Wife doesn't love me anymore

DavidP24

That is all covered in the thread, have a read of it

Towser

People with arranged marriages work things out. Can you OP?

Scorpio33

Just as an update.

My wife and I have agreed to work on things and are spending more quality time together. She has spoken to friends about what she said and they called her horrible for doing so. She says that she does love me, but can't explain why she said what she said.

We had a lovely evening at home a few weeks ago and things felt happy-ish again.

Last weekend, we had a nice meal on the Saturday. At first the conversation didn't flow, but then we started talking and my wife said how she felt that we were a bit of a mismatch and how when we are due to go to Glastonbury, she doesn't want me "following her around" and how some of her happiest times at Glastonbury were when she wasn't with me. We then get home and she says that I have made her a mum, and so I have to expect her to wear "mum underwear".

What she says she doesn't realise how much it hurts me.

Taking a clinical approach, we lack emotional intimacy and I think that it is good that she is being honest, but she feels the way she does at the moment as we are so distant. Hopefully this date and conversation would be one of many to bring us closer together. I do however get a feeling that I want the relationship to work more than her.

This weekend we have family coming down, so for now it is more of a case of carrying on as we are. I am going to suggest another date night and hopefully there will be a time when we are both relaxed so we can talk more.

System

We then get home and she says that I have made her a mum, and so I have to expect her to wear "mum underwear".

You havent made her a Mum at all though i respect her right to wear Mum underwear.

Ivrytwr3

Sounds like she is missing her young, single life and isn't emotionally ready for family life.

I wouldn't take it personally, this isn't something YOU can fix, she needs to work through this in her own mind and come to her own conclusion as to what she wants.

That doesn't mean you have to put your life on hold or be treated like a doormat though.

FBaby

A lot of what she says hint towards the 'I love you as a companion, father and main provider, but I don't fancy you much any longer and you get on my nerves if we spend too much time together'. Not great foundations for a happy marriage.

Keeping_Motivated

To keep things equal....We are only hearing what she said and her behaviour in that last post.

You dont say your part in things...i.e have you given her a reason to fear you may follow her around? Are you co dependent?

What triggered her to say about the underwear? Did you complain/comment?

Does she struggle to assert herself in a healthy way so maybe comes across as passive aggressive?

Keeping_Motivated

DavidP24 wrote: »

PLEASE read the thread, you will find it has all been covered.

If this was aimed at me then I have read all the thread I have been following it from the beginning and I still think the latest post only portrays her part not his...it wasn't at dig at him just an observation

justme111

DavidP24 wrote: »

Sorry, my mistake.

I think you can read between the lines

Yes we can read - he was happier in their marriage than she was . That is about it. It does not mean he was a great husband and she was a user. An abuser could have described his marriage and feelings in a similar way easily as well. Keeping motivated asked OP to reflect on his actions and omissions that could have contributed to this state of affairs - the only way forward if he wants to keep the marriage going in a meaningful way. Keeping motivated , there was some info in earlier op's posts that could been relevant indeed. He mentioned he was "helping " with housework, and constantly undermining her with sarcastic comments. I see that op is an intelligent articulate person. I see that he portrays himself in this thread as a wronged party. He mentions how friends agreed it was bad from his wife to say him what he did - comes across manipulative. Op , your main concern should be to give your wife what she needs (if you want to continue together); not to prove how wrong she is in feeling what she does.

Pixie5740

No it's not just about the housework but it is a symptom of the problem. The way the OP sees housework as helping his wife or keeping the children out the way so his wife can get on with the housework. How generous. If his wife isn't even interested in exploring relationship counselling then I suspect that whatever the OP does now is probably too little too late.

Undoubtedly his wife has said some cruel things and if she really did go ahead and marry him knowing at the time she didn't love him then that is indeed a very cruel things to do. I'm not entirely convinced that really is the case though.

The OP seems pleased that his wife's friends have confirmed it was a cruel thing to say. Would he also be pleased if his friends told him that it is cruel of him to put his wife down?