For those nearing/in retirement who decided against having children...

NeilCr

I am in my 60s and childless. My partner is in the same age bracket and has five children and numerous grandchildren. We don't live together

We are both happy in our different lifestyles. Herself is very family orientated (although, I suspect, she could do with slightly less babysitting duties!) because that's what she has become used to - they are a close family. I do my own thing and am very happy in my own skin. I have lots of friends who, in their own way, have become a bit like my family - though, obviously, no children

She doesn't believe in regrets and I'm beginning to get on the same wavelength. You can't change what has happened - or not happened - it's best to try and live in the moment - not anticipating what may happen, either

There's only one thing I'd say. I am an only child of only children (both now, sadly, deceased) as is my ex. What I don't really have is anyone around to share family memories/stories etc. It's not a biggie at all but it might have been nice to have a brother/sister/child to sit down with and reminisce. But there isn't so I get on with life and enjoy every day - not ponder about what might have been

Pollycat

Here's the OP's thread posted on the Pensions board:
https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/5678632

Not_Me_Officer wrote: »

So, after drifting on & off topic through my ramblings there, i was just wondering for those of you who are reaching or have reached retirement and decided not to have children (& didn't decide no just so you could have the high flying career ) are you still happy you made that decision? Do you regret it ... at all? I know it's not the reason we have kids but it doesn't stop you thinking about what happens when you or your partner dies - either you or they will be on their own. If you're taken ill maybe. For example - an elderly relative of mine is quite ill. Without her children and without going into detail, she would've probably died by now, but she has her children looking out for her. The thought of me dying first and leaving my wife alone does concern me. Like i say - it's not the reason you have kids but without them you begin to think about what life (including later life) would be without having any.

To answer this ^^^^:
I never, ever wanted children. I remember having that discussion with my Mum when I was about 15.
50 years on, I've never regretted that decision.

To view having children as a way of not being alone when your partner dies is very wrong.
And flawed.
You may have no relationship at all with your child.
Or they may have moved halfway round the world.

Not_Me_Officer wrote: »

My wife on the other hand never wanted kids. We talked about it briefly earlier in the relationship (together 14 years) so we were aware of the others stance. In recent years my wife has changed her viewpoint to having days where she'd like one and days where it's just nice to have your own time.

Mothers say you change when you've given birth.
But I'm sure that not all women do.
What if she decides that the days where it's nice to have her own time is more enjoyable than bringing up a baby?

[Deleted User]

*Robin* wrote: »

Personally I believe it is about time we all started to appreciate and honour those young people today who choose not to exacerbate our global population problem.

I wish people would stop with this 'over population' concern. The Western world isn't the source of this. If anything, many countries struggle to produce a 'replacement' fertility rate.

The UK's 'births/women' rate is 1.8. That is below the 'replacement' rate of 2.1

So, people choosing to not have kids is actually going to cause significant social and economic problems over the coming decades.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_sovereign_states_and_dependencies_by_total_fertility_rate

trailingspouse

At 34 and 35 you would certainly be able to have more than one child - if that's what you wanted.

Here's a serious suggestion - don't laugh, it really works. Take a coin - heads you have a child, tails you don't. Toss the coin. You will know immediately if it has landed the right side up.

catkins

Me and OH are both in our early 60's. We were early 20's when we got married.

We discussed having children at length and decided against it. There were a few reasons but the main one was that we both believe the world is already overpopulated and we were not going to add to it.

We have honestly never ever regretted our decision. In fact as time has gone by we have been more and more glad that we did decide not to have any.

Pollycat

catkins wrote: »

Me and OH are both in our early 60's. We were early 20's when we got married.

We discussed having children at length and decided against it. There were a few reasons but the main one was that we both believe the world is already overpopulated and we were not going to add to it.

We have honestly never ever regretted our decision. In fact as time has gone by we have been more and more glad that we did decide not to have any.

Ooooh, you are far more altruistic than me.

Mine was a purely selfish decision.

BorisThomson

silvercar wrote: »

If it's partly a financial worry, have you costed up all the child tax credits, child benefit and childcare help you would get? For someone on relatively low incomes these would really help.

This should not be part of your decision making process. Benefits get withdrawn, even when you're entitled payments get messed up, then you're relying on charity and goodwill. It is helpful to know they are there, but it would be irresponsible to make a decision based on something that is far from guaranteed in the longer term.

Gavin83

Pollycat wrote: »

Mothers say you change when you've given birth.
But I'm sure that not all women do.
What if she decides that the days where it's nice to have her own time is more enjoyable than bringing up a baby?

I know two women who have said they regret having children and if they could go back they'd not have them. On the other hand despite having more male friends I don't know any men who have said they regret having children.

One woman I know is quite extreme. She's only just recently had her child, shes about 18 months. She's quite clear that she hates being a mum and she doesn't like her child. She never wanted kids but was told the usual that she'll change her mind when she has her own, problem is she hasn't. She heavily resents her child for the decision she made and it's a sad situation overall. So no, not all mothers change.

ringo_24601 wrote: »

I wish people would stop with this 'over population' concern. The Western world isn't the source of this. If anything, many countries struggle to produce a 'replacement' fertility rate.

The UK's 'births/women' rate is 1.8. That is below the 'replacement' rate of 2.1

So, people choosing to not have kids is actually going to cause significant social and economic problems over the coming decades.

This. It's not western countries who are breeding too much, actually in the UK we aren't breeding enough. It's generally the poorer countries who are breeding at massive rates and therefore such a decision made by someone in this country will make no difference.

However saying that anyone who says they don't want children purely to stop the overpopulation of the world is lying or coming up with an excuse to justify their decision. People don't want children simply because they don't want children. It's such an inbuilt desire that if your coming up with such logical reasons you just don't want them.

justme111

Pollycat wrote: »

Here's the OP's thread posted on the Pensions board:
https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/5678632


What if she decides that the days where it's nice to have her own time is more enjoyable than bringing up a baby?

Then she thinks what would be preferable - give the child for adoption or live with it. If she decides to live with it then she accepts nothing in life is perfect and enjoys good sides of it rather than concentrate on bad. Just like Fbaby said.
By the way life with a child is constantly changing , at 3 months it is not the same as at 7 years so one could not tell it was a wrong decision because one did not like it on day 1. I certainly did not like it but the thought of it being a wrong decision was not even close to my head.

Pollycat

justme111 wrote: »

Then she thinks what would be preferable - give the child for adoption or live with it. If she decides to live with it then she accepts nothing in life is perfect and enjoys good sides of it rather than concentrate on bad. Just like Fbaby said.
By the way life with a child is constantly changing , at 3 months it is not the same as at 7 years so one could not tell it was a wrong decision because one did not like it on day 1. I certainly did not like it but the thought of it being a wrong decision was not even close to my head.

But were you like the OP's wife who flips between wanting a child and days where she prefers her own time (before you got pregnant)?

Or did you want a child understanding that it was more than likely that your time would never be your own for a considerable number of years?