For those nearing/in retirement who decided against having children...

lobbyludd

fairy_lights wrote: »

Oh my god that all sounds absolutely horrific :eek: Is it like that all the time?

of course not - that's why I've put the other stuff in :j. but it can on occasion bring you to your knees, unless of course you are a duck:

AylesburyDuck wrote: »

God no,
Personally think that was VERY overly dramatic.;)

ah, just the people I know who struggle sometimes then

Pollycat

enthusiasticsaver wrote: »

One thing I have just realised is I don't know anyone of our age (57) who are in a relationship and did not have children. Maybe we all just gravitate to people who choose the same path in life.

In our social group of 5 couples - all within 5 years of the same age - we are the only child-free couple.
I deliberately use 'child-free' rather than 'child-less' as that describes my attitude more accurately.

Of course, all their kids have grown up, some have their own children.

Of the 5, we are the only ones who have retired (early).
I'm the only woman who had a 'proper' career, working for over 30 years at the same company so reaped the benefit of a good occupational pension.

Not_Me_Officer

Would you go further to make links/connections or would you just say that you were simply stating the facts of your situation & surroundings, nothing more nothing less?

Pollycat

Not_Me_Officer wrote: »

Would you go further to make links/connections or would you just say that you were simply stating the facts of your situation & surroundings, nothing more nothing less?

I was simply commenting on the point made by enthusiasticsaver about the make-up of their aquaintances.

Would you like me to 'go further to make links/connections'?

If you would, what do you hope to gain from my links/connections?
Would it add anything to the viewpoint I've already expressed in response to your initial post?

catkins

FBaby wrote: »

It's interesting that it seems to be more childless people who have been told this. I've never heard this once. So either they feel they can be honest to people without being judge as parents would, or they say it because they think that doing so will make childless people feel better!

I know a couple of women with children who have been told by friends or family that they would choose not to have children if they could go back in time.

Me and OH chose not to have children so why would someone saying that make us "feel better"? I just feel sorry for the people who have said it.

Also if someone wanted children but was unable to that comment is not that likely to make them feel better is it?

There are plenty of happy men and women who are parents but there are also quite a few who regret that decision. Why do people (usually parents) find that so hard to believe?

There are forums for people who regret having children and mumsnet has enough posters that say that.

ska_lover

Honestly, op I think that unless you are both 100% onboard with the idea, then do not do it.


It is not just a 'having a child' - it is a massive irreversible lifestyle change - that lasts FOREVER. It is huge.

svain

Another viewpoint (apologies if already been stated) is that my generation (nearing 50) were expected to make our own way in life and moved out of the family home by early 20's ... mainly because housing was more affordable but also it was a less "fluffy" society (if that makes sense)

Nowadays it is not unusual to have children living in the family home well into their 30's .... If i were making a decision again in this day and age i would certainly make me think again.

Not_Me_Officer

Pollycat wrote: »

I was simply commenting on the point made by enthusiasticsaver about the make-up of their aquaintances.

Would you like me to 'go further to make links/connections'?

If you would, what do you hope to gain from my links/connections?
Would it add anything to the viewpoint I've already expressed in response to your initial post?

To be perfectly honest it seemed like you were implying something without saying specifically. Note the keyword there.

Which is why i asked.

I didn't want to just assume you see. I could've gone ahead & just assumed & commented based on my assumptions but then i like being different My view is it's best to ask without assumptions, i'd like to think that's something we could both agree on.

svain wrote: »

Another viewpoint (apologies if already been stated) is that my generation (nearing 50) were expected to make our own way in life and moved out of the family home by early 20's ... mainly because housing was more affordable but also it was a less "fluffy" society (if that makes sense)

If you mean what i think you mean then yes of course it makes sense.

enthusiasticsaver

Pollycat wrote: »

In our social group of 5 couples - all within 5 years of the same age - we are the only child-free couple.
I deliberately use 'child-free' rather than 'child-less' as that describes my attitude more accurately.

Of course, all their kids have grown up, some have their own children.

Of the 5, we are the only ones who have retired (early).
I'm the only woman who had a 'proper' career, working for over 30 years at the same company so reaped the benefit of a good occupational pension.

In our group of friends we are all early retirees in spite of having children. I worked full time with one company for 9 years before having children, took a 3 year career break and went back part time to a different organisation (only because we moved from London to Cornwall) for a further 12 years then full time again for 8 years then back to part time for 6 and retiring this December at age 57. I have 2 occupational pensions and have worked for 3 employers over 35 working years.

Children do not have to scupper financial plans but they are obviously expensive so you have to account for that and managing a career and children is not easy especially if there are lots of travel trips and overtime demands.

enthusiasticsaver

Pollycat wrote: »

In our social group of 5 couples - all within 5 years of the same age - we are the only child-free couple.
I deliberately use 'child-free' rather than 'child-less' as that describes my attitude more accurately.

Of course, all their kids have grown up, some have their own children.

Of the 5, we are the only ones who have retired (early).
I'm the only woman who had a 'proper' career, working for over 30 years at the same company so reaped the benefit of a good occupational pension.

Did you still manage to socialise with them when their children were young? I only ask because much of our socialising was done with family barbecues, trips to the beach or family fun day outs. I cannot imagine many child free couples would have found those days enjoyable and I think this is why we managed to maintain friendships with these couples and other childfree couples found other friends in similar situations to them.