements, the only paragraphs in your initial post that were relevant to your question were the second and the penultimate. The rest was just irrelevant information about you and needn't have been included. So you can hardly blame the rest of us for involving ourselves in it. And of course everyone should have started with their ages, so you could know which to not bother reading.

Not_Me_Officer

Some people want more info, some less, some happy with what's given.

At the end of the day it is what it is.

Still, on the plus side it was interesting reading people's viewpoints on both sides so on that note the thread has been a positive for me.

Huwbert

cjdavies wrote: »

Not sure if helps but being 36, I never want kids, I have 2 nephews who I love and take out for days out, but happily hand them back.

I see people in work taking days off for half term and when they are sick, me I can take it when I went.

For me the cons out weigh the pros to have kids.

That echoes my situation. I'm nearly 40, don't want kids (makes meeting a new partner more tricky but I wouldn't try to persuade a partner round to my way of thinking and would hope they wouldn't try to persuade me otherwise if they wanted kids), despite mates trying to persuade me that being a parent is great (even in the midst of theirs throwing a monster tantrum!). And yes I have had conversations with mates and the classic "so who will look after you when you're old?!" has been dropped in by them - not the reason to have kids!

Not being particularly paternal aside, I can certainly see why some people weigh up the practicality side of whether to have kids, myself included, it's the way I've been brought up. I think nowadays it is quite a financial decision as love alone doesn't pay the bills. Also, kids possibly become more expensive as they get older if you factor in the bank of mum and dad and the help they increasingly seem to provide as needed for uni fees, house deposits etc.

Not_Me_Officer

Huwbert wrote: »

That echoes my situation. I'm nearly 40, don't want kids (makes meeting a new partner more tricky but I wouldn't try to persuade a partner round to my way of thinking and would hope they wouldn't try to persuade me otherwise if they wanted kids), despite mates trying to persuade me that being a parent is great (even in the midst of theirs throwing a monster tantrum!). And yes I have had conversations with mates and the classic "so who will look after you when you're old?!" has been dropped in by them - not the reason to have kids!

Not being particularly paternal aside, I can certainly see why some people weigh up the practicality side of whether to have kids, myself included, it's the way I've been brought up. I think nowadays it is quite a financial decision as love alone doesn't pay the bills. Also, kids possibly become more expensive as they get older if you factor in the bank of mum and dad and the help they increasingly seem to provide as needed for uni fees, house deposits etc.

It's nice to know that i'm not totally alien in the way i approach it.

Regards the bank of mum & dad though. Every family is different. I can obviously only speak for myself but if i wanted to go to Uni then it would've been my pocket. My first car was a rust bucket bought from my wages. A house deposit was from my own saving - i didn't go out much, i didn't drink much, i've never smoked so i saved hard. And as much as i would like to hand out the cash and make life easier, if we were to have a child then they would have to work for things the same way that i had to - there was no other choice.

When you see people around you of similar age having the easier ride, i admit there's a tinge of jealousy but then there's absolutely naff all you can do about it so best just concentrate on doing the best you can with the situation you have.

But i certainly get your point

Huwbert

Very good points! I think it also depends on what era the parents grew up in as well is their socio economic background. Even a difference from when I was late teenager heading to uni and those going to uni now is quite a difference due to uni tuition fees (my intake was the last year of no tuition fees).

Also my parent's, tongue in cheek say to me quite often "don't let you kids think they're not wanted, tell 'em!". I just laugh, especially as after Dad dropped me off at uni on the first day, he phoned me when he got home to say he and Mum had changed the locks on the doors! And they had he he!

I'd be interested to find out what those who have grown up kids (whether they did or didn't really want kids), think if their kids say they don't want to have kids of their own. Their can be the pressure from the parents or in-laws for a couple to have kids as they want grandkids. No such pressure from my parents thankfully.

-taff

No one else on board with the get-eaten-by-cats then?

OP, this is where you start getting flamed by people reading one page, ignoring the rest and mangling your original words...Good luck

Not_Me_Officer

Huwbert wrote: »

Very good points! I think it also depends on what era the parents grew up in as well

Interesting you say that. Out of all my friends at school i think only one of them had parents similar to mine - the rest were of similar age to each other.
By similar to mine i mean that i was born in the early 80s, my mother was in the early 60s and my dad was born in the early 40s.
Mother had 5 siblings and her parents marriage failed. Her eldest sister had kids very young which if i remember the story right were taken from her and raised by my nan. At any rate my mother was helping bring up kids when she was in her early teens.

Growing up i was always aware of the different angles they came from with parenting. It just became more obvious as i'm now older and can look back.

No such pressure from my parents thankfully.

This one also surprises me - that i've not even had a comment from my mother about it.

Though i do wonder if it's because she knows what i'm like. If she was to badger me about it i would very likely go in the opposite way.

enthusiasticsaver

One thing I have just realised is I don't know anyone of our age (57) who are in a relationship and did not have children. Maybe we all just gravitate to people who choose the same path in life.

I know lots of single people though who dearly wanted children but never found the right partner sadly and one single lady in her 30s who says she is too selfish to have kids even if she had a partner.

To be honest we did not really think about what having kids entailed emotionally and physically and the highs and lows of parenting. My daughter says the same about her 1 year old daughter. Nothing prepares you for parenthood. It is like jumping into the great unknown but isn't that life?

Huwbert

-taff wrote: »

No one else on board with the get-eaten-by-cats then?

OP, this is where you start getting flamed by people reading one page, ignoring the rest and mangling your original words...Good luck

Totally! I'd rather have cats than kids! Although both can be easily amused by a simple box!

lobbyludd

MrsNubs wrote: »

When I was 19 my mum chose Christmas Day to tell me that the day she found out she was pregnant with me was "the worst day of her life", followed by "if I wasn't a Christian, I would have had an abortion". This hurt, obviously. But I certainly wouldn't say it has ruined the entire course of my life. If anything, I eventually found a positive message in it, as although she was unhappy to be pregnant, she loves me now. It shows that just because someone doesn't desperately want a baby when it's conceived, it doesn't stop them loving the child when it's born or stop them being a good mother.

I'm obviously really happy for you that you found positives from your particular experience, however I did say "could" rather than "will" ruin their lives, I know someone for whom a parent who clearly regretted having them has negatively affected the course of their life.