Why do older parents forget what it's like to have young children???

misterzim

Seriously, I've already said we aren't asking for the meal time to be changed! We are going at 7. My child will be expected to behave and will be disciplined as necessary. They will have toys and access to peppa pig shows when required. I feel I didn't lay out the original post well enough here. Lesson learned.

Tiddlywinks

misterzim wrote: »

My last response said I haven't asked for the time to be changed and that I know the whole world does not revolve around my child. My world revolves around my child because I want it to. I chose to have a child and don't feel the need to get rid of them every time I'm invited out to a meal etc just to make my life easier. The older generation may have dealt with things differently as there was a different mentality then. Times and people change. I'm raising my child to compromise amongst many other things. They don't nap in the day anymore and like I also said before, they still know when it's bedtime even after a nap in the car - the only other place they fall asleep. They're too big for a buggy and so that is not a solution either.


I also dislike late dinners. I prefer eating at 5-6pm. I am also the only one travelling any distance to the meal - 300 mile round trip.

Teaching your child to 'compromise'? I don't think your posts suggest a willingness to adapt, do you?

LannieDuck

misterzim wrote: »

More of a venting post this one but need to ask what others think.


I'm travelling 150 miles this weekend to see family for a significant birthday. A local restaurant has been hired out for a large family gathering. I am taking my 3 year old with me and my dad decides it would be a good idea to book the table for 7pm - bang on my child's bedtime. Seriously!!!!


"Oh it'll be ok, they'll be fine" is the usual response I get. Or on trips out previously where my child has been tired and cranky and just wants to sleep I'd get "Oh, they're not tired, they just want to play".


Does anyone else get this from their parents now that you have a young child? Just interested.

YES!!!

Wow, you've got a lot of hate on here, OP. It's very easy to say "oh, just put up with it for an evening", "it won't be that bad" etc when you're not the person trying to keep the 3yo sitting quietly at the table when they're exhausted. Add in the sleep deprivation that's built up from the last 3 years, and the stress of the car journey (until you've had your kid screaming for over an hour along a motorway because they don't want to be in their car seat any longer, it's hard to understand how stressful this can be).

Our in-laws like to visit and go out for lunch. Since we've had kids we've tried to explain that we can't do that just at the moment, but we can make them lunch at home instead. But no, it has to be a local gastropub. The in-laws have a lovely time, of course. And I'm left trying to keep both kids quiet while in-laws and OH talk politics, then I'm up at least twice during the meal with DD1 because she wants to go to the toilet, and then I'll have DD2 crashed out on me half way through because she's way overdue for her nap. If I get to eat any of my meal it's normally cold and I get indigestion.

And don't get me started on our trip to France to visit their holiday home. 2 days travelling to get out there, hardly had any time to sit quietly because the in-laws couldn't possibly look after the girls for a bit, and yes having lunch at home is still much easier than going out for lunch, being pulled around to various friends' houses who had kids (who didn't speak English, obv) and expecting the children to all play together. Then being surprised when we weren't enthusiastic about enjoying our stay. The girls had a nice time, but we won't be going again this year. Perhaps in a few years' time, for their sake.

So yes, you adjust your lives when you have kids, and you don't expect to enjoy every social occasion. But similarly, if plans are made that don't consider the logistics of having kids in tow, then your family shouldn't be surprised when you politely decline.

Sorry for the essay. I think you touched a nerve!

leespot

LannieDuck wrote: »

YES!!!

Wow, you've got a lot of hate on here, OP. It's very easy to say "oh, just put up with it for an evening", "it won't be that bad" etc when you're not the person trying to keep the 3yo sitting quietly at the table when they're exhausted. Add in the sleep deprivation that's built up from the last 3 years, and the stress of the car journey (until you've had your kid screaming for over an hour along a motorway because they don't want to be in their car seat any longer, it's hard to understand how stressful this can be).

Our in-laws like to visit and go out for lunch. Since we've had kids we've tried to explain that we can't do that just at the moment, but we can make them lunch at home instead. But no, it has to be a local gastropub. The in-laws have a lovely time, of course. And I'm left trying to keep both kids quiet while in-laws and OH talk politics, then I'm up at least twice during the meal with DD1 because she wants to go to the toilet, and then I'll have DD2 crashed out on me half way through because she's way overdue for her nap. If I get to eat any of my meal it's normally cold and I get indigestion.

And don't get me started on our trip to France to visit their holiday home. 2 days travelling to get out there, hardly had any time to sit quietly because the in-laws couldn't possibly look after the girls for a bit, and yes having lunch at home is still much easier than going out for lunch, being pulled around to various friends' houses who had kids (who didn't speak English, obv) and expecting the children to all play together. Then being surprised when we weren't enthusiastic about enjoying our stay. The girls had a nice time, but we won't be going again this year. Perhaps in a few years' time, for their sake.

So yes, you adjust your lives when you have kids, and you don't expect to enjoy every social occasion. But similarly, if plans are made that don't consider the logistics of having kids in tow, then your family shouldn't be surprised when you politely decline.

Sorry for the essay. I think you touched a nerve!

Exactly this - you have a choice.

IAmWales

LannieDuck wrote: »

YES!!!

Wow, you've got a lot of hate on here, OP. It's very easy to say "oh, just put up with it for an evening", "it won't be that bad" etc when you're not the person trying to keep the 3yo sitting quietly at the table when they're exhausted. Add in the sleep deprivation that's built up from the last 3 years, and the stress of the car journey (until you've had your kid screaming for over an hour along a motorway because they don't want to be in their car seat any longer, it's hard to understand how stressful this can be).

Our in-laws like to visit and go out for lunch. Since we've had kids we've tried to explain that we can't do that just at the moment, but we can make them lunch at home instead. But no, it has to be a local gastropub. The in-laws have a lovely time, of course. And I'm left trying to keep both kids quiet while in-laws and OH talk politics, then I'm up at least twice during the meal with DD1 because she wants to go to the toilet, and then I'll have DD2 crashed out on me half way through because she's way overdue for her nap. If I get to eat any of my meal it's normally cold and I get indigestion.

And don't get me started on our trip to France to visit their holiday home. 2 days travelling to get out there, hardly had any time to sit quietly because the in-laws couldn't possibly look after the girls for a bit, and yes having lunch at home is still much easier than going out for lunch, being pulled around to various friends' houses who had kids (who didn't speak English, obv) and expecting the children to all play together. Then being surprised when we weren't enthusiastic about enjoying our stay. The girls had a nice time, but we won't be going again this year. Perhaps in a few years' time, for their sake.

So yes, you adjust your lives when you have kids, and you don't expect to enjoy every social occasion. But similarly, if plans are made that don't consider the logistics of having kids in tow, then your family shouldn't be surprised when you politely decline.

Sorry for the essay. I think you touched a nerve!

Your complaints seem to be not about your relatives but about your husband and children, the same issues would apply whether relatives were there or not.

Be thankful for what you've got, rather than moaning over trivial stuff.

misterzim

Not willing to adapt? Other than the fact that we are going to the meal and not requesting the time be changed and that my child will do as they're told and we have toys etc to entertain them as necessary?


Otherwise, no, I'm not willing to adapt!!!

IAmWales

misterzim wrote: »

Not willing to adapt? Other than the fact that we are going to the meal and not requesting the time be changed and that my child will do as they're told and we have toys etc to entertain them as necessary?


Otherwise, no, I'm not willing to adapt!!!

Why not stay at home? No one is going to miss you if you're going to be grumpy, and at these large events they're unlikely to notice you're not there anyway.

"Where's misterzim?"
"Couldn't make it."
"Oh. Good good. On with the show!"

Tiddlywinks

misterzim wrote: »

Not willing to adapt? Other than the fact that we are going to the meal and not requesting the time be changed and that my child will do as they're told and we have toys etc to entertain them as necessary?

Otherwise, no, I'm not willing to adapt!!!

What?

Going to a family gathering at 7pm with a 3yo is just normal behaviour for most families.

Nothing too onerous required.

misterzim

But the positive out of this thread is that I will be re-evaluating my life, my parenting skills and the choices I make every day. Taking a more positive outlook on life in general and not letting the little things get me down. I didn't realise I was such a negative person but the responses that I felt were negative towards me have actually made me see things clearly and put them into perspective. I love you all for the massive wake up call this morning.


I have also learned to evaluate situations more critically myself and not to feel the need to enlist the help of random people on a forum - I do actually have better things to do than be on here believe it or not!!!


Thank you, one and all.

System

I also dislike late dinners. I prefer eating at 5-6pm. I am also the only one travelling any distance to the meal - 300 mile round trip.

So not only are you complaining that older parents forget what its like to have young children, your stating your preference of eating times too.

If i were you, i just wouldnt go because you seriously wont enjoy it.

Personally i wouldnt go but only because i think a 300 mile round trip is far too many miles to travel just for a meal.